Etiquette

So I guess it would be considered bad etiquette to dunk your roll in the soup at a restaurant, and eat it that way? After smearing butter all over it first?

Oh dear. I do this!
 Well, I butter it one half at a time, but I'm sensing this is a no-no as well?

Yes, it is a no-no. You are meant to break off 1-2 bite pieces and butter them as you eat them. If your pieces are larger than one bite, eat them in two quick bites without setting the piece back down. No one at the table wants to see food put back on your plate after you have taken a bite out of it.

Having said that, come to my house any time - I will serve homemade soup and freshly baked bread. And I won't say a word if you want to slurp your soup or slather the still-warm slices of bread with tons of butter.  Heck I won't even care if you don't properly tilt your soup bowl away from you as you scoop up the soup

Rosie

Yes, it is a no-no. You are meant to break off 1-2 bite pieces and butter them as you eat them. If your pieces are larger than one bite, eat them in two quick bites without setting the piece back down. No one at the table wants to see food put back on your plate after you have taken a bite out of it.

I know I'm going to come off as a total snob, but this is one of my pet peeves. You're absolutely right about breaking bread into bite-size pieces, Rosie. I can't stand it if I'm eating out and the person I'm with starts buttering their entire roll! UGH!!!!

Me, too, Melissa! I was taught a very proper British way of using knives and forks, so the American way always seemed really heavy-handed and unattractive to me. I've always been told to hold the fork, tines down, in the left hand, and the knife in the right. If you want to pause for conversation during eating, you put both the knife down and then the fork across it, still tines down. In a restaurant, this is a sign to your waiter that you haven't finished your meal, but are merely taking a break. When you are finished, you place your knife and fork side by side, the fork with its tines up and knife with the blade facing the fork. That's the signal that you're done. It might sound picky, but it's been ingrained into me by my parents since I could first eat food on my own, so it just comes naturally.

This is so interesting!  You are the only other person I've ever known who knows how to properly set their utensils while eating!!  I think the actual position (tines up or down after eating) is a regional thing, but otherwise it's what I've always done.  I also eat with fork in my left hand, tines down, even though I'm American.  I've always done this, not sure where I got it from as no one in my family eats this way. 

I also eat my chips with a fork if in a "sit down" resturant.  Fast food fries (which I hardly ever eat anyway) are finger food.  I don't cut up all my food like I'm six, it's funny how people interpret a question.    But, as in my example, if I have a small bit left and it can be cut into three pieces then I will do that.  And dear Simon didn't mention it in a nasty way, he just thinks it's cute that I'm "so American".

Oh - and according to my Vanderbilt book of Etiquette - it is proper to tilt your soup bowl away from you when getting to the bottom of the serving. 

While much of it seems very silly and fussy, I think it makes such a difference in how one appears in public.  Not from a snobby perspective, but just good ol' plain civilized!!  I can't tell you how many times I see teenagers eating out with their parents and eating like cave men, holding a fork like an ice pick, and letting their silverware fall all over the place.     And I don't even want to talk about the (non)use of napkins!!! 

~Liza

I don't think that I have ever seen anyone in America break their bread into little pieces and eat those one at a time.  I certainly don't and no one in my family does. 

While much of it seems very silly and fussy, I think it makes such a difference in how one appears in public.  Not from a snobby perspective, but just good ol' plain civilized!! 
~Liza

I guess it does really seem very fussy to me, but then again I'm the 6 year old that cuts my meat into pieces  My Mom taught us the same table manners she was taught (with the exception of children not speaking until spoken to hehe):  No talking with your mouth full, no elbows on the table, no humming (that was for me), no interrupting each other (sometimes achieved this), no chewing with your mouths open,  no licking your fingers , no arguing at the table! etc 

If I were to be thrust into a situation that required knowledge of the use of multiple forks and spoons that I've never in my life used before, I'd probably consult a book about it.  But the likelihood of this happening is very slim  I think I'd feel very uncomfortable in that sort of situation anyway- not because I couldn't handle myself in a respectful way and without drawing attention to myself, but because I just like to be comfortable and enjoy my meal and conversation with people around me!

My feeling is that you don't have to consult an etiquette book to be civilised.  It is really important to be thoughtful and respectful of other diners, though- and if you're doing something that could potentially make them uncomfortable, it may be time to reconsider why and how you do it!

While much of it seems very silly and fussy, I think it makes such a difference in how one appears in public.  Not from a snobby perspective, but just good ol' plain civilized!!  I can't tell you how many times I see teenagers eating out with their parents and eating like cave men, holding a fork like an ice pick, and letting their silverware fall all over the place.     And I don't even want to talk about the (non)use of napkins!!! 

~Liza

You are right, some of it does make sense. Such as the scooping the spoon away from you (as not to splash yourself)

The bread  issue is rather amusing to me. I have always been told the opposite - that it is rude to dip and re-dip your knife in butter (or anything else, for that matter - cooties ).

A roll is to be buttered, and then pulled apart into bite sized pieces. Hmm, maybe it is one of those regional things?

I have also heard about taking a smear of butter, and leaving it on the side of the plate, for reuse. But this seems so wasteful (I use little butter)

If I were to be thrust into a situation that required knowledge of the use of multiple forks and spoons that I've never in my life used before, I'd probably consult a book about it.  But the likelihood of this happening is very slim  I think I'd feel very uncomfortable in that sort of situation anyway- not because I couldn't handle myself in a respectful way and without drawing attention to myself, but because I just like to be comfortable and enjoy my meal and conversation with people around me!

Move from the outside in! 

I, like every kid, hated etiquette when I was very young, but now it intrigues me. (For an amusing site, check out etiquettehell.com)

The funny thing is, that 90% of these rules came from Victorians who wanted to look "civil" and "better", and separate themselves  from society's boars.

The white wedding dress - Queen Victoria saw it as royal simplicity. Up and coming Americans saw it as an opportunity to display wealth - look at this impractical, can never be worn again (unless the bride is high society) dress. At it's much like the Queen's!

Now white represents virginity, while it used to be blue, representing the Virgin Mary.  However, I'll spare you one of my long costume v. society lectures!

No, go on! This is fascinating!!

I was taught a very proper British way of using knives and forks, so the American way always seemed really heavy-handed and unattractive to me. I've always been told to hold the fork, tines down, in the left hand, and the knife in the right.

What 'American way' do you mean?  I didn't know this was considered using cutlery in the British manner; it's how I learned to use a knife and fork as well (as an American in America).  So now I'm puzzled: is there another method?  Holding the fork, tines down, in the left hand while holding the knife in the right is the only I can recall ever having seen employed (aside from seeing toddler's grasping the fork in a fist, that is!).  How else would one do it?

Move from the outside in! 

The white wedding dress - Queen Victoria saw it as royal simplicity. Up and coming Americans saw it as an opportunity to display wealth - look at this impractical, can never be worn again (unless the bride is high society) dress. At it's much like the Queen's!

Now white represents virginity, while it used to be blue, representing the Virgin Mary.  However, I'll spare you one of my long costume v. society lectures!

Ahhh I love history and Queen Victoria is definitely one of my favourite historical women! Even my own mother questioned my choice of dress for my wedding- it was a red, sleeveless, silk/linen dress and I loved it!

But I have to say, ...Sprigged..., I visited your website and your dresses are exquisite! I'd learn to use all the right forks and spoons AND even cut my meat one bit at a time if I had an opportunity to wear one of your Jane Austen-y creations! Just lovely 

What 'American way' do you mean? I didn't know this was considered using cutlery in the British manner; it's how I learned to use a knife and fork as well (as an American in America). So now I'm puzzled: is there another method? Holding the fork, tines down, in the left hand while holding the knife in the right is the only I can recall ever having seen employed (aside from seeing toddler's grasping the fork in a fist, that is!). How else would one do it?

The American way is much the same, except that you then take the fork in your right hand (set the knife down first, please) and put it in your mouth tines up.

Didn't think I'd have to re-learn how to eat at 37....

The American way is much the same, except that you then take the fork in your right hand (set the knife down first, please) and put it in your mouth tines up.

All that switching back and forth! What for?!? And I've seen lots of Americans cut meat (or anything cuttable) in a weird way. They sort of hold their fork in a fist in their left hand and saw away with the knife in the other hand. It's not a pretty thing. I'm not saying all Americans do it, but many do. And I've never seen anyone in the UK eat that way.

The bread  issue is rather amusing to me. I have always been told the opposite - that it is rude to dip and re-dip your knife in butter (or anything else, for that matter - cooties ).

No, you take some butter and leave it on the edge of your bread plate. Then you break your bread into small pieces and then you butter each piece as you eat it. Simple! 

I know I'm going to come off as a total snob, but this is one of my pet peeves. You're absolutely right about breaking bread into bite-size pieces, Rosie. I can't stand it if I'm eating out and the person I'm with starts buttering their entire roll! UGH!!!!

Hmmmm....your b/f not wanting to eat out...it's all starting to make sense now...