Native Californian on the Way to the UK

Well I just got my spousal Visa in Los Angeles this last Monday.  In brilliant sunshine and surrounded by palm trees the reality hit me... I am really going to move away from a place that has always been home, my family, friends, dog, and a decent job.  My feelings right now are sadness and I feel like I am saying goodbye to my life.  My British husband says that I will love Britian (I do! I've been there 8 times already and I have a good attitude about this--we'll most likely be living in Hampshire or Surrey)  However, I'm having a hard time coping with this move that I have happily agreed to make.  Does any one have any suggestions for coping with this huge life transition I am about to make??? It's really hard to leave everything behind even though I know this will be an exciting adventure.

Trudi

Make peace with your choice. Accept you will mourn your old life. Expect bouts of depression, and to find winter hard to cope with. Prepare for culture shock. Allow yourself to grieve. Then move on, and enjoy your new life.

Thanks for the kindsupport.  I have every intention of enjoying my new life.  It's just really hard to let go.

welcome trudi  am also from CA  .. the advice given  was wonderful.. keep cruising the boards.. you'll find  a lot of what you're looking for..  be good to yourself and  enjoy and relish everyl  ast minute you have with your family and friends..  things will change.. but you will be fine.. 

Thanks for your feedback.  Where in California are you from?  How long have you lived in the UK for and what have been the major adjustments for you?

I am from Southern California.. glendale, La Crescenta  area..   I have been in the UK  for 9 months.. married for 10..  hhmm..  I am not one of those  women  who came here and was  able  to embrace it all  easily  and be the UK's  #1 cheerleader.. so I may not be the best one to ask..  have you found the thread about  'what you wish you would have known"?  It is  a great, funny, realistic,  and  sobering  thread..  VERY true..
you will not have  stuff you think  it a 'given'.. that is a fact!!  .  stuff you wouldn't even think  to ask about because you assume everyone in every house  has  them.. (that was my first   and foremost one..)  then of course certain foods  and  certain  culture things.. I.E.  certain courtesies..  customer service..  pedestrian right of way...to name a few..   but now I've just come to terms with  the  age old advice that someone  so very cleverly stated on these boards..  when you stop comparing..and just  see it for what it is..  that that is how it is here  (UK)  you learn to  shake it off  easier..  it's just  'different".. if you want to  PM  me  please  do!!      when are you due  to arrive here?

Under what heading can I find what I wish I had known.

Trudif, it's under 'moving issues'...
But remember, that post was started something like 3 years ago, and some of those things no longer apply!

but not many don't apply...hee hee!!

Im moving to Bristol in January 06.  Ive lived in San Francisco my whole life and there are MANY things I will miss here.  But MANY I won't!  I read everyone elses replies to you here and they all have positive helpful things to say.  The one thing that sticks with me is this, I waited a lifetime to meet the man Im about to marry.  He is by far, the most amazing man Ive ever met and we are convinced we were made for each other.  It was a choice of him coming here or me there.  We chose the latter because of his career.  And also, I was ready for a change.  I loved many things about Bristol and Cardiff when I was there last month.  But basically, I can fly home to SF couple times a year, and have many good friends that are dying to come visit me in the UK.  I know its going to be tough for me on many levels.  The sadness and depression I feel now being away from him is what I won't miss!
Im glad I found this site today! 

welcome jenn..  wow!  fly back a few times a year?

  very lucky..
i get back once a year..so far  and my folks just left after their first  maybe last visit.. they weren't too impressed...  :\\\'(

Im moving to Bristol in January 06.  Ive lived in San Francisco my whole life and there are MANY things I will miss here.  But MANY I won't!  I read everyone elses replies to you here and they all have positive helpful things to say.  The one thing that sticks with me is this, I waited a lifetime to meet the man Im about to marry.  He is by far, the most amazing man Ive ever met and we are convinced we were made for each other.  It was a choice of him coming here or me there.  We chose the latter because of his career.  And also, I was ready for a change.  I loved many things about Bristol and Cardiff when I was there last month.  But basically, I can fly home to SF couple times a year, and have many good friends that are dying to come visit me in the UK.  I know its going to be tough for me on many levels.  The sadness and depression I feel now being away from him is what I won't miss!
Im glad I found this site today! 

Welcome to you. I am from SF many, many moons ago and live about 20 minutes outside of Bristol - it's a great area and a neat little city! Very compact and "do-able"!

Just a word of caution and this is in no way meant to rain on your parade.... But with regards to all those friends who intend to visit - take it with a grain of salt! I had the same thing happen to me - everyone said they'd visit, couldnt wait, yadda yadda. To date, i've had one friend visit (and she was dating a travel agent so did manage to come twice!) They were phenomenal visits and it was so wonderful.... but no one else has managed (other than family, of course!) and you do find one of the setbacks of moving is how damn hard you have to work on your friendships back home! And believe me, it's hard work! It is inevitable that over time, those dear friendships lessen a bit of their strength without the daily/weekly interaction. And I find it a bit sad that I am no longer as in the pocket close to friends as I used to be....but that is long distance life! ANd you will, of course, have darling hubby/partner and make new friends here and a new life..... Just remember on those visits home to really make time for the friends and not let the family monopolise you (as families sometimes tend to do... )

Just a word of caution and this is in no way meant to rain on your parade.... But with regards to all those friends who intend to visit - take it with a grain of salt! I had the same thing happen to me - everyone said they'd visit, couldnt wait, yadda yadda. To date, i've had one friend visit (and she was dating a travel agent so did manage to come twice!) They were phenomenal visits and it was so wonderful.... but no one else has managed (other than family, of course!) and you do find one of the setbacks of moving is how damn hard you have to work on your friendships back home! And believe me, it's hard work! It is inevitable that over time, those dear friendships lessen a bit of their strength without the daily/weekly interaction. And I find it a bit sad that I am no longer as in the pocket close to friends as I used to be....but that is long distance life!

That is so true, Hopster. I've only had one visit, too. And none from family!

Keeping in touch through phone calls and emails is pretty easy, but I've been surprised at times. One friend I considered a particularly close one hasn't called or written in a year. She was one of my friends I completely expected to stay close to. But then I've been pleasantly surprised by others who've done a great job of keeping in touch, although I hadn't necessarily expected it. So it works both ways.

However, I've made a ton of new friends over here, so I guess it all evens out. It does make me sad sometimes that I've lost touch with some old friends, but that is one of the things you have to be prepared for when you move long-distance.