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Topic: I'm meeting his ex-wife next weekend....  (Read 2627 times)

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I'm meeting his ex-wife next weekend....
« on: December 02, 2004, 05:34:56 PM »
...and I'm a nervous wreck!!! We are actually staying for the weekend. (How weird is that?) Right now I feel as though I'll be under scritiny, you know? But we've e-mailed back and forth a few times and she's been very cordial so far. Although Andy said she's getting tired of the kids talking about me all of the time already. I know that it's perfectly normal in this transition period, but the anticipation of what she'll be like is killing me. I think I'm going to bring her flowers or a candle or something.

  In other news- Andy and I are scheduled to look at a house on Monday!!  The funny thing is that he called to tell me that he had scheduled a meeting on Monday and I was like "Oh, be sure to take pictures and let me know how it is." Then Andy was quiet for a moment and reminded me that I'd be there!!! I get emotional just thinking about all that we've been through to get to this point. (2 year long distance relationship, etc...) It's absolutely perfect (per the pictures that are posted, anyway) and I hope to arrive to the UK this weekend and get settled quickly. I just can't believe that I'm leaving the state tomorrow!!! Ackkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!! I've been eating Mexican food once a day for the last 2 weeks and my stomach is ready for me to quit the insanity!

 That being said, I've got to get ready to go out and eat lunch with my dad. We are going to our favorite Mexican restaurant...lol.
Amy


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Re: I'm meeting his ex-wife next weekend....
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2004, 05:38:42 PM »
You're a better woman than me, don't think i could cope with that.


  • tebs
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Re: I'm meeting his ex-wife next weekend....
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2004, 05:40:23 PM »
aww,, I know my husband felt weird meeting my ex,, but they got along like wildfire,, so hopefully you will be fine as well :)  Good luck with that :)


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Re: I'm meeting his ex-wife next weekend....
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2004, 07:47:51 PM »
Well Andy and I are both intensely non-confrontational people and we both would rather everyone get along than not. In fact, I just adore my ex-husband's new wife and we get along great. I guess I fugure that I'm lucky he didn't go out and marry some 18 year old or worse. When I have to deal with him, I'd rather just go through her...lol. It just keeps everything civilized.

Amy
:)


Re: I'm meeting his ex-wife next weekend....
« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2004, 07:54:27 PM »
You're lucky. I hate my husband's ex and she hates me. 

But then, actually, I hate her because she hates me-she's gone out of her jealous little way to be nasty to me and cause trouble wherever she can because she's still upset that their marriage ended.

Oh, I could go on and on...

I think bringing her a little gift is a fine idea, and good luck with the house viewing!  How exciting!


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Re: I'm meeting his ex-wife next weekend....
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2005, 10:57:55 PM »
Amylia,
I know that this thread is a little old, but I'm wondering how it went meeting his ex.  I'll be doing the same thing in a little over a month's time.  I'm a little nervous, but I'm not scared or anything.  After all, there isn't any kind of unwritten rule which says that we must hate each other.  I am keeping an open mind and going in with a positive attitude.   
:) Jeannie
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  • LisaE
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Re: I'm meeting his ex-wife next weekend....
« Reply #6 on: January 03, 2005, 10:29:14 AM »
I know it feels so weird. But I think it's a fabulous thing, especially when children are involved. You will be asked to help raise someone ele's kids, and I think it should be quite natural for both 'mothers' to meet. Trouble comes when emotions get in the way.

In a position of being the love interest of her ex, you might have to work harder for her friendship. But as odd as it seems, this could turn in to a really good situation all around, especially for the kids. Try to check your jealousy at the door and realize she's in the harder spot than you are.
Married to Graham, we run our own open-source computer training company in beautiful Wiltshire out of our 1814 Georgian Regency home (a former lodging house and once featured in Antiques Roadshow)


Re: I'm meeting his ex-wife next weekend....
« Reply #7 on: January 03, 2005, 10:39:38 AM »
My husband and my ex husbeast actually get along better than he and I did the entire ten years we were married. Im sure everything will be just fine.
Best of luck!


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Re: I'm meeting his ex-wife next weekend....
« Reply #8 on: January 03, 2005, 10:57:59 AM »
What Lisa said is true. It will no doubt be harder for her than for you, especially if she wasn't the one who wanted the divorce and/or hasn't yet met anyone else. But if she's been cordial so far, she'll probably continue to be so. If she's mature, she won't want to poison her child against dad's new wife. You're off to a really good start, it sounds. I'll give you an example of the opposite:

Many moons ago, I had a long-term, ultimately live-in relationship with a man who was legally separated and waiting to get a divorce when we met. He and his wife didn't love each other when they got married; her parents pressured them into getting married after she got pregnant. She filed for divorce after they'd both cheated on each other within a year of getting married (there was no sadness about the divorce on either side), and his daughter was two years old when he and I met. Regardless, the ex-wife was very hostile toward me from minute one and throughout my three-and-a-half year relationship with her ex-husband (my boyfriend said she was irrationally jealous of me--not because of her feelings for him, but because she thought I was prettier and smarter than she was--we're talking petty stuff here), although she was living with another man within months after they separated. It made matters worse that their daughter really loved me. Visitation-wise, he had his daughter every other weekend, alternate holidays, a month in the summer, etc., so I was surrogate mom then (and whenever we picked her up from her mom's, she'd have drawn me a picture or made me something). His daughter, as her vocabulary improved with age, would innocently ask me why her mom said bad things about me (I was stunned that the ex would manipulate a child that way). I was a vegetarian, and my boyfriend ate vegetarian meals when we ate together. We used to get veggie burgers that his daughter (a big meat-lover) really liked. Markus told his ex-wife that he was amazed how much their daughter loved veggie burgers, and sure enough, the next weekend we had her, she refused to eat them ("I don't like them--they're not real meat!"), as if a child normally would give that a second thought. In other words, his ex-wife had pulled one of dozens of childish stunts throughout the years.

Anyway, don't feel that you need to impress her, or live up to her standards. It would be cool (although unlikely) if you two ended up being good friends, but your husband might feel a bit uncomfortable at the prospect of your sharing notes. :)

Hope it's going well.

Suzanne
« Last Edit: January 03, 2005, 11:01:00 AM by Suzanne »


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