stereotype : the fat american

\- her stomach was hanging out of her shirt and the sleeves on her top were too short and too tight.  The two ladies sitting next to me (apparently strangers, one in her 30s and one in her 60s) looked at each other as she passed and made gagging faces

Though obviously it's none of my business what people do or eat........I just can't help feeling the way I do..... 

Lola, it probably has more to do with the fact that dieting is such a high priority with you and you are probably nonstop thinking about it..  I bet once you get to your dream weight and are comfortable with it and used to that being the "real you" - you'll stop watching other people. I just came back from Sainsbury's where I saw this enormous woman sat at the end of the checkout, waiting for her husband. She was just shovelling a cream cake into her gob with cream all over her face. It was rather disgusting but I just felt a pang of remorse for her... I get cross when I see the starving children in Niger and then cut to someone who obviously is having too much. Life is very cruel.

My girlfriend at work is guilty of the crime you described in the above. Honestly, I don't understand - is it a British thing? I don't remember seeing so many exposed stomachs hanging out of tops in the US. OR perhaps that wasn't the fashion when I was still living there. My mate is only 5" and probably close to 12 stone which is a lot of her frame and she wears these spaghetti strap crop tops which makes her arms look like sides of beef and her stomach....I couldn't say a word, of course, but I do wonder, my goodness girlfriend, can't you see in a mirror? Funnily enough, I set her up on a blind date and I was so shocked to see her walk out in an above referenced spaghetti strap tshirt and gypsy skirt.  The look on my boyfriend's face was priceless as he is very anti-spaghetti tops himself.  Her date on the other hand, was fine with it and they are now together as a couple.   (That eyeroll is for the boyfriend, who I have come to find out is a bit of a slut but that's another story...)

Lola, it probably has more to do with the fact that dieting is such a high priority with you and you are probably nonstop thinking about it..  I bet once you get to your dream weight and are comfortable with it and used to that being the "real you" - you'll stop watching other people.

I dunno....I mean, I've always "watched" fat people.  Now it's more in a "Stop the insanity!" kinda way whereas before it was more of a "I know I'm fat, but I'm not that fat.  Am I?" kinda way.  I've been dealing with weight issues all my life, so I doubt I'll ever stop thinking about it. 

My girlfriend at work is guilty of the crime you described in the above. Honestly, I don't understand - is it a British thing? I don't remember seeing so many exposed stomachs hanging out of tops in the US. OR perhaps that wasn't the fashion when I was still living there. My mate is only 5" and probably close to 12 stone which is a lot of her frame and she wears these spaghetti strap crop tops which makes her arms look like sides of beef and her stomach....I couldn't say a word, of course, but I do wonder, my goodness girlfriend, can't you see in a mirror? Funnily enough, I set her up on a blind date and I was so shocked to see her walk out in an above referenced spaghetti strap tshirt and gypsy skirt.  The look on my boyfriend's face was priceless as he is very anti-spaghetti tops himself.  Her date on the other hand, was fine with it and they are now together as a couple.   (That eyeroll is for the boyfriend, who I have come to find out is a bit of a slut but that's another story...)

I think European women, in general, are more comfortable with their bodies.  There's also less pressure (though it's still there!) to be a size 2.  I think most American women want to cover up the parts of their bodies that they're uncomfortable with...I think we're just beaten down a bit more to be extra self-conscious of our shape/weight/size.  There's also that school of thought that subscribes to the "Hey, they make it in my size (albeit a 52!), so it must look alright on me!" line of thinking! 

My girlfriend at work is guilty of the crime you described in the above. Honestly, I don't understand - is it a British thing? I don't remember seeing so many exposed stomachs hanging out of tops in the US.

It must be. Maybe people are less ashamed of flaunting their not-so-perfect bodies as long as it means being in fashion? I see it all the time, very overweight girls in tiny tops and tight bottoms with their stomachs bulging out, while their skinny friends who are walking beside them sport the same type of outfits. It looks very strange, but it probably has alot to do with fitting in and the clothes you wear.

I think European women, in general, are more comfortable with their bodies.  There's also less pressure (though it's still there!) to be a size 2. 

Except in France, where the men practically expect their women to be sticks. 

Oh believe me it's not just a British thing, everywhere you look you see the girls in the tiny shirts, belly hanging out and the way toooo tight low rise pants with stuff squishing out the sides. It's very common here in the states as well. I always wonder how people can let their friends go out of the house like that, but then again I suppose it's not an easy thing to bring up to someone.....

I do feel sorry for teenage girls who are so big and must want to desperately wear the fashions that their skinny peers are wearing. I am thankful for school uniforms for that alone. Its' only on normal clothes days that happen about 3x a year that they get to wear what they like. And then you see the flesh!

I am like you, Lola. Weight became an issue for me when my dad sent me to Iowa for the summer and my sister and I gained about 10 lbs. I was only 7 but it's been with me ever since. My dad actually has an audio tape of me at age 10 talking about dieting. It will ALWAYS be an issue with me - even now, when i'm not overweight. I have a girlfriend who is definitely anorexic (she wears clothes from the teenage sections although she looks more like a boy these days...) but she is always giving ME a hard time about my obsession with running, which is only my way of fighting the fat and still being able to eat interesting things. I don't talk back though because, well, she's got her own problems to contend with. Me pointing out her eating issues isn't going to make things better.

Oh i'm blathering here!!! Can you tell it's my first day off school? I suppose it's better than beating the kids

Oh believe me it's not just a British thing, everywhere you look you see the girls in the tiny shirts, belly hanging out and the way toooo tight low rise pants with stuff squishing out the sides. It's very common here in the states as well. I always wonder how people can let their friends go out of the house like that, but then again I suppose it's not an easy thing to bring up to someone.....

I remember seeing, like, maybe size 12-16 girls wearing clothes that were questionable in the US, but we're talking about BIG girls over here.  The girl from the bus stop must've been a size 30 or so.    They're allowed to wear what they want, of course, but I'm always intrigued as to where they buy the stuff.  I mean, the fat lady stores don't generally carry hot pink tube tops and plastic miniskirts in a size 32, so where are people getting them?!  

I do feel sorry for teenage girls who are so big and must want to desperately wear the fashions that their skinny peers are wearing.

Oh yeah, I can totally understand that.  I hated wearing boring clothes when my friends were wearing whatever was really trendy.    But I censored myself -- I knew better than to go buy that kind of stuff because A) it would've looked horrible on me and B) they didn't make it in my size anyway.  I really do suspect that there are lots of size 20 girls walking around in size 12 clothes over here!

Well you would be amazed what size things come in, when shopping ebay for skirts I ran into tons of very very short mini skirts up to size 3x. I have no problem with people wearing what they like if they are comfortable in it and can pull it off more power to them. I am not huge by any means but am very body conscious, always have been I think it comes from being heavier when I was younger? When I go to the pool and see very large women in swim suits having a great time, I don't think about how big they are, but instead I am jealous that they are so confident at least on outward appearances anyways. I am very critical of myself, even if someone next to me is twice my size!

I remember my first trip to Greece where I saw these British mothers - large british ladies, covered in tattoos, wearing nothing but bikini bottoms and fags hanging and these massive breasts hanging down their stomach.  I just couldnt get over that! (Or were they German??? Might have been. )

It made me emboldened enough to go topless.... And then I saw this gorgeous Greek local teenager in nothing but a black bikini bottom with beautifully bronzed  skin. I'd never seen anything so perfect in my life.... THe top went back on then and has stayed!

Oh, dont even start on swimsuits! I have never once seen a woman here wear a one piece swim suit. I mean Im sure they do but I havent ever seen it. When I was preg with Coby I used to go to the swimming baths in my big black maternity swimsuit and just wade around to relieve the pressure from my spine. I couldnt believe what some of these women were wearing! Talk about size 30 in a size 12! And a bikini to boot! Awful!!!!

Well you would be amazed what size things come in, when shopping ebay for skirts I ran into tons of very very short mini skirts up to size 3x. I have no problem with people wearing what they like if they are comfortable in it and can pull it off more power to them. I am not huge by any means but am very body conscious, always have been I think it comes from being heavier when I was younger? When I go to the pool and see very large women in swim suits having a great time, I don't think about how big they are, but instead I am jealous that they are so confident at least on outward appearances anyways. I am very critical of myself, even if someone next to me is twice my size!

Thats how I am too, I can't stand women that pretend to give a damn when secretly they're thinking "ooh you shouldn't be wearing that love"  or "ooh thank god they are bigger than me", it's such a cheap way to get a
self esteem boost, particularly when they have been fat/overweight themselves. It's not until women stop doing this to each other that some women might feel better about themselves.

As for wanting to spread the word to other fat people, I understand where that comes from (especially with young girls) but I doubt they'd appreciate it and you always run the risk of coming across someone who has a problem that Atkins or South Beach might not fix. It's a bit like an evangelical ex-smoker going on and on, these things are deeply personal from one woman to another and that kind of approach might make them feel far worse.  I know that if someone ever said something like that to me, I would just question their ignorance and rudeness in approaching something so personal that any message in it would be completely lost.

I know some women do look truly awful, but hey, live and let live, they're not really hurting anyone and just because I would not choose to dress like that doesn't mean they shouldn't, too many other important things to worry about in the grand scheme of things.

I just want to make it clear that I never would go up to someone and talk to them about their weight.  Never.  I just want to. 

Hey I've only just seen this thread.  Nice to know that I am not the only person fixated on weight.  I'm small on top (about a size 10/12) with big hips and legs (a size 14/16).  I diet and exercise like a freak and the stomach is flat but the hips just get worse.   I call this my deformity     My gosh I would never ever where a bikini or spaghetti straps or GOD FORBID a mini skirt.  Shet I haven't worn shorts since I was a kid!  I would be so afraid of grossing out other people who had to look at me!!  But live and let live to those who dress that way when they are a size 30.  Just please don't make me look.   

I just want to make it clear that I never would go up to someone and talk to them about their weight.  Never.  I just want to. 

LOL! I know you wouldn't, but I know there are loads of women who do feel it's okay to comment and I wonder how they would feel if the person fought back about their hairy upper lip or wart or some other personal feature, because that's what I would do!

In my experience people usually only do things like that to feel superior over someone, whereas you are being genuine in wanting to help someone, I just don't think it would come across that way.