Catholic wedding problem

My fiancé and I are trying to arrange our wedding in Scotland for sometime next year.  We found a castle where we'd like to have the reception.  The castle takes care of all of the planning and details.  Now they've told us that they cannot get a Catholic priest to perform the ceremony.  The reason we were given is that we're not from around there.  Can anyone think of a reason why that would make sense?  I can understand if the priest would not want to perform the Sacrament of Marriage whilst not inside a Church.  Fine, so we'll have it at his church, and then have our reception afterwards at the castle.  Nope.  No dice. 
This is of relatively high importance to me.  I spent 14 years in Catholic schools, but I'm not Ms. Super-Catholic, and I don't have any priestly friends here in the U.S. who could "call in a favour" to their Scottish counterparts.  If we complete the pre-Cana classes here in the U.S. or even down in London, where my DF lives, we would easily be able to submit a letter attesting to the same.  I'm just about  right now, and I'm thinking of just going with the Chuch of Scotland vicar.
Has anyone ever come across this, and/or does anyone have any ideas on what we can do?

It sounds vaguely familiar that there is a rule of some sort that at least one of you needs to be a member of the parish where the wedding is being held... i think this is true for RC, CofE and CofS churches.... 

I'm not 100% sure on this, cos i didnt have a church wedding, but this sounds like it could be what they're talking about when they say they cant marry you because you're 'not from around here'.

Thanks otterpop.  Interestingly though, the CofS (Reverend, vicar, not sure what they're called) will have no problem marrying us.  Fourteen years of Catholic school, Mass every Sunday.  Thanks, Catholic Church.   

That's really a shame... im sorry to hear you've had this disappointment.

The Church of Scotland is Presbyterian, so will be different from what you're used to...  I've not been to a CofS wedding, but im pretty sure there will not be Holy Communion.  So i hope you're not expecting that...
The 'priest' in the church of Scotland is just called 'the minister' and will probably be titled 'Reverend', but some of them go by 'Mr'!

Hope it all goes well...

Could you somehow "join" the church before the wedding?  We technically had to be members of the synagogue the rabbi belonged to so he could marry us.  We joined a couple months before the wedding (i.e. paid him his fee, filled out some forms and spent a couple hours talking with him) and it all went fine.  Granted, it wasn't a small chunk of money, but it was important to us so it was worth it.

Just a thought.

CofE is pretty similarl to a Catholic service. I think you have the option of a communtion or not. Stuz, it might help to contact a local Catholic church/priest yourself with a letter detailing your religious history. That might get you some sympathy...

StuzGirl,

Prepare for more aggravation later, when the RC priest refuses to baptize your children because you're not registered and don't attend Mass in his parish.  That's the deal with the Catholic Church, it's a total package.

By contrast, the Church of Scotland is sort of a quasi-public institution, serving people who never show up in a church except to marry or be buried.

Jim

It is a difficult one.  I don't know all the rules about belonging to the parish, but I do know that a C of S minister has to marry anyone who asks.  Marrying outside a church is a very new thing in Scotland and the place has to be registered. 

Do watch yourself though.  Three years on after a CofS wedding and am now having to explain to my husband why we have to do it all over again (convalidation).   The Catholic church will not allow any sacrements until the marriage is approved by the catholic church.  If I had known that at the time I probably would have done things very differently.

I don't know anything about this, though dh is a non-practicing Catholic, but could your family priest call or write to the priest in Scotland and ask him to do it on his behalf or something?

We married under the CofE with a Roman High Mass by a Vicar (our uncle).  Basically it was the Roman Catholic Service almost to a T with communion and everything.  Granted it's not Catholic, but it was close enough for me and I am sure for God.  Our children will be baptised in the CofE if the Catholics give me any problems.  Like I said... I doubt God will mind.     

First of all, don't go bashing hell out the Catholic Church because things just don't go YOUR way.  Sorry, but there are very good and valid reasons why the Church does things the way it does.  Instead of freaking out about it, do your homework.  Find out why things are done this way.  Call the local Diocese or equivelant, and speak to someone there.  Actually GO to the Church and speak with the priest and try to understand his concerns.  If needed, write the local Bishop.  They are not untouchable royalty, they are there to serve. 

Marriage is a Holy Sacrament.  The Church has issues with people wanting pretty little wedings in pretty little places for a photo op.  I am NOT saying this is your motive - not for one second.  But you have to understand that they are protecting the sacrament through establishing guidelines.  Work with your local priest and get him in touch with the priest in Scotland.  See if they can't find a solution for you. 

The Church WANTS good Catholic families and strong Catholic marriages.  They are not trying to keep you from being married or keep you away from the Church.  They are only ensuring every thing is done for the best interest of all involved - the couple and the Church.

Hang in there.  I don't mean to sound like a b**ch.      I'm going through planning a wedding myself right now, and I'm having my own headaches!!  So I know how stressful this can be, especially when your DF is on the other side of the world.

Remember these great words I found somewhere:

"Everything will be ok in the end.  If it's not ok, it's not the end." 

~Liza 

Can you get married in say, a CofE or CofS ceremony and then have your marriage 'blessed' by your local priest stateside later? 

Can you get married in say, a CofE or CofS ceremony and then have your marriage 'blessed' by your local priest stateside later? 

This is what we did.  I didn't realise all the complications at the time, but now know that you can not have a Catholic marriage 'blessed.'  The marriage has to be convalidated, which means that in the eyes of the church you are not married until you have a proper ceremony conducted by a Catholic priest in a Catholic church.  This doesn't mean they don't recognize CofE or CofS ceremonies, but if you are a practicing Catholic and want to continue to take the sacraments now or in the future, you have to have a Catholic ceremony.

This is what we did.  I didn't realise all the complications at the time, but now know that you can not have a Catholic marriage 'blessed.'  The marriage has to be convalidated, which means that in the eyes of the church you are not married until you have a proper ceremony conducted by a Catholic priest in a Catholic church.  This doesn't mean they don't recognize CofE or CofS ceremonies, but if you are a practicing Catholic and want to continue to take the sacraments now or in the future, you have to have a Catholic ceremony.

Thanks for clarifying, glasgow-girl!  I'm practicing, but I don't take the sacrements b/c I am divorced - from a man who never wanted kids, but I have no desire to contact him again and don't know where he is - and was married by the Registar.

Thanks for clarifying, glasgow-girl!  I'm practicing, but I don't take the sacrements b/c I am divorced - from a man who never wanted kids, but I have no desire to contact him again and don't know where he is - and was married by the Registar.

expat!  Don't assume you can't receive the Sacraments!!  You need to speak to your priest about your situation.  Just because you are divorced does not automatically mean you can not receive.  Now, I don't want to know your personal stuff and I'm not asking, but if you are not currently in a sexual relationship you should be able to go to confession and then receive Holy Communion.  Don't stay away from the sacraments unless you know for sure.  You do not have to contact your ex to go through the annulment process either - mine was not even involved in mine and it went through without him and I was granted a decarlation of nulity.  Before you line up for Communion though, check with your priest and see if you are ready to come back to a full life in the Church.  It breaks my heart to hear of someone staying away on an assmption when they may not have to.

If you are interested in a wonderful book that may answer many questions for you on this topic just PM me and I'll give you the title.

Sorry about the thread-jacking! 

~Liza