Hating it Here!!!!!!!!!!!

sometimes if you focus in your mind that you will have a negative birthing experience ...then you get what you wish for

I think this is true of life in general, especially when making a big move overseas.  Every little thing seems insurmountable when accompanied by a negative attitude.  I've had frustrations, as has everyone else here.  It took time for me to figure certain things out and even after a year, I get lonely.  But my attitude about things makes a huge difference in how down I get about things or if I'm able to laugh them off as just a part of the experience (ask me about my first time driving by myself.. now THAT was an adventure).  

Not trying to sound preachy or anything.. but I've found a negative attitude makes a difficult situation unbearable.  Keeping a positive attitude helps a great deal.

the anti Americanism...I'm sure it's out there not denying it but I remember not noticing pregnant women until I became pregnant myself..then I started to notice...EVERYONE WAS PREGNANT!!! (well not everyone ... ) My friend who's German still gets her anti German comments ( especially the ENG-LAND 5 nil ..comment ) I think we tend to notice things when it affect us personally...I'm a student rep and I get the same "It's because I'm black they treated me this way" and when I dig a bit deeper it's actually well the student kept coming in 3 hours late and expected to go home early...

My heart goes out to you. I found it quite difficult to be pregnant in England, but I also know that if the same circumstances had been happening in America (my living situation, my husband's job situation, etc etc) - I'd have had just as miserable a time over there. (Well, over HERE I mean, as I'm back in the US). It is hard being pregnant, and doubly so when your relationship with the father is new/developing/scary/difficult or anything like that. Hugs to you. 

Ditto what Kristi said. 

Of course, there's nothing stopping you from returning to the US and having your baby there - at an extremely high cost (as I'm assuming since you've been here since December, you no longer have insurance in the US).

There is my fiancee keeping me from going back to America to have my baby because it is his child too and I would never treat him like that because he is an awesome man and deserves to see his first child born.  And I went back home to America a few months ago and took care of my visa, so that is no longer an issue.  I do still have insurance in America because I have sickle cell anemia, which is considered a disability in America I can't be denied medical care and my parents still pay for medical insurance because of my disease.  But many of the things that have been said are very true.  I do miss my family because I am having their first grandchild and I know that they would love to share the experience with me.  I miss my sister because we are very close and I feel as I am going through something major in my life with her and it does hurt my heart.  Being pregnant does make you very sensitive and I just feel like guilty for allowing my family to there for me.  Andrew, my fiancee is great and it would kill me to lose him and we do have plans to move back home it will just take time.  My mother is suppose to come over in Oct. to be here for the birth, which I am looking forword to.  As far as my medical care, because of my disease I need special care during pregnancy and my midwife and GP don't know much about it and seem very quick to dismiss me when I tell them I am not feeling well by saying,  "Oh, that's normal"  But it's not normal to me and I need advice and help from them which I don't get.  I have called my doc in America a few times to get advice from her.


I will try the advice here and just be patient to see how it goes.  I'm openminded about everything.  And at the end of the day I am very very very excited to be a mommy!!!!!!!

Thanks for all the positive messages it's nice to know that others can understand where you are coming from. 

Maybe refer your midwife in regard to your condition to these articles:

http://www.sicklecellsociety.org/education/healthpr.htm

http://www.perinatal.nhs.uk/reviews/haemoglobinopathies/sickle.htm


maybe contact the Sickle Cell society they may refer you to support groups in your area or perhaps a midwife specialist...

I'd algain strongly suggest you try to switch midwives. I'm not sure how big your area is, so I don't know how many midwives might be available - but please give it a go. It sounds like it could do a lot for you not only physically, but emotionally as well. (hug)

Just another note - you do realize that if you're not married at the time of the child's birth, that your child does NOT have UK citizenship?

I don't care if my child is a UK citizen.  We don't plan on living here forever.  As long as I am here legally that's all that matters.  We'll get married before the 6 months is out.  But I am excited because we are having the real wedding next May in America and I can't wait.  It will be beautiful.  We are only getting married so soon to make the government happy(and so I am not illegal).

I don't care if my child is a UK citizen.  We don't plan on living here forever. 

Your child might care.  Doesn't your fiance care?

Hello, is this still  UK Yankee or have we been taken over by Judge Judy? I am sure Danielle & her fiance are capable of making their own decisions about their child's citizenship. It might not be what you would choose but then it's not your baby.  You've had your say on  the matter so let it rest now please or address it in a PM.

Thank you.

I wasn't being snippy.  I was just asking and at the time I typed that, I was doing 3 different things at once so maybe I shouldn't have been so direct.   

Pregnancy is a very hard time for some, with tons of emotional, physical and mental changes.  Hang in there, I am sure it will all work out.  I have experienced Anti-Americanism, so has my husband for wedding an American, so you are not alone.  You will find as time goes by you will adjust to your surrounding and as you do people will be more responsive, hopefully in a positive way.

Be happy, healthy and I wish you the best.....
Danielle

Dannygirl, one thing I have learned is that for some things, the NHS is fabulous, but for others you really need to get bossy and annoying to get the care you want. Yeah, the may think you're an annoying American but if you can let yourself get past that (who cares what they think?) then you mioght be able to push for the care you deserve.

well said Balmerhon!

I was reflecting on this post earlier today and thought the same thing! If I got pregnant again...I definitly would be more assertive and aggressive towards getting the care I wanted during pregnancy and labour--without caring what they thought of me. I think because your pregnant and American you have both stigmas to overcome....the "annoying" American and the overly sensitive neurotic first time mum... I couldn't agree with your advice more though! It will make you a stronger person afterwards and once baby comes...you will probabily find that your instincts lead to you be a lot more assertive when it comes to the care of you and baby so you won't care what people think in the end anyway!

Girl Power!

well said Balmerhon!

I was reflecting on this post earlier today and thought the same thing! If I got pregnant again...I definitly would be more assertive and aggressive towards getting the care I wanted during pregnancy and labour--without caring what they thought of me.

Same here!  I laboured for 24 hours w/no hydration at all whatsoever, despite having a drip in my arm when I had an epidural.  Was too dazed to speak up about it, but being that dehydrated just wrecked me for days afterwards.