Toilet phobia - 4 year old

While visiting home in the states, my daughter encountered her first automatic flush toilet. Unfortunately, she was in the middle of her business at the time it went off. Leapt straight into my arms mid-stream. Ever since then, going to the bathroom in public places has been a nightmare. We have never had problems with her using the toilet anywhere before, in fact she was remarkably good about it once potty trained. But now, first she checks to see if it is an automatic flusher or not and even if it isn't she sometimes won't use it. 'Mommy, you go first' and even then she will balk when it is her turn. Try flushing it to show her how it works and that doesn't always convince her. And heaven help us when we are in a multi-toilet bathroom and I have finally got her to sit on the toilet and start to go when someone else flushes.

Needless to say, this whole thing is extremely frustrating -- for her as well as for me, I imagine. Tried waiting her out ('We aren't going anywhere until you go,'); tried being stern, tried being understanding, and everything inbetween. Now I am at the point where if she won't go, I don't even indulge the game for a moment: you won't go? Ok, let's go. End of story.

To be honest, I don't know how to handle this. I know she will get over it and grow out of it, I just want to help it along and not make it worse in the meantime. Any tips, ideas or other experiences would be a help.

Oh, hugs.  That sounds like it's a real drain. 
One thing to remember is that four year olds are strange creatures.  That's the age that they become obsessed with death or ghosts or monsters in the closet.  It's just something in their little minds that stops trusting you completely and starts questioning the outside world.
If it was me, I'd stick to toilets that she was familiar with-I'd try to work out where we were most likely to find automatic toilets and avoid them like the plague-if I was in town or where ever I'd only stick to familiar(safe) toilets.  And I'd probably develop a plan-Mommy goes first to suss it out, if it's safe(non-automatic) then she goes, if it's not, then we go find another.  I wouldn't push it, and I wouldn't  force her to use an automatic.  I'd stay calm, I'd treat it very matter of fact and I would try not to make an issue of it-just these are the toilets we go to in town, this is what we do when we go to an unfamiliar toilet.  I've no idea if this is the right thing to do but it's how I would handle it.  Good luck to you.   

Oh I feel for you! My son went through a phase when he was about 3-1/2 where he would not use public toilets if the seat was black, or didn't go all the way around ( the cutout in front). It was a nightmare. We also had to test flush to make sure it wasn't too loud! He was terrified and no amount of bargaining or waiting him out would help. He would freak out and back away from the toilet almost in tears once you got him near. He did learn amazing bladder control, though I would worry about him waiting so long on trips and such. He eventually just got over it himself when he started a daycare center and had to use the toilet throughout the course of his day. I think Mindy had great advice. Not forcing the issue, and not trying to convince her to use the automatic flush ones is a good route. No matter how irrational a kid's fears may seem to us, they are real to them. Best of luck to you, I am sure she will grow out of this and move onto a new challenge soon haha the joy of kids. I love it, makes for great stories as they grow 

Oh, tough one. Maybe you can try distraction methods. Bring books or hand puppets when she has to go and maybe make a little game of it. Good luck!

Thanks, guys. I am going to just attempt to keep my cool and not force the issue. If she's not gonna go, well, I will just shrug it off. I will try and talk her through the fear  -- not by saying there's nothing to be afraid of, but that it's ok to be scared sometimes and get her to talk herself through her fear. I started that today when even after having used our toilet twice she freaked out about it in the afternoon. Earlier we'd been to the maternity hospital and I had a blood test (she was in the creche at the time having a ball). I hate blood tests, and needles. Labor, no sweat. Needles, help me. So I told her we all get scared sometimes and showed her the band-aid and said even mommy is scared of somethings, too. She kinda thought about that one. Still had a tough time but we're working on it. Thanks again.