Thanks everyone. Sometimes I feel like we're willingly undoing everything we've built here in a decade for a worse situation full of uncertainty and stress. Everything is a roadblock. If this is the British gov trying to discourage immigration and get their numbers down, well they're doing a great job, lemme tell ya.
I think DH is blissfully unaware that it's not like we'll slip straight into society over there like we're just moving states. It doesn't matter that he's British now apparently either. He thinks we can grab a new build house near one of his brothers, and we'll both just get jobs immediately, learn to drive on the "wrong" side of the road and we'll be all good. He is not ready to accept the idea that it might not be instant. He won't be happy to know that it can take many many months for a real estate transaction.
Any sane person would look at how complicated this is and scrap the idea of ever moving back for the sake of of our family's wellbeing and security.

However I know I will regret missing out on these years of having a loving family. We have none here and it's not realistic to keep dishing out thousands to see them for a couple weeks once a year just to get our "family fix". Family is everything and we've gone without that feeling of support and love for long enough.