Hating it Here!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello, my name is Danielle and I am 21 years old.  I live in Bristol and I am 30 weeks pregnant.  I am really hating being in this country and dreading having to have my baby here.  I am engaged to a Scottish man and I don't want to leave him but more and more I consider going home.  I find that the people here really hate Americans.  As soon as they here my accent they no longer want anything to do with me.  I hate my midwife.  They all seem to be so judgemental.  I would rather be in America where I know I would have a positive birthing experience.  The medical care I have recieved here is not as good.  Does anyone share any of my odd thoughts?  If not sorry to offend anyone.

  I find that the people here really hate Americans. 

 They don't really, IMHO it's more to do with recent American foreign policy than you personally as an American. Moving here and living is an adjustment for all of us at some point, there's some wonderful people on this forum and if ya stick around they'll try and help ya through that adjustment........Good Luck, you'll be OK........

I hope you got your visa situation figured out.  Being here legally and working might make you feel better about life in general, meeting people, etc.

As far as people hating Americans, I haven't found that to be the case.  Why do you think your medical care has been poor?

Hi Danielle.  I'm sorry things aren't going right for you.  Pregnancy is hard enough without being in a foriegn country.  I doubt though, that it'd be that much easier or better if you moved back at 30 weeks.  What exactly is wrong with the care you're getting?  Maybe we can give you some ideas and suggestions. 

I wouldn't say that people hate Americans but I do know it can be difficult fitting in and can seem like that at times.

Sending good thoughts your way. 

Being pregnant in a foreign country is not an easy thing to be. Especially if you are in a new relationship as well. You're getting used to the new man, the new country, going through homesickness and culture shock, and on top of all that you are also experiencing the roller coaster of pregnancy. It's a lot to take on board!

It might help if you can find other American mommies in your area that you can talk with, and can maybe help you in finding a new midwife or support that you can get on with better.

In the meantime, give yourself some credit, you are handling a lot of change all at once, whatever you ultimately decide to do.

Stella Marie's right.  It is hard and it is a lot to go through.  And you're not alone.  I suffered from a reactive depression after moving countries and getting pregnant-and that was not my first pregnancy.  Try to hang in there and keep coming to the forum.  Just being able to vent and ask questions might help. 

sorry you're not finding things easy here...when I was  pregnant I was much more oversensitive to all things around me...perhaps this is the case with you.
Pregnancy all though it's a life changing experience it should be a positive one...have you gotten the chance to discuss your feelings with your SO or any family that are near you?? Are you missing your family is that why you're thinking that you'll have a positive birth in the US?? Can a family member fly over when the time comes??

 Have you got an antenatal class to go to? are there any pre baby courses in your health centre...sometimes if you focus in your mind that you will have a negative birthing experience ...then you get what you wish for. There are some s*it places out there on the NHS and s*it staff too don't get me wrong and I hope that you'll be able to find something better.

you need to communicate with others so they know you how feel that way they can help you...you're gonna be a mum soon.

I do hope you get the support you need and if not you'll have us on here that you can vent to ....Good Luck!!

I agree with everyone here, it takes a while to get used to a new place. I wanted to go home for the whole first year, and I wasn't dealing with pregnancy on top of that! But now I really like it here; it's good. You'll get used to it in time, don't worry. It's a transitional period you're in right now and we all experience it.

Some people never get used to living in a different country ...I see nothing wrong with that ...as long as you give your new suroundings a chance.

There are some other expectant mums on this website perhaps you guys can do regular IM meet up sessions

When I first moved here I was 7 months pregnant, and and two months after the birth I was ready to go back home. But I decided to it another chance and stuck it out. Now I've been here 6 years and this is home to me, I can't imagine moving back. It's normal for you to feel like you do, it might pass if you give it a chance. *hugs*

As far as your GP and midwife, you might consider changing. My first GP was horrible, I changed and the difference was night and day. You can ask someone for recommendations of who might be good, a neighbor or even a store clerk you might be familiar with if no one else, and then call to see if they're accepting new patients.

Can I offer two observations.  First, Bristol seems to be a pretty tough town.  There are many places in Britain where the people are not so rough, and someday you may live somewhere better.  (Not trying to start an anti-Bristol thread, just trying to encourage Danielle.)

Second, if you have a strong accent such as New York, you may find you get a better reaction from local people if you strive for something more neutral, like how a US network newsreader sounds.  I have a very bland American accent, and nobody in the UK cringes when they hear it.

Hang in there.
Jim

Hi Danielle sorry to hear you're feeling this way.  The others have all made good points, there is not much more I wanted to say. It must be very difficult being pregnant so far away from your own family and friends.  I hope your fiance and his family are giving you the support you need.  I wasn't overly happy with the pre-natal care I had from the midwives - like you I found their attitude somewhat lacking but on the big day they couldn't have been better.  Hope you're feeling better about things soon.

Danielle!

Really and truly..big hugs to you...I speak of my own situation not to deflect from yours but to share experience and knowledge as I was in similar shoes just over a year ago, feeling dreadful, wanted my home back in the US and my mommy and didn't think I was getting properly cared for. I can remember the first 4 months, my GP didn't even want to see me because 'it was the time a lot of miscarriages happen' and they 'don't usually start antenatal care and support until after this time'...which was a load of bullocks to me then because that was when I was at my most vulnerable...all those changes happening to my body and mind....and I didn't have any outside support either...so I really can empathise....I am not going to tell you your being overly sensitive cause I hated when people told me that....I felt so patronised! Your a brave young woman who is stepping into a whole new phase of her life, in a strange place that can also be perceived to be a very 'tough' environment. Motherhood shakes us up even at our most comfortable place (home in your case to be the USA!)  so your feelings are completely honorable and understandable. However, the thing to keep in mind, is 'this too shall pass'....(IT REALLY WILL!)

And in my experience, while I found the whole pregnancy, labour etc...not the best experience for me here in London, I did find the after-care made up for that. Hopefully you will too! You should have a health visitor and midwife come to your home for most of your care post-baby...and this is a great help when your little one arrives! Plus, having a baby will be a great way to make friends. I promise you, for almost 6 years I had no friends, now I meet up with two different groups of women for the past year whom I  met at my antenatal course. I go to playgroups, baby cinema, swim classes....once baby arrives and you recover....get your self out with that buggy and I promise you--you'll meet people...many will stop on the street just to see your baby! I was a very shy person too who had the impression no one would like me because I was American but you know, those thoughts hardly enter my mind anymore...because you will have something new to define who you are ..and that is being a mommy...and no matter where you are in this world, there will always be mothers. So start your common ground there.

I wish for you the best .....a healthy and safe delivery of your little one....in the end, once you hold baby, you may find all those worries gone....(cause you'll have a whole new set now! ) ha ha ha!

Feel free to PM me!

I've only ever had children here.  I have nothing to compare it to.  And I never will, cuz after this one, I'm not having anymore  .  I'm just glad I don't have to worry about insurance and unpaid maternity leave here. 

I can sympathise -- I'm 21 too and I can imagine how hard it must be to be pregnant so far from your family in a foreign country. I'm not pregnant yet myself, but I know it must be stressful anyway if it's you're first time!

About people hating Americans -- I've actually experienced anti-Americanism myself alot more than usual, which has probably made me a little more defensive than most people on here.

I've been in a queue with a guy behind me saying shamelessly "I f*cking hate Americans" and making fun of our accents and going on and on about how stupid we are, until I finally made it clear that I was American when we reached the end of the queue and he asked where I was from. I asked if he'd ever been there, and he said "no" and sounded pretty embarassed... but still said "I still hate Americans, but I don't hate you."

Plus, the department I was in in the university I WAS studying at had two nasty English lecturers who made it absolutely clear they had major prejudices against the American students and wanted very little to do with us, despite the fact we were strengthening their international funding just by being there. They helped everyone but us, and we were always left out of plans and never knew where we were supposed to be at what time. Even the fellow students in that class seemed to be brainwashed and would never make any effort to be friendly to us. We all noticed it, and had a very unhappy year because of it. They even made completely unnecessary bashes about the US and the way we do things during class, and would never compliment any of my work despite how hard I worked... all this while I was just trying to have a positive experience at a foreign university. They actually ruined and wasted my entire year, and thanks to them I'm transferring out. So yes, I've experienced it myself and it really sucks.

Seeing all the anti-Americanism, especially in the media (I've read articles making fun of us and everything we're all about, especially about how disgustingly fat we all are) it's easy to come to the conclusion that everyone hates Americans. I've found though that the people who usually do are usually the ones who have never actually been there, and that most people here actually view us as one of them.

Thankfully I've been here long enough to realise not EVERYONE feels that way, but due to really bad circumstances for me I was starting to have doubts too. Believe it or not though, most people like us! It's the ones who don't that are the most vocal.