making uk friends

im worried about being lonely when i move over!!  im not particularly social, ESPECAILLY in england! im scared of not having anyone to talk to except my husband. im looking for ideas on making friends, any experiences youve had, ways to overcome my shyness in a new place, or general observations about friendships in the uk. thanks!

Will you be getting a job here?
If so, it should all fall into place naturally... once you're at work, interacting with others, you start making friends. 

im not sure if i will right away. im sure that will help. im just so nervous about it!

The only advice i can really give, is that when you are invited someplace... to the pub, or whatever, dont turn it down, because if you do, they probably wont ask you again.  I think a lot of Americans have this attitude about not liking to drink, not liking to be in smoky places or whatever, but you have to realise that 'the pub' is a British institution... it's what they/we (i can say 'we' now, i guess, since i am now British!  ) do.  And if you turn  your nose up at that, no one will be impressed.

Good luck!

thanks!

i guess the hard part is getting invited huh? ha

If you're working, it will happen naturally...
if you're not working... im afraid i have no idea how people make friends when they dont go out to work. 

We had a young couple move here a few weeks ago,after they settled in they made a point of introducing themselves to the people either side of them although you could see it wasn't easy for them.But from there it snowballed as their neighbours in turn introduced them to others in the road,now they seem to know everyone and have made quite a few friends.

Dave

Karenn, I think where you move to also makes a difference. From my own experience and from what I've read on UKY about others' experiences, I think it's easier to make friends in a village or small community than in a larger city. Of course, there are exceptions, but I think in general that's true. Where are you heading?

Two things that I did:

1)  Joined a club - I'm into sports, so field hockey club was perfect.  I've met lots of people that way.
2)  Through my boyfriend...he had friends with girlfriends and I went out of my way to invite them to go to a pub one night...and now they are inviting me.  It's rare that people will turn down a pub outting!

I also keep an eye on my body language...I can be shy but I try to act as if I'm not...so that means that I smile at people, look them in the eye and have an expectation that they'll like me.  Do those things and you'll be fine! 

We are all in the same boat when we get here. I was able to meet school moms because I moved here with my two young sons.
Try to get involved and mix with the locals as soon as possible. It helps with the homesickness if you feel you are not so alone.
Also this site has really helped me even though I didnt find it till after being here over 3 years.

I had a large circle of friends in the uk that included people I met at my job, neighbours, horseriding friends and other moms.  Then we had friends of my husband's and I became friends with their wives...

Most of the people that I met were friendly and very sociable.  For instance, our neighbors happened to be the son of the people we bought our house from.  He and his wife were really nice and helpful when we moved in and since the guy grew up in the village, he was happy to share tons of stories, etc.  A friendship naturally grew from it, and we remained friends even after the moved out of the village.

I took up horseriding and through the stables, met lots of people, two of which I started to ride out with regularly (one had two horses and a yard in my village - very perfect).  I became great friends with these two ladies and we did lots of things together with our husbands.

Once my older son was in school, I met lots of really nice moms and, like DH and I, these couples were very sociable and did lots of dinners, barbeques, etc.

So, the things is to get out there:  work, hobbies, go to your local pub, etc.   Just start with the basic, small talk and eventually you'll meet people with similar interests.  Then, just suggest getting together.  I think you'll find that people there make more time for their social lives. 

Well that was my experience.  Maybe I just found lots of people who, like myself, liked to eat and drink!   

Good luck!

Being new is not easy. I am a bit worried about making friends as well. I love people and tend to make friends easily, but i am very outgoing and loud, not on pourpose its just me. I like to be around people and i smile a lot.
  I am nervous because i dont wan to frighten anyone off.
   I love horseridding. there is a place near where my husband 's family lives. they have lived there for years. i am curious about it because i lov ehorses so much.
  i never make work friends. they aleays seem to be so  crazy a work here in the US. so i never go out with people. maybe i will , since its good advice given . I will try to rmeember to nt decline invites.

 Shala

Just be yourself guys, you will be fine.  Some great ideas here.  I can't express how much getting a job is important though!  Especially if you don't have kids. (As Pebbles and Kellie said about the mom network) Before I worked I had a few friends through Rich's workplace, but I always felt it was forced (It wasn't they are great people)  But now I go out all the time with my friends from work, I'm thrilled to have found them!

Just go get yourself involved maybe take a class , the gym or volunteering. Depending on the area you may find someplaces are easier than others to make friendships. I think for me being in London it was actually the opposite ..with a child it was harder to make friends. You have clusters of mums that are either too shy or too cliquey. You also had childless couples or friends that didn't like possibility of hang out with a "mum" I didn't make many friends through my first job because my coworkers where much older so we didn't have things in common. I made my friends through working in community centres and uni.

It's a bit of trial and error but if you don't focus too much and relax you'll eventually make friends.

karenn...

I can relate to most of what you are saying.  The only person that I really knew when I moved over was my husband, his guy friends (who have no girlfriends) and my husband's family.  I also know what you mean about being shy, I'm not a shy person so to say but I was really really scared to open my mouth in public, for fear that people would suddenly lump me into the 'typical American' stereotype.  I also battle with depression so sometimes I know it's not so easy as to just jump straight into things.  Here is what I did.

Even though I said it wasn't easy to jump straight into things, thats what I tried to do.  I started going to school 3 weeks upon arrival into this country, just to be around girls and hopefully make some friends that way (I'm doing a beauty therapy course)

Get out of the house as much as possible, it's a mistake I made when I first came here - I holed myself away into our tiny terrace which gets virtually no sunlight during the winter and I felt miserable.  Just try getting out and for me - I'll go into a new shop that I haven't been in before - the quaint bookstores are good.  Just start up a conversation with people.  And this isn't easy I know - but you just do it, and you'll see, that most people will be really genuinely interested in you and want to get to know you.  And once people start recognising you on a name basis, you'll feel so much more like part of society. 

People mention jobs.  I still don't have a job so to say - but I wanted to ease into it slowly.  Get on some temp agency books, so that you can do day/week work.  You'll start meeting people, and you won't have to feel so scared about a new career - after all, it would just be a day/week/temporary job - and you can accept what work you want to do!  I don't know what your skills are, but if you are at least reasonably computer literate you can do data inputting - that's what I did.  I only did this for a few days but I worked with some wonderful people who spend most of the day talking about me and asking me questions and they asked me if I would consider coming in every month for a few days - that's all it took! 

I recently joined a gym.  Today for example, someone came in the sauna while I was in there, and I just started up a conversation with her - soon I know that I will start to see the same faces and I'll at least be on a friendly basis with them. 

One thing I have learned (and what others have said in a different way) is that people won't keep coming up to you, you need to at least make an effort.   Just knowing that others are going through the same thing has helped me as well (by being a member of this board).  If you want to talk, send me a private message!