transatlantic pregnancy (the really sad sequal)

well -
for those of you that remember i found out in february that i was expecting and immigratied to the UK to be with my bebe's father.

long story short - -
his family offered not one word of aknowledgement or support
he pretty much degraded and hurt me daily and could not deal with the pregnancy at all -
i heard often that i had pushed him into it and his mother soothes him by saying that i "trapped" him and that he should have nothing to do with the baby among other unkind sentiments.
all i know is if i was going to do some trapping it would be for a little better catch but that's neither here nor there.
anyhoo -
last sunday got cruel enough and violent enough to really freak me out
i'll end with that and just say that the experince was beyond bad and has left me in a terrible state.
end result being he bought a ticket and sent me home in hysterics monday with out a penny to my name and nothing to provide for our child....

at this point i'm 21 weeks...
not much time to pull my life together with nothing at all and to pull it together to keep bebe safe as well
so -
i'm back in the US with my family trying to recover from the shock of it and feeling a little more then delicate
i have no clue how to begin or what to do -
does anyone know if there is a way to pursue child support that won't be financially straining and horrible for me ?
in america i am slightly farmiliar with friend of the court and i know that they will help but i'm just wondering if this will all be more stress then it's worth or what the actual laws are in england....

any advice would once again be really really helpful.
needless to say i'm totally freaked out at the mo -

Oh, Esther!  Sorry, I don't know how to go about getting support from the father, but just want to say you have my most abject sympathies.  Are you and the baby going to be okay?  You DO NOT need a violent partner in your life - you deserve better, and your baby deserves better than a father who doesn't want him/her. 

Does your state have a healthcare plan for unemployed uninsured?  Or for kids?  A lot of states at least offer them for children.  Please see your local Planned Parenthood or social work department to gather your resources and make sure you get adequate prenatal care. 

You poor soul.  You're going to be allright, hon.  (((HUGS))) and hope more advice comes your way.

I'm so sorry to hear this Esther!  How unbelievably awful that you have to go through this!  I'm afraid I have no advise for you, but I wanted to let you know I wish you the best.  What awful disgusting people!

I know that you can apply in England to have child support against someone living in the US and from reading this website, it seems likely you can do the reverse.

http://www.csa.gov.uk/newcsaweb/remo.asp

I'm really sorry about your situation.  You will get through this, I promise.  Even though it looks bleak and it seems the worst has happened, I promise you will get through this.  Sending you a PM.

Oh, my goodness.  I'm so sorry to hear this.  Thank God you got out when you did.  Take care of yourself and your little one. 

Sorry to hear about this Esther.  I don't have any practical advice but I seem to remember reading there is some kind of reciprocal agreement between the UK & US which means that you can pursue the case for child support.  Good luck and many hugs.

I'm so sorry to hear about this, and I think you are a smart, BRAVE woman for doing what you are doing - - for taking care of you and your baby and getting out of a bad  situation. My deepest sympathies are with you and your little one. (hug)

Esther -
This place is in Chicago, maybe they can help you:  http://www.hullhouse.org/cw/

Best of luck to you and your baby, I'm so sorry to hear of this sad turn of events, but glad you are safe and well.

~Liza

I'm so sorry to read about your story.  How horrific!  How a man can do this to his unborn child is disgusting.  Stay strong.  (hugs )

Oh, Esther! Sorry, I don't know how to go about getting support from the father, but just want to say you have my most abject sympathies. Are you and the baby going to be okay? You DO NOT need a violent partner in your life - you deserve better, and your baby deserves better than a father who doesn't want him/her.

Does your state have a healthcare plan for unemployed uninsured? Or for kids? A lot of states at least offer them for children. Please see your local Planned Parenthood or social work department to gather your resources and make sure you get adequate prenatal care.

You poor soul. You're going to be allright, hon. (((HUGS))) and hope more advice comes your way.

yes - in michigan where i am now - we do have a health plan for unwed mothers that i am going to get as soon as possible.

my largest concern at this point is handeling the situation with him.
my feeling is this, and i speak from my own experince with a father that wasn't around.
if he won't pay child support or help it might be best to exclude him from the birth certificate and never allow him or anyone in his rotten family access to bebe ever.
on the other hand -
if i am going to allow him to know or experince anything that has to do with the baby ever i really need to make up my mind now and just him do what he can, when he can, although it sounds unfair to me.

i really don't beleive that his whole family will go through the rest of their lives and have NO interst in seeing this baby.
i can't comprehend it but maybe they really are that off color...

i don't know.
the fact of the matter is that child support would be nice.
and desperatley needed.
anyone in cornwall feel like going and giveing him a good kick in the shins for me ? ? j/k

it really bothers me to think that he's going on with his life and finding extra money in his pockets to play and have fun well i sort out how i'm going to provide with this little innocent person.
it's astounding that any parent could turn their back on a baby, i'll never ever understand it.
and even more so how no one in his life has the nerve to just call a spade a spade and say that his behavior is WRONG.

thanks for all the support.
x

Do they have to agree to be on the certificate?  I'm not sure how that works, unfortunately.  Also, might want to see what having him on the birth certificate means as far as custody goes.  There have been some ladies who have to get permission from the birth fathers to expatriate with their kids just b/c the man's name is on the birth certificate.  But not 100% sure how this works, either.  Hopefully someone here will know.

Guess it might be a sort of trade off - child support may mean having to deal with him for good; no child support may mean being able to do whatever you want w/o consulting him.

Glad you're getting the right medical treatment you deserve. 

Best to you and baby!

Oh - you are in Michigan - your profile said Chicago so that's where I looked.  I'm also in Michigan, and I'm glad to hear you will have access to tons of social programs here.  There is also a program that offers housing and assistance to "battered" mothers, for which you may qualify.  I'm glad you are on your way to making a life for you and the little one.  It certainly won't be easy, but I'm sure it will be worth it in the long run.  Try not to look too far ahead, and keep it all in perspective.

Hang in there!

~Liza

I'm so sorry you are going thru this. My gut instinct, obviously based only on what I've read of your posts, is to cut your ties. Much as you might need the money, the aggravation of getting it could be really difficult. However, I'd be far more concerned about a man who has shown violence to you possibly showing it to your child somewhere down the road.

Just my 2p.

thanks again -
i guess starting with friend of the court and looking into some legal advice would be best -

i think the worst part of all this is that he's stolen some of my enthusiasm and excitment for our baby's birth.
what should be a happy event has turned to worry and sadness.
i'm trying not to pity myself but the truth is - it's baby i pity most.
it just shocks me again and again that someone could write off such a sweet little thing that's made NO mistakes and done nothing wrong.

at the end of the day i'm sure we will be fine.
it just tears my heart to pieces when i think of haveing to explain someday why baby's father isn't around.
no one deserves that.
period.