Me

I'm starting to approach my final round of chemo (January 20, all being well).  And while I've had some very very long days, I agree that this has happened quick!

Looking for ideas/suggestions on how to mark the end of such a significant step in the cancer journey.  My hospital doesn't have a bell (which I can argue both sides of).  I think ringing a bell would be absolutely lovely.  But then I can see someone ruining it with "but you cannot beat cancer" as mine is not curable.  For that, I'm glad they have erred on the side of NOT having a bell. 

How would you mark the end of a journey? (and yes, I'm aware this is likely my first turn of chemotherapy, not my last).  I still want to celebrate and acknowledge this step - I often feel we don't celebrate our successes enough!

I would plant a tree.  I don't know if you could get permission from a landowner or the council perhaps but I'd plant something that will live for centuries and grow enormous, like a beech or an oak. 
Or you could plant a little one in your garden, but yes, a tree of some sort. 

On a much heavier scale, I need to think about if I want to opt for a mascectomy or not.  If I knew it would be an easy recovery, it's an easy answer to have my breasts off.  If it's grueling... well, may as well keep them as statistically it doesn't matter. 

Yet I know I'm a whole individual and not a statistic.  UGH, just wish it was straight forward....

What would you do UKY's?  Hindsight is the only way I'll know which was right...

You said statistically it doesn't matter, can you elaborate on that?

I would plant a tree.  I don't know if you could get permission from a landowner or the council perhaps but I'd plant something that will live for centuries and grow enormous, like a beech or an oak. 
Or you could plant a little one in your garden, but yes, a tree of some sort. 

That is a perfect idea!  We’ve planted two at home since we moved in but I’m certain we can make space for a third!

You said statistically it doesn't matter, can you elaborate on that?

Simply:  longevity is not proven to be longer with a mastectomy than without.  The horse has already bolted - or the cancer has already spread.  A mastectomy would limit recurrence in the breast, but as the cells are “swimming about”, it’s only the one area.

While psychologically I want my breasts gone…. It might not “buy” me time or anything.

I don’t need to decide now.  But I do need to give fair consideration sooner rather than later. I’d prefer to get these nasty “to dos” out of the way and get back to enjoying life. Hopefully for a looooooong time!

Surgery is rough stuff and takes a long time to heal.  If given a choice and it doesn’t affect longevity, I wouldn’t do it.  I think a reaction to breast cancer is to get rid of the breast, because it tried to kill me.  A good therapist could talk you through a decision to make sure your decision is based on logic rather than emotion.

Now, a tree is a brilliant idea.  I’d also consider a wind chime.  Not a loud obnoxious one, but a pretty tinkly one.  Associate the sound with recovery.

Love to you.

Maybe see how you heal from the spinal surgery? Based on the description you gave that will be smaller incisions and less invasive, so if you find that a breeze the mastectomy may be reasonable. But it took a solid year for my brca friend to recover from her elective mastectomy between the drains and minor revisions due to issues healing. Based on my own complicated history I would only go for surgeries that are likely to improve pain significantly or extend life.

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Definitely need to speak in depth with my cancer nurse, she will be able to give some good real life experience. 

Safe to say it's a question no one will give me an answer to, "what would you do", that is.  If I had known I had a gene, I would have kept an eye on things but not had surgery unnecessarily.  And while I know that having the surgery and not doesn't change anything from a statistical standpoint - it CAN from an individual.

My cancer buddy (school mom) had her mastectomy in May and still has massive complications from it.  It is NOT a small surgery or a decision to be made lightly. 

I've never had surgery before - definitely fearful of it!  And thankfully I FINALLY start therapy on Monday.  Will be good to have someone to talk through all these awful topics.  There is a lot on the to do list - and none are very fun!   

Love the idea of a windchime.  Keep the suggestions coming. 

Love the idea of a windchime.  Keep the suggestions coming.

The other thing that might be nice, although a bit hippy, is a crystal singing bowl.  I don’t believe in the healing stuff associated with them, I just like the sound.  Amazon has a nice selection.

I’d also consider a wind chime. 

  There just happens to be a great windchime shop right next to KfDancer's house. 
https://www.thewindchimeshop.co.uk/koshi-wind-chimes_c9129.aspx
Not really a retail shop, but they did let me come by and pick up a late present for my wife.  The link is to some really nice tinkly ones with multiple tuned notes.  The only problem is that they aren't made for outdoors and there isn't much wind indoors. 

I wonder if you can't somehow use this opportunity to talk more with the kids about what this milestone means?  Maybe some kind of a celebration midway up a set of stairs to let them know that it's a step in the journey that's not over yet.    Come to think of it, a tree or windchime isn't bad.  I'd avoid surgery myself but what do I know?  How does DH feel about it?

Simply:  longevity is not proven to be longer with a mastectomy than without.  The horse has already bolted - or the cancer has already spread.  A mastectomy would limit recurrence in the breast, but as the cells are “swimming about”, it’s only the one area.

While psychologically I want my breasts gone…. It might not “buy” me time or anything.

I don’t need to decide now.  But I do need to give fair consideration sooner rather than later. I’d prefer to get these nasty “to dos” out of the way and get back to enjoying life. Hopefully for a looooooong time!

We don't have all the information here but I think, on balance and taking what you've told us at face value, I'd have the double mastectomy.  And I say that as someone who would go the non-surgical route where at all possible.
But cancer is different and I would want to know that I had done as much as I possibly could to fend it off for as long as I could. Statistics are helpful but as you said, they amount to nothing if you're the "one" in however many.

Research your choice of surgeon as that will have a real bearing on your outcome, there are good ones and not so good ones everywhere.  Even if you just ask the nurses who they would go to, that'll tell you pretty much everything you need to know.

I love the planting a tree idea. Could also be a shrub or bush if you don't have enough space. 

Research your choice of surgeon as that will have a real bearing on your outcome, there are good ones and not so good ones everywhere.  Even if you just ask the nurses who they would go to, that'll tell you pretty much everything you need to know.

A women's surgeon was the one who told me I had cancer (I believe she was caught off guard and thought I knew I had cancer when I met with her).  She was absolutely lovely and I'm told that she asks about me from time to time.  A good friend is an anesthesiologist at that hospital and has said she's the best of the best.  And she did my "cancer buddy's" mastectomy last year and my friend is super impressed with her scars (she still has reconstructive surgery after she has radiation).  She doesn't do private, so to use her, I would need to be referred back to the NHS, which I don't mind doing. 

I've sent my nurse a message asking if we can properly discuss surgery/healing time, benefits, etc.  I think if "most people" recover in 2 months or so, I'm likely to go for it.  If it's 6 months....  maybe not. 

The person I know through work who has my exactly type of cancer, also Stage 4 when she was diagnosed in 2018, DID opt for the mastectomy.  I struggle a bit to reach out to her as I don't actually *know* her.  But I should, just to understand how she came to her decision.  I know she elected to have it done, so would be interesting to hear about decision making. 

Love the suggestions of the milestone markers!  Got lost searching for windchimes last night.  Think I'd love one.  But definitely hard to shop for online.  I'll go have a mooch at a garden centre this weekend - maybe the one with the American food selection!  We had 3 trees removed and stumps ground out last year with the extension.  Two of those areas need something else planted, but not a tree.  But I could certainly do a rose bush in one or the other spot.  So fabulous ideas.

Jimbo my son is in his own world and has no clue what's going on with me and cancer.  My daughter ( is much more in tune with it all.  And you make a good point, she needs to know this is just a giant step in my journey but that cancer is just going to be part of our lives now.  I know she gets that the chemo is ending and that this is the really bad part.  But not sure if she realizes I won't just "be all better".  Poor kids.  This is too much real life for children.  I know they are resilient and all... but what a crap hand they've been dealt. 

I meet with the spinal surgeon this afternoon and am curious to see what they say about that.  My husband found out a colleague has this surgery at work who said it was life changing.  My back was fine prior to chemo, but it is super painful now.  So would be great to be able to sort this (supposedly) quickly and easily.  I've shrunk almost an inch too!  Maybe I'll be as tall as my husband with the surgery.  LOL.

I meet with the spinal surgeon this afternoon and am curious to see what they say about that.  My husband found out a colleague has this surgery at work who said it was life changing.  My back was fine prior to chemo, but it is super painful now.  So would be great to be able to sort this (supposedly) quickly and easily.  I've shrunk almost an inch too!  Maybe I'll be as tall as my husband with the surgery.  LOL.

I started taking bone strengthening tablets (Ibandronic Acid) and started having severe bone pain in my right shoulder, left hip, and a small area in the middle of my spine.  My oncologist took me off the med and wants to schedule a bone scan.

I started taking bone strengthening tablets (Ibandronic Acid) and started having severe bone pain in my right shoulder, left hip, and a small area in the middle of my spine.  My oncologist took me off the med and wants to schedule a bone scan.

I get Denosumab injections as part of my treatment.  No tablets (yet).