What would you do?

Long story short here....

After ex and I split he moved in w/his girlfriend.  They were on again/off again/on again/etc....eventually getting married.  She was absolutely HORRIBLE to me and to the girls.  She and my ex divorced last year (thank goodness!)  Girls immediately forgot how horrible she was and went on at length about how much they missed her.   

They saw their dad for a few hours last night, and came back w/a box of stuff that she had sent to his house.  Included were a few small gifts, b-day card for younger dd, and letters to each of the girls.  Younger dd's letter was fairly innocuous.  Here's an exerpt from elder dd's....

"I was very surprised and happy to receive your letter.  I wanted to write back immediately, but since you wrote that your mom won't let you call me, I wasn't sure if she would let you get letters from me.  So I talked with your dad about it and he said I could write to you at his house......Divorce makes things really difficult.....always remember that I love you and will always be your friend - no matter what!"   (Now here's the part that I'm REALLY spitting bullets over!)  "It makes me sad to hear that you are moving to Scotland.  Even though it might be fun to start, I think it will make you sad to be so far away from your dad and other family like Grandma and Grandpa, Nana and Papa, and all your aunts, uncles, and cousins."  That was it.  No "have fun", no "what an adventure", no "good luck".

What in the h*** does she think she's playing at?   


I need to address this, but I'm not sure how.  I do not want her to have ANY contact with my girls.  She's an extremely toxic individual.  Do I write her a letter myself?  Have my attorney send her a letter instructing her to stay the h*** away from us?  Aargh!!!! 


(Maybe when he marries wife #3 and moves to California she'll stop sending things to his house....)

I say you send a letter and kill her with kindness. "Thank you so much for your concern for the girls. Moving is really a difficult thing for anyone. Adults and children alike. We try to stay focused on the positive. On that note, I will work hard to help the girls look at the positive in the relationship that they had with you, but at this stage I see no positive in that relationship continuing. Wishing you the best in any of your new endevours (sp?). Ta Ta"

Or get a restraining order preventing her from having any contact. What a cheek!

I say you send a letter and kill her with kindness. "Thank you so much for your concern for the girls. Moving is really a difficult thing for anyone. Adults and children alike. We try to stay focused on the positive. On that note, I will work hard to help the girls look at the positive in the relationship that they had with you, but at this stage I see no positive in that relationship continuing. Wishing you the best in any of your new endevours (sp?). Ta Ta"

I second.  You're the better person.  And well written, mwrk!

Thats uncalled for, obviously shes trying to "win"over your children. If I were in your situation I'd write her a letter (registered mail) and tell her to stay away from you and your kids and the reasons why you decided that. And get is notarized as well.
Since she is your exhusbands exwife,she really has no reason to be in your childrens life.

If she ignores the letter,then as britwife said, get a restraining order

Does your ex still like this woman? Why did he say she could stay in touch with the girls via him? Does she know that your ex is getting married again? It almost seems like she's got some ulterior motive - like she's trying to manipulate your daughter by pretending to be so concerned, but I can't see what on earth is in it for her to throw a wrench into things unless it's just to get to you. And if that's the case, I like the idea of the letter - don't let her wind you up!!! She's looking for you to get upset - don't give her the satisfaction....

She could be using the kids to still be part of his life hence her wanting them to get in touch via him....I agree with the letter idea directly to her telling her to b@gger off ..nicely.

She could be using the kids to still be part of his life hence her wanting them to get in touch via him....I agree with the letter idea directly to her telling her to b@gger off ..nicely.

Yep. And if that is her motive, then I'd slip something into the letter about how being happy for your ex getting married again and moving far away for a new start just like you are! 

Think I'd have my attorney deal w/her.  Once you've got the ex's notarised permission in hand, of course. 

Yep. And if that is her motive, then I'd slip something into the letter about how being happy for your ex getting married again and moving far away for a new start just like you are! 

I would do the same!!!!!!!

Think I'd have my attorney deal w/her. 

I have to agree with this...don't contact her directly - contact her through a third party. That way it's less emotional and she gets the message without all the *play nice* stuff.

If you and her never really got on - a letter to her in an overly kind way, she will see right through that and know she got to you.

If you and her never really got on - a letter to her in an overly kind way, she will see right through that and know she got to you.

I think this is a valid point.  Since you have an attorney (I'm so jealous!), use him/her to deal with her.  She has no right to speak into your children's lives.  Then, I would explain to your daughters about the "toxic-ness" of this individual, and that she has never been a person you've trusted.  Hopefully your girls will give no credence to what she says.  You might ask your ex, also, what he's playing at by saying that she could write to the girls at his place.  Let him know that you don't appreciate that and that you feel it is innappropriate, especially with all the negative things she is saying.

I don't speak to my ex anymore at all. We cant be civil so we have to go through our attnys. So thats probably what I would do in this situation. But thats just me. I have very low tolerance for BS and a very very short fuse!

Failing all that, perhaps you could encourage your DD's to tell their Dad that they want to wait until they have a "private moment" to open their cards and discreetly bring them home for you to screen instead? 

I know it's hard for kids to resist pressies/cards though...