Oh huge hugs. That must be so stressful. I can definitely think you'd miss family when you're going through something like that. And now you've got to figure out life again, not just adjusting to being on your own, but also just because there were probably things he just 'did' and you never learned them on your own. Adulting Expat 102, since you had 101 already with your 20 years here. Hugs, hope we can help!