Integration thread - try again?

Might it be an idea to start this thread again? Poor trylo didn't really get his question answered (well, in a way he did) as it all became a bit sidetracked.

Or is it it better to let sleeping dogs lie, leave the can of worms unopened etc... you choose... *S*

Hi fifi, and welcome to the boards.  I think that the most important thing when integrating into a different society is time, but more importantly attitude. I think it's essential to recognize that you've moved to a new and different society and culture.  I know that sounds simplisitic-but until you say to yourself.  This is not America, I can't get products and food from America (without going to alot of effort), the buildings and every thing in them is different,  the government and infrastructure is different,  the culture is different, people have different culture and expectations and most importanty-a different way of speaking and listening.  YOU have got to make the changes.  YOU have got to learn how things work.  And you have got to change.  Being over the top and being direct are going to be problems that you're going to have to deal with.  Having a different sense of humour and being able to take a joke and not take everything directly to heart are going to be things you have to get used to.  Having a different idea of what's polite is something you have to get into your head.  
It can definately be done, but it's up to you to make the effort.  And I'm not just saying that, it is a huge effort.  I know, I've done it.  I wasn't easy, but the thing is, you've made this decision, this is something that you decided to do and it's up to you to make the best of it.  Stop thinking of it as copiing and start thinking of it as living.

moderators note:  any off topic responses will be removed.  This is not a discussion of how much we hate/love living in the UK.

I spent some years as a military spouse and so integrating was simply a must.  Of course, things WERE made a little easier on us in that we had the commissary and PX and some of our usual American products about and plenty of other American folks (if you were living overseas), but you don't live in a bubble.  There's still a certain amount of acclimating that had to be done, even if you were simply just living in a different region of the US.  On the whole I'm really thankful for that experience as it was helpful to me in moving to the UK and integrating in with a new place.  I feel that my acclimation to my surroundings has been fairly easy as compared to some who have gone through some severe bouts of homesickness.  

I also think that to inegrate into a new society, way of living, etc etc - you have to *want* to. You can't integrate into English life very eaily if you resent being here, hate being here, or think you'll only be here for a short time. I didn't feel fully welcome and integrated until, in my mind, I knew I was here for the long-haul. ANd even if that changes, at it's that way in my head, and it's allowed me to relax and feel more at home here, to be open to change, to allow myself to become integrated basically.

I've had the fortune of moving here twice.

The first time I was miserable!!  I was so unhappy... but I wasn't working and I didn't make a single friend.  So I sat at home all day, then my sweetie would come home but we'd just stay at home at night, since we couldn't afford to go out.  It was terrible and I hated the experience.  (HOWEVER, I understood that it had everything to do with me not having a joband, as Marlespo said, I knew it was just a temporary thing.)

Fast forward...

I've now moved back to England and so far everything is going really well!  I'm really enjoying myself.  I just make a conscience desion that when I wake up in the morning I can approach the day one of two ways... well I choose to look at everything positively.  I'm thankful to be living here, I'm blessed to be married to my best friend, I have a nice life and I'm happy.

Next month I'm going to start taking T'ai Chi lessons and my husband and I are taking French.  Hopefully I'll make some friends in these classes!

Just relax and enjoy yourself!  

Time, patience, liberal doses of chocolate and cocktails.



Having someone to shout at (who won't get upset) when you really REALLY cannot stand it.  Having others who understand that you are trying.  It can get frustrating being the one adapting to everything being different.  Especially when you're trying hard and nobody gives you credit for that, they just don't understand that it isn't automatic and it isn't easy.  (unless you're just really lucky lol)  

Finding things that you *do* like, and reasons that you're glad you're here, this helps.  Finding little things (like some jif or onion rings or whatever) that remind you of home...and you get stupidly happy for finding it (hello, cornbread in Harrods lol), that's pretty darn cool.  One of the things I like is how much England has made me appreciate America.

Lots of cuddles from the person you moved here for.  That helps loads!

wench

I agree with the others who've posted that attitude is everything.

I have found that with time I have been able to take more control of my life here and have changed my perspective from "victim."  After all- no one forced me on that plane two years ago- I had to come to terms with that and accept that I made the decision to come here and I also had to take action and hard work to make the best of each challenge my family has faced(from our flat needing total electrical re-wiring our first month here to my purse being stolen as well within that first month!)

One bit of advice I would give- dont underestimate the difficulties of relocating- emotionally it is draining!!  Culture shock is very stressful to the system.  Have things in place - coping measures- support systems- for the inevitable "downs" that come after the initial excitment of the move wears off.

I was so excited about this opportunity that I naively never considered I would get over here and feel lonely and isolated!

Of course that does sound awfully silly- being lonely in a city of over 8 million!!!

mary

I totally agree with everyone else above...it's 99% attitude and patience.  The other 1% for me was having the memories of the time I spent wishing so hard to come here.  I keep old emails and photos and my husband and I sometimes talk about how hard it was being apart.  It helps me remember how much I wanted this, and how bad the alternative was.  At the time, I would have given my right arm to just be able to get on the plane to come here and never have to say goodbye at another airport with an unknown quantity of time apart looming in front of us.  Remembering that has kept me hanging on at times when no amount of starbucks or peanut butter would.  

The other 1% for me was having the memories of the time I spent wishing so hard to come here.  I keep old emails and photos and my husband and I sometimes talk about how hard it was being apart.  It helps me remember how much I wanted this, and how bad the alternative was.  At the time, I would have given my right arm to just be able to get on the plane to come here and never have to say goodbye at another airport with an unknown quantity of time apart looming in front of us.  Remembering that has kept me hanging on at times when no amount of starbucks or peanut butter would.  

AMEN TO THAT!

elle, interesting you bring up about the military. We've got a job coming up in Germany on a military base and I was downloading the "welcome pack" they had online to help me get acquainted with the area. One of the things they had in large all caps...being stressed over and above anything else was: "DO NOT PERPETUATE THE UGLY AMERICAN MYTH." Me being an Army brat, the words looked familiar in that this was what I grew up with, that same phrase. I was taught that we, as Americans living in foreign countries, are US ambassadors. That never left me, and gave me the impetus to fit into Britsh life all that more quickly.

"DO NOT PERPETUATE THE UGLY AMERICAN MYTH."  ...  I was taught that we, as Americans living in foreign countries, are US ambassadors.

I absolutely agree!!  I try to be the antithesis of the fat, loud, brash American.  So I'm the fat, quiet, EXCEPTIONALLY polite American. I’m making a special point to try and debunk this myth.  I enjoy being a mini-ambassador.

I've got to agree.  I was a Rotary Exchange Student and we had that drilled into our heads.  Maybe that's why I never ran into any problems really.  I had good training.  

Remembering that has kept me hanging on at times when no amount of starbucks or peanut butter would.  

I had to laugh when I saw Wishstar's reference to peanut butter!!  I've been going through it like a maniac and couldn't figure out why I was craving it so badly.  I think I get it now...definite comfort food and a feeling of home!