Trauma from the Immigration System - Shattered Sense of Self-Worth

Thanks everyone.

I did try and give the Samaritans a ring a fair few times last night. Unfortunately, they didn't answer and the meassage said everyone was busy and to try again. I do attend counselling on a weekly basis to discuss this, but it's difficult because sometimes the woman just suggests that I return to the states where I would have more freedoms and not feel so trapped. But thats kind of a non-starter. I'm going to make this work or I die trying to make it work.

I am on the slow path to ILR, but I've only got a three year visa at the inexperienced pay rate, and I'm not optimistic that I will be able to increase my wages by 10,000 GBP in two years... So I'm likely going home in a year and a half unless I have or adopt a child, or get married.
OR I can keep trying to get a new job... My employer is kind of mean. My manager even once threatened not to try and renew my visa when it comes up for renewal. Everyone not trapped by their visa leaves because it's such a toxic environment to work in. Not one of my same-level colleagues that were here when I got this job, are still in the position. The turnover is ridiculous.

My partner sees that I am suffering and blames himself and it often seems like the logical thing to do would be to humanely euthanize this relationship and entire endeavour because everything is so stupidly hard.

It makes me want to just commit fraud and trade my identity and documents to a similar person who wants to live in America. Or just walk into the woods and get on with living my life away from the constant scrutiny of the government and authority. Why is there no option to withdraw from the social contract?

I really feel like there is no one with enough expertise and empathy to speak to about this to on a proper level

My counselor doesn't fully understand, I've been blown off by lawyers, and my family and friends are like "it will work out in the end" (they don't know that - they've never faced a resident labour market test).

I've considered going to citizens advice, but I think that the sort of advice they dish up is more superficial. And I don't need to be directed towards the gov.uk website... I know where to find it.

I need a solution and there has to be one if I put in enough blood, sweat and tears. But maybe there isn't one and I'm playing the part of a fool. Either way I'm going down with this ship. Either it will work out and I will receive permission to continue to exist and follow my dreams or I'll die trying. There's no "going back" unless I'm dead. I won't let the system win.

Kindest regards,

Ashley L. Mikkola

Please please pleassseeeee see a different therapist! Try a new counselor until you find one you mesh well with. Sometimes it can take 2 or 3 tries, sometimes 10! Everybody is different and you need to find a person you actually work well with and it seems like this counselor really isn’t going to be helpful in this scenario. Could you maybe try seeing if there’s one nearby (or online) that specializes in expats???


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I was going to suggest another therapist as well.

When I did some talking therapy here it was absolutely useless. And I would definitely look for someone who has expat experience or may be an expat themselves. If they don't have experience or experienced it themselves they really can't understand.

Did a quick google for you and found this site. Not sure how good it is as didn't fully read through it or anything but thought I'd share just in case (although I think it's London based and not sure where you're located:

https://pinnacletherapy.co.uk/issues-and-therapies/expatriate-counselling-london/