To go or not to go?

Background:  Met Jmaster911 in October 2004 and have been quite serious ever since (many visits back and forth, hours on the phone/computer etc...). I work for the federal gov't (US). I want to get my masters in International Studies.

Dilemma:  I am looking at doing this in Leeds and living w/ my brit bf for the 11months. Work will give me the time off w/o pay and I will have a job upon my return. My work will also pay for me to get my masters part time (3 yrs of study) if I stay here and work full time. The cost of going will be about $18K-$20K in loans for tuition, books and incidentals. I have found that a UK degree means just as much as a US one.

I rent an apt in the DC metro area and will be done with my lease and able to move in July. I can sell my car and pay off its loan. I can store my furniture with my parents. I have been asked why I don't study part time for free? My answer:  I don't want to be tied to this area for 3 yrs or shoulder both work and school esp. with a LDR to someone across the pond. 

It won't be easy to move in w/ my bf, study and work part time (just 10-15hrs/week). If I stay here, it's harder to know if we are absolutely sure about this. He cannot move here for a while - at least a year. My gut is telling me to do it not just to be with him but b/c I've always wanted to live somewhere foreign for a while.

My question and advice I am seeking:  Am I being hasty? Anyone else have this dilemma before or something like it? I have had few real big supporters in all of this at home (friends, family etc...) and would like to hear everyone's opinion. Thanks!

Well, I don't like to give advice because in the end, it is your decision and you are the one who has to live with it.  But reading this post and one before, it seems you really want to go to the UK.  You just have to think that in the next 3 years, will you be happy if you stayed?  And if you go, is it worth the money and up rooting your whole life?  It doesn't seem you are being hasty because you have thought out what you will do if you leave or stay.  Also, if you leave for the UK, will you want to come back and work again in the D.C. area? 

Go with your instinct.  If it doesn't work out, at least you got to live in a different country and experience a different culture.  If it does then it will be all worth it.  I went to England to do an MA in history (a long term goal) and moved in with English boyfriend immediately.  I was very scared because even though we had visited several times for two weeks each time, and had talked daily for 6 months we still had no idea how we would react to one another seeing each other daily and living a real life together.  I took the plunge (I had virtually no support from anyone in the US- they all thought I was crazy) and it was literally the best thing I have ever done in my life.  It worked out wonderfully and we are getting married next month.  (though I never did finish that degree!)  Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith- but only you know in your head and heart if it is right for you.  Good luck!  

I did one Master's Degree nights and weekends while working, which took about 5 years, and another one full time but with money coming in.  That doesn't exactly match your situation, but I have to say that either way is doable.

Hope this doesn't sound too cold a comment, but if you go to Leeds, you would have to finish that degree no matter what.  If your relationship went sour, where would you go?  Could you move into a dorm?

JH
believer in the proverbial Plan B

Yes, international students have access to dorms if necessary. That has been thought out and I would have time to get that worked out if necessary.

I moved to England last September 2003 to be with my then-boyfriend. I was accepted to a 3 year course for a BA and was also allowed to work part time {20 hours per week.} The college I was going to was not affiliated with the American financial aid system so I needed to take out a $12,000 loan to pay for tuition fees alone for ONE YEAR {no incidentals.} I got paid barely 6 pounds per hour working 20 hours per week at Gap. I had to leave college after the first semester because I could not afford to live there with my salary {obviously!} but also my savings which was quite nice for someone my age. The exchange rate is not in our favor {and at one point last winter I think it was one pound to $1.92 or something!} I was also paying for school fees, rent, food and travel expenses-- living off my savings. I barely spent any money on "fun!"

I left England in March 2004, my fiancee finished his studies in July and joined me in NY this past summer. We got engaged and he is back there in England until our wedding this July {because we both need to work and save money.}

You mentioned your cost is $18-20K-- was that for all three years or just one?

Also, you wrote, "If I stay here, it's harder to know if we are absolutely sure about this." Do you mean being absolutely sure you want your long distance relationship to continue?

If so--> I can understand how you feel. I met my boyfriend only 9 months prior of myself moving to England. I knew he was my special someone and I also knew he was commited to his last year at university... Could we continue a relationship strictly overseas for at least the year he was in college? Like you, I thought it would be an EXCELLENT idea to take the opporunity to not only be with my baby but also to study and experience another country. But I also knew that if for some reason I did not stay in England for 3 years, we would still have to continue a long distance relationship and spend time apart. I think there are very few people on this board who have NOT spent a significant time apart from their loved one overseas.

Our original plan was for me to study over there for 3 years and within that time, become engaged and marry after I graduate. That way, we would not have to spend any time apart. Simple, huh?!? Haha! I laugh at my ignorance. Our plans have changed one billion times since then-- when you start talking fiancee visas, spousal visas, British visas vs. American visas, blah blah blah...... There is so MUCH we all go thru with over seas relationships {and they are all well worth it too!} But understand if your plan doesnt work, you WILL have to spend time apart. By going to England now to study, *might not* solve everything. It could {and for your sake, I hope it does!} but in my case and many others-- the most simple solution right now is not always the RIGHT solution in the long run.

You also mentioned "He cannot move here for a while - at least a year." I am not familiar with your story but how is he allowed to come here {on which visa were you planning on?} If  he is willing and allowed to come here in one year, you could wait- continue working and start your studies. That way neither of you loses out on any life plans or significant money but you still get your dream of being together {trust me, TONS of us have gone thru that time period away from our loves ones with just visits every few months- if that!} Just ideas

I agree with Jim H-- what happens if everything went sour? You are then committed to being there for 3 years or possibly losing money to a degree you didnt complete if you go home {like me!} Can you not study your masters full-time in 2 years? That one year may make a difference. That way if something did happen, you are only there for one less year.

{And I stress- going to an university affiliated with the American financial aid system-- get as much financial support as you can get!}

Sorry to go on and on... You just bought me back to my similar situation last year!

Soooo>>> if your boyfriend is going to support you while you study and work- GO FOR IT! It was such an amazing experience for me and I loved living there.  But if you are going to have to support yourself and dont have gobs of money saved up-- check over your finances and see if this would work for THREE YEARS. Its the mistake I made. Please let us know what you and best wishes to you!!!!!!!!!!!! 

A master's degree in the UK - 11 months full time (w/ the abillity to work part time)
A master's degree in the US - 3-4yrs part time (paid by work)

I will be living with Steve and he will be supporting me. The $ made while working will cover my "fun" money. 

The plan if it doesn't work with him, is to stick it out the rest of the year either in his flat (2br) or on campus.

I meant in your first question that by going there for a year it's not a permanent move for either of us - very little risk if things wouldn't work (for some reason). I believe in us, but no one can predict the future.

He is currently going through a divorce and has a son (13yrs). He'd prefer to wait to move to the US at least year if not 2.

Univ. of Leeds is recognized by fafsa and I can get $18K in stafford loans.

I appreciate everyone's insight. I realize nothing is foolproof.  I also anticipate time apart after I am done studying...that cannot be planned yet. I'm going ahead with it provided work gives me official written permission to take the time and return. I will know for sure if all systems are go in May

Hi Andrea,
I rarely take my own advice, but I say, "go."  I would.  It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.  You're right -- nothing is permanent.  If, for some reason, it doesn't work out    , you'll still have a great item to add to your résumé, and you'll have had a great adventure that most other people only wish they would have had the opportunity to experience.
I would rather regret the risks I've taken, the choices I've made, and the experiences I've had as opposed to always wondering "what if . . .?"  Why regret "what could have been"?  You're young!  

Sorry, was just trying to give you another point of view.

Sounds like you have all your priorities lined up. I wish you luck- go and have fun! 

I moved over here to do my Masters and moved in with my now husband after doing the long distance thing for about a year and a half. It was the right thing to do for sure and we're now married.

But make absolutely sure you know what your uni will require of you. Mine required me to show proof of 10K in living expenses ON TOP OF tuition which meant a loan of about $30K - I had to take a supplemental loan in addition to my Stafford Loan. Even if your bf is supporting you, if you have to prove living expenses, they'll ask for his bank statements, proof that he owns his house, etc.  Also, you probably already know this, but if you decide it's too much for you (and doing a Master's in a year is definitely no cake walk), you can't go part-time as an international student.... In the end I couldn't hack it and ended up going part-time after getting married and even now they still consider me an international student and require me to provide proof of 25 hours per week of work, minimum, in order to pay home student part-time tuition....

So if you're going into it with your eyes wide open and you're feeling pretty sure about the relationship, go for it, but be sure you're not biting off more than you can chew!

Good luck!!

I'll be the voice of dissent here.  $20,000 to pay back is a lot.  A whole, whole lot.  When you're writing that cheque every month for 5 years, 10 years, whatever your term is, that's when it really hits home how much it is.  I went down the debt road once, in my 20's.  I used to be the 'follow your heart' type.  So I did.  I followed it right into bankrupcy, in fact.  It was a hard lesson to learn, and yep, I was a degreed professional earning good money who thought it would never happen to me/can't happen to me/I'm different from all the other people it's happened to/My situation is different/etc., etc.  If I had the chance to get an education paid by my work, I'd do it.  I've put off a badly needed career change for 3 years in order to qualify for home tuition.  To me, it's worth the wait.   

Of course this is entirely your decision, but the rearview mirror is always 20/20. 

Best of luck to you in whatever you decide.

expat_in_scotland:

Just curious, but isn't there a difference in school loan debt as oppposed to other debt such as credit cards and personal loans?  I currently have undergrad debt of about $14K, my payments are quite manageable. I also have a car loan which I can handle, but I have a personal loan that was killing me til I refinanced it. I don't want to drown in debt upon my return and am just looking for clarification and direction. I am taking all of these posts into consideration before any committments are made.
That being said...
My field being international studies, I feel that it's invaluable the education I will receive while abroad, not just technically, but also culturally. I studied abroad for one semester in Costa Rica and cannot compare that to any semester domestically at all.

AnneG:

Can you tell me what school you attended and what program (major) it was? I would love to know more to make sure I don't set myself up for something I cannot handle.  I realize it will be real work, I currently have friends that have done their masters or are doing it now while working. I just want to know what made it so difficult you had to cut down?  So much reading or was it too many papers? Thank you so much for your help!

To me, debt is debt.  I had student loan debt as well at one point.  Anything you have to pay back w/interest is debt, be it student loans, credit cards, personal loans, etc.  I guess it's all relative - I'd find $32K worth of student loan debt a lot, especially if I didn't have to take on $18K of it and I had other debts like a personal loan as well. 

But hey, you asked for opinions so I gave mine.  Your mind is already made up.  Enjoy your course  !

Yes, check with your Uni about what you have to prove. 4 years ago at Reading, I did not have to prove the same stuff AnneG did (I'd have to go back and look to see what I did prove). There is an organization that does supplemental loans on top of Stafford.

And while I do agree with expat to some degree about loans, if you know the MA will improve your salary upon your return, it could well be worth the investment.

It sounds like a great opportunity to me. I'd be cautious but probably go for it if I were you.

I managed a long distance relationship with my now wife for more than a year while I was in the US in the Marine Corps and she was in Europe.  It was not easy but the visits made it bearable and in the end it made us stronger.  I don't know the exact facts of your job and the offer to pay for your education but if a Master's Degree is important to you, you have two of the best programs in the world right in Washington (Georgetown and John's Hopkins) and I am certain that the Leeds program would not compare.  I would suggest taking advantage of one of those programs if the government will pay for it and if your guy does not mind coming over in a year.  Just another point of view.  Best of luck in whatever you decide.