Importance of an expat community

So Mindy, you are the leader of this thread? Cool.

Tell us of your expat experiences in an interesting, well rounded and intelligent way.

I need some entertainment.

Mindy's the moderator of this board.

Mindy's the moderator of this board.

Yeah, I just got that, Britwife.

Best I pull out of this harbor. A true expat would never be so confrontational.

grins,
SeaG

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

I met a hula mistress somewhere in Waikiki,
Well, she was selling pineapple, playing ukulele,
And when I went to the girl, "Come on and teach me to sway,"
She laughed and whispered to me, "Yes, come tonight to the bay."

The lovely beach, in the sky the moon of Kauai,
Around calypso sarong we'll all be singing this song.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

And down on the shore they gather romance,
She showed me much more, not only to dance.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

The lovely beach, in the sky the moon of Kauai,
Around calypso sarong we'll all be singing this song.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.


a tribute to DUC

I have to admit that it is threads like this one that have been such a welcome distraction during the hours of 9-5.  I am positive I would get sacked if my company ever looked into how much time I spend on this site.  I may not post a lot, but I find the topics entertaining, helpful and thought provoking. 

I personally have found this site extremely important in adjusting to life over here.  My BF's father found it for me, when I had a question about whether I could drive in the UK,  and 4 months later I check multiple times during the day.  I find the visa information and stories helpful.  I have already researched the best way for my BF and I to proceed in the future.  I like the bits about how and where to find American products.  I also like it when I can actually help out a fellow poster with a question.  As a planner/worrier by nature this site has been invaluable to me.

In addition to this website, I do have a few American friends in London.  I really enjoy that I have friends I can turn to when my boyfriend is being too English and I know that they will understand what I mean.

Gee, I looked back at my post to see what I had said that seemed to go down miserably with so many of you. I see that I started out with neutral comments about some things I think are important for a person in a new land and went on to some very possitive things about this site. I hope you did notice that I commented that if you had some kind of crisis before you got your local people network set up that this group would be here for you. Only a few sentences at the end were negative comments, really nothing you all didn't know about me and my thoughts already.
    I certainly didn't mean to be condescending. If you understand my coffeeshop analogy, it means I'm sticking around, listening and exploring, and using the opportunities that come up to comment whenI'm interested and I have something to say on the topics. Maybe the coffeeshop doesn't have a large proportion of the teas I like, (the menu of possible discussions isn't as wide as I'd like), but it has enough positive points that I've decided to keep coming in and wait for my little community to possibly form because I think I might eventually find one here.
     I definitely pull less punches than most women do in the phrasing of what I say, always trying to avoid provoking any negative responses or attention, avoiding sticking out. But I grew up in an era where we professional women had to put considerable effort into developing assertive speaking habits, had to work hard to avoid being "invisible" in the sense of the book "Invisible Man" which was about being black. It was certainly necessary for me if I didn't want to get ignored and thought of as not having the courage of my convictions in a scientific discussion. Once I mastered it, I find I like it in myself. That's more what I meant about party conversations. I like forthrightness in others as well as myself and find opinions expressed in ways guaranteed not to offend, especially on the subjects I find most interest in, wimpy (I'd like to use another word but can't think of the right one just now.)
     Here, that's a part of my retreat, since most Brits pull more punches than New Yorkers. Here's a place where I let out those features of my own personality that I sense might not go over well "out there". I'm going to continue being myself here. I hope you will all do the same.

I think i've used this site in many ways.

I first found it when i was dating my husband and was looking for a way to 'be with my boyfriend' (like so many 1-5 time posters come on here and ask).  Over time this forum helped me in getting my spose visa, calming my nerves.  In the process i've made some great friends, people i chat to on here every day, and see here and there.

Why i like it here, it's a break from work.  A break from the stresses of being new in another country.  A way to say 'help', a hand holding, a reality check, a scolding mother.

This site is so many things, it's what you make of it.  Use it, use us..... 

I found this site a couple of times, asked some questions, and quickly forgot my password.     I didn't really come here to "stay" until I was already married and had been living in the UK for maybe 3-4 months.  I came here mostly for the support network -- I wasn't working at the time, so I wasn't meeting many people, and I was terribly homesick (still am, sometimes) and just needed to "talk" to other Americans. 

Now, I'm here because I like to give advice where I can because I remember how stressed and worried I was about the visa process.  More importantly, I'm here because I like the people.  I've had a hard time making any real female friends over here, and there's a group of women on this site who are a tremendous help to me -- they give excellent, balanced, and well-informed advice (on all sorts of subjects -- not just what type of tights to buy!), provide me with a support network that I can't get anywhere else at the moment, and are always good for a laugh.    

DJCNYC,

I don't know many waitresses at coffee shops who would give you - pretty much a stranger - the support you've been given here when you really needed it.  So if you want to liken this place to something so casual, fine.

Along with not allowing being an American to define me, I don't let being a woman define me.  They are both accidents of birth.  

I like a deep discussion as much as anyone.  And I will defend my views when I feel necessary.  However - I also know the difference between being blunt and honest, and being insensitive and condescending.  There is a SERIOUS difference between phrasing something so it is "guaranteed not to offend" and hitting someone over the head with YOUR opinion in such a way that you leave very little room for THEIR opinion.  That's not debate or discussion - or even party talk.  That's proselytising, in my book.

Taking other people's feelings into account when expressing your opinion is NOT wimpy.  It's compassionate.  It's caring.  It's acknowledging that they have a worth as great as your own and that their feelings matter as much as your own.  It's seeing them as equals.

Aimiloo is much more generous than I am.  I don't like being used, quite frankly.  And if you're here just to see what you can GET out of it, rather than what you may also be able to give...well, then you'll have to just decide whether it's worth it when you need support again.  You reap what you sow.


 

DJCNYC,

Aimiloo is much more generous than I am.  I don't like being used, quite frankly.  And if you're here just to see what you can GET out of it, rather than what you may also be able to give...well, then you'll have to just decide whether it's worth it when you need support again.  You reap what you sow.


 

Opp opp, just to point out i wasn't speaking to her in that regard, i was speaking to the original post.  More of a general, 'use our experiences and knowledge to help you'  (but also contribute!!!)

Sorry, should have worded that a *bit* better. 

Sorry, Aimiloo.  You know how I get sometimes... 

Just as an aside, the person who was most supportive of me here when I had a problem was MsTanya, who has since left because her bluntness yielded the same types of reactions. I miss her here, but we've kept in contact. I want to be here for the next person like me. Maybe we'll carve out our own little cave here. OK?

DJC

AIN'T I A WOMAN?

by Sojourner Truth


Delivered 1851 at the Women's Convention in Akron, Ohio


Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?
That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?

Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?

Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.

If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.

Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say.




 

And you'll note that she certainly didn't take care to phrase what she said in a way that wouldn't offend anybody.

I'd say that what she was *fighting* for was probably a lot more important in the scheme of things than any pseudo-intellectual discussion one is likely to have at a cocktail party.

Thank you for posting that speech by Sojourner Truth Expat.  That was really interesting.