Thanks for posting this. I find my discouragement at starting over in a new country (my 3rd country) now that I'm no longer in my 20s is so strong, that it overshadows everything that is going right in my life in the UK.
I haven't lived in the USA for 13 years, but by US standards I was shy/introverted, never behaving like this article suggests. In Canada I was more outgoing, but younger, so I still ended up with a great social context eventually (and wasn't on Facebook then, either). In the UK I am the loudest, most outgoing person in the world--and I force myself to do the things in this article, because otherwise I would never, ever get anywhere with anyone, though I've lived here for almost 4 years! It is the #1 frustrating thing and really makes me miss places that are more familiar.
This article makes me feel I should try even harder (it doesn't help that my British partner always says "it shouldn't be hard, this is your home" when I AM trying hard. But I'm sure there's another topic about how Brits who have lived here their whole lives are happy with the 1 friend they already have...)
This sounds like me! But I've been away almost 20yrs now and quite few moves under my belt. Sigh. It makes me feel older just thinking about it. LOL.
Though, I'm still a bit shy and introverted, especially in groups. I'm really not good with group things, which is often where you meet people. I'm better once I've met people once or twice. It's the getting to the event, meet up, etc. that is the first hurdle.
What I've learned though is that we have to remember that most people already have their lives, their set friends and family, work, sport commitments, etc and are not looking for new people in their lives like we are. We all know life gets complicated. Adding new stuff can be difficult. We as the outsiders need to be persistent.
Sometimes we new comers also need to bond together in our pursuit of new friends. Sadly, this can lead us into a world of "expat" only friends. We have to be careful about that. I guess in the UK there isn't the language issue making it easier to meet locals.
The other things I've noticed is that it
is like dating without the sex (as said above). For some reason, it's awkward meeting people of the same gender one on one. I'm not sure why. What I do is ask two new friends to come out together. I'll say "hey Candy, I'm going for drinks with Ann tonight why don't you join us?". It seems to work better. If one of them can't make it, the one who does show up feels less uncomfortable when I say "in the end, Ann couldn't make it. But we can fun without her". (does that make sense?, lol)
