Fellow Americans

So, here's the thing.  I have a job where I wait on hundreds of people a day, and since it's in a college I see the same people everyday.  There are some people that I joke with, but not as much as my co-workers do.  Up until now, I've put that down to the fact that I'm not terribly outgoing.  But yesterday, I had one of those things happen that makes you see things clearly and it had quite an effect on me.  There was an American guy who came in, he's only visiting so I've never met him before, and the thing is, within minutes we were joking and laughing.  And other people were laughing.  And I realized that it's because I could read him.  Being a fellow American I could suss him out right away.  I instantly knew what I could say, how he would react, what he would find funny.  And jeez, I've been her FOURTEEN YEARS!  Why can I not do this with English people.  Why is this so hard?  Now, I want to make something clear.  I AM NOT saying that I can't joke around with English people.  I AM NOT saying that I can joke around with Americans every time I meet them.  I've waited on plenty of Americans with barely a word spoken.  What I'm saying is that I can read Americans with barely any effort at all and it gave me a whole new insight into my relationships here and what has been a very real problem I've had with my shyness since moving here.  

Hi Mindy:

That is really interesting. Isn't it weird how you can just feel automatically comfortable with someone from your own country (or state!)

I wonder what would happen if you did that to your UK pals that you see everyday (just feed off of their converstion and respond like you would to another American?)

When I lived with my UK pals @ Disney, I acted exactly the same as I would here in NY and I KNOW some of them were very curious at first by my words and actions, but after awhile they understood where I was coming from and vice-versa. Hell, people from other STATES didn't understand where I was coming from half the time!! It's a funny thing though, because my UK pals chose their words carefully around me- they wouldn't use much English slang and used American words instead of their English versions (gas station instead of petrol, ATM instead of cash point, trunk instead of boot, you get the idea...) I told them they didn't have to "translate" the words so I can undertand (I enjoyed learning the different words) but they said they wanted to "fit in." Funny, huh?!

I don't find you shy at all from your posts; you express your feelings very well. But if you feel you have been shy with people and it could be hindering future relationships (even if they are casual "how ya doin's?" everyday) at least you realized it. Most people wouldn't make the effort to further their communication skills with their fellow peers.

So, are you going to be more outgoing now and see what happens? Let me know what's up; its very interesting.  

Thanks.  I am myself with my friends and people that I've known for awhile.  It's not so much understanding and being understood, it's more being able to tell how a person is going to react to something.  I find this very difficult sometimes with English people that I don't know well in a way that I don't find difficult with Americans that I've just met.  I don't think I'll change the way I act because if I still find it difficult to read people after fourteen years it'll probably always be.    I just now have an understanding of why I find it so difficult to be myself when I first meet someone.  I guess it's a longer process of getting to know someone when you're an expat.

That was brilliant insight and I think it makes a lot of sense.  I honestly think it explains a lot.  I agree... it's not like you have problems relating to British people, or that there is some sort of block there... there's just SOMETHING about being able to click with certain people given similar backgrounds.

In the beginning I had a really hard time reading English people. For example, my guy's dad has a very strong accent, and when I first met him I was like, "could you repeat that??" after practically every sentence he spoke. I must have looked like a complete idiot. It was humiliating!   (Now I understand him perfectly, thank god!)

I also wasn't sure, at first, whether or not people were joking and if I was supposed to laugh or not. But after a while I got the hang of it. Overall, they have a fabulous sense of "humour", but they're a lot more subtle about it. They may not even smile as they're telling a joke, they'll say it totally deadpan -- you just have to think a little harder to "get it". I've found that you kind of have to keep on your toes and be careful not to look like an idiot when speaking to a Brit, or else their subtleties will fly right past you!

In America, it IS different. I feel I can just smile at people and chat away freely -- it's very easygoing-- but in England I felt a lot more shy about starting conversations because I wasn't sure what to say, or how to make small talk without being too gregarious, if you know what I mean. Like you, Mindy, I found it really hard to just be myself.  :-/

I found it really hard to just be myself.

I think that's it in a nutshell for me. I'm walking on eggshells until I get to know the person. With an American, that veil is almost immediately dropped.

When I smoked many years ago, I found that being a smoker immediately put you in a "group". As soon as I saw someone with a cigarette, I gravitated over, and immediately had a kinship and an opening line, "Got a light?".

That's exactly it Collington.  I've always thought that there was some sort of block there.  A sort of barrier that I had to break through-now, I'm really beginning to think that it's my own caution that I've been dealing with all these years.  I can read different types of people-am able to quickly slide someone into a category so I know how to approach them-but as far as quickly figuring out whether someone is friendly/a wise-ass/mean etc. that takes a couple of conversations-not always a long time, it's just not immediate.  But if an American talks to me, I can very quickly tell what sort of person they are and how to talk to them.  This guy who came into the shop the other day, just after one sentence I could tell that he was a joker and I knew what he would find funny.  The weird thing was he didn't say anything unusual and some things were the same sort of thing British customers say-I don't know I guess it was the tone or something because I knew exactly what he meant.  Sometimes people say things to me and I have no idea how to react.  And sometimes I'll say something to people that I think is really funny and they'll just look at me so I guess it goes both ways.  

Er, just so everyone knows, I'm not a complete social reject.  I do interact with people.  

All the messages you all have put out on here are so so true.. You always know how to talk to "your own kind" as my sister would put it.. And it's true even from state to state in America as it can be hard to read others. I find it hard to sometimes to talk to a New Yorker coming from California myself. But here in Britain, I am definetely a lot shyer than I would be back home. It's very difficult to say something and I think that British people tend to make jokes that sometimes would make me as an American think it was an insult, but they don't see it that way, they just see it as "taking the piss" or joking around. That's because I think that us Americans take things much more seriously and we freely express our emotions much more than a British person would. I mean, I don't think I've ever seen anyone cry or get outrageous on the Trisha show (hahaha).. and it's very difficult sometimes because I have to shove my feelings deep down and not say exactly how I feel as I'm not sure if a British person would understand it or not. The other day at the gym I was chatting to a fellow and he said I'll end up hurting someone if I keep talking because I talk with my hands most of the time. Talking to Americans though is by far more comfortable most definetly.. I suppose that why we call it CULTURE  

ps: I can't wait to see my family this year it will be nice to relax and say what I like.

The other day at the gym I was chatting to a fellow and he said I'll end up hurting someone if I keep talking because I talk with my hands most of the time.

You should warn him to avoid all Mediterranean countries then...not only do they talk with their hands but their women are known to hurl objects across the room with little impetus to do so... (speaking from personal experience of course).

At least you guys are aware of what you are saying....I babble on and on and then maybe once I get odd looks then rephrase so as to not offend.