My Mom is very upset I'm moving to England

I'll be moving to England next week with my husband and my mother is very upset and cries a lot now. I really feel awful and don't know what to do. She says that my moving is tearing her apart.  I've really tried to reassure her that everything will be fine, but not much seems to help.  Have any of you out there experienced this.  If so, how did you handle it?

My mom's always been very stoic about the whole thing and has never let on that she's really upset, but I know she wishes I wasn't gone.... My mom's always been the "do what you really and truly want to do and I'll support you no matter what I think" type. But knowing that she misses me very much makes me sad and I do all I can to minimize the distance. What's helped:

- Sending little things - cards, trinkets, etc. via post

- Having a minimum of one phone call a week BUT making sure to occaisionally phone to ask her questions that show I still need her (e.g. I just phoned not long ago while I was baking to ask her how much a cube of butter weighed 'cause I was converting a recipe - that sort of stuff makes her feel needed AND makes it seem like I'm still close by 'cause I can just call at the drop of a hat for little things.)

- Sending lots of pictures illustrating that I'm happy and being looked after by dh.

- Encouraging her to send packages here (I know that sounds weird, but I know she actually enjoys packing up issues of People, cooking mags, etc. and going to the post office to send them - she's a regular at the counter - knows just how much weight she's allowed in an envelope, weighs it on the kitchen scale, etc.) I think it's a way she can still feel like she's looking after me to an extent....

Anyway, that's been my method and even though she misses me, I know it takes the sting out of it and now she even says "it's amazing how small the world actually is" - it's taken a while but I think she's truly OK with it now.... Good luck, trudif!!!

I agree with Anne.  Although I haven't been here very long I miss my mom so much, but just talking to her or e-mailing her helps a lot.  Plus I know she is coming in the beginning of October so I am very excited. 

I keep reminding my mom that I'm only 2 more hours away.  I showed her the flight routes from Edinburgh and London to Tampa.  Keep reassuring her that you will keep in touch.  The UK has plenty of cheap long distance options.  And if you can do this before you leave,plan a visit back with her.

My mom isn't thrilled that 2 of her kids are in the UK, but I call often, just like I did when I lived in Boston.  The possibility of missing you is upsetting her (I'll never see or hear from you again ever!).  The reality won't be as bad as she imagines, I hope.

Thanks for all you kind responses. I'll follow your advise!

My mom tried to pull this Catholic guilt-trip act on me too. I told her to let go and get over it. She finally did and now she's excited about visiting us in London. Tough love but it worked!

this is scarily familiar.

my mom was having panic attacks, vertigo spells.  she was a wreck.

i've been here a year and she still cries all the time, but it's not the 'come home now' that it used to be-just the fact that she misses me and we used to do everything together before i was married.

we speak about once a week-i can't get her onto bloody email

i send her cards sometimes.

she's amazing and perfect and fun...but she's a freaking mess when it comes to be being here.  it will never change-we're just too close.  but she's dealing cause i asked her to deal.  she doesn't freak out to me on the phone anymore.  no more panic attacks.  no more vertigo (except last time i was home and it was the day before i was leaving) 

it will get bearable for her-it may suck and she may not like it...but she's gotta accept that you're an adult,

My mom has lost it too. Recently she's made me want to stay here more than ever though. 

My mom has lost it too. Recently she's made me want to stay here more than ever though.

I can say the same for me, but I'm not quite there (in the UK) yet. She claims it's so awful b/c she can't get to me if I need her, but she can't where I am now anyway! She says it's been so long if I haven't seen her for a month! She even said it for a visit that had only been 2 weeks since I'd seen her. Unfortunately, I think my mom has failed to really keep up with who I really am after I left home for college and she treats me the same as I was then - and I'm not the same person.

Unfortunately, I think my mom has failed to really keep up with who I really am after I left home for college and she treats me the same as I was then - and I'm not the same person.

Same here. That's exactly the problem I'm having right now with my mom.

I was going to start a thread exactly like this.  Its comforting to know that I am not alone. Everyone I know except my Mother and Father think its wonderful and exciting for us to move to London, but my parents seem to think I am making the biggest mistake of my life. It has really made me start to second guess our decision. I'm already a worrier as it is.....but I think I'm just going to follow my heart.

My parents think I'm stupid for leaving the US for the UK, but I think part of it is due to their ignorance about the UK.  For some reason they think it is years behind the US.

I couldn't agree more. I'm moving to Leeds and the "suspects" from the London bombing have been supposedly found there. Leeds is rather large - I won't be living in their neighborhood, but my parents are so worried. I currently live right outside of Wash, DC, i take the metro every single day - which is more dangerous? DUH! I've told them this.

Digi - I have had to educate and re-educate my whole family on the UK. I showed them this site, I have told them all about the differences and assured them I will be doing the right thing by moving there.

My friends are all happy for me, but my family is less so. I put my faith in my brit bf, our relationship, my ability to adjust and adapt and the fact that this feels right.

Sunnyflower - don't let them change your mind. Remember, some ppl just can't imagine taking this leap, while others have always wanted to and never had the guts. We have the guts and if something goes wrong - this site and your family will be there for you in the end no matter what.

My parents think I'm stupid for leaving the US for the UK, but I think part of it is due to their ignorance about the UK.  For some reason they think it is years behind the US.

Have they dished out that old chestnut about 'losing the freedoms we enjoy in the US' yet?! 

My mom had a harder time than she wanted to let on.  I was only 5 minutes away from them and then I moved 6,000 miles away.  They came to visit in March and while that helped a bit, she cried when they left because she felt like I was settled in far away from her.  She's gotten much better though.  Emailing and phone calls help a lot.  Sending pictures, cards, ringing her at work like I used to.. I'm sure she's nervous about sending me back to London next week because she asked me to make a list of my friends and their phone numbers in case something happened and she couldn't get in touch.