Loneliness...

How do you deal with loneliness?

I've found that it's not easy to make close friends here. I just got back from 2 wonderful weeks in the US with my family, etc, which completely restored my happiness and confidence. Now that I'm back, although I like it here, the loneliness is creeping up on me again, especially since my DF returns to work tomorrow... and once again he has his close network of family and friends closeby to talk to again, and once again I have nobody. I feel so isolated most of the time.

Class doesn't even start until the 19th, and the thought of having to meet a classful of new British/Scottish people makes me nervous, especially since I had such bad experiences at the last uni I went to last year. Help. 

Honeybee,

#1, hold tight. If you have one good friend in life you are blessed. Know this. All the rest are a gift. :-)

How I deal with loneliness, since you asked--I either create some art, talk to other artists or I just go out of the house. You can meet your next best friend on a trip to the market.

You are surely getting really good advice here from other students. Brilliant advice.

Just my take on this: I would develop the family and friends that your DF has presented to you. In my own experience with this--my DH was the one that came into my world as a foreigner and my friends and family became his friends and family--and it was a great thing! They developed their own relationship with him. That's what family and friendship is all about. This type of sharing...

Not to be too hard, but this isn't high school anymore--where you have to prove who you are by your independent friendships. This is Uni and you are being challenged by the society at school, eh? Get your education and spit the venom they spit at you without regard. Smile. I'm sure there are plenty of folks that want to be your friend. Smile. When someone gives you a hard time? Smile.

Listen up, I studied architecture at a NYC Uni in the 70's. Believe me, I was a foreigner in my own land. I was the only female in most of my classes. I was constantly picked on. The professors were wondering why I was even there! So similar to your situation. ;-)

You *will* feel isolated at times but know that this gives you extra strength in life *after* university. Mark my words.

I can relate, for some reason it seems like the british girls here don't like me (I've been told by several guys its because they are jealous of american girls,but I dont know if thats the reason or not) So really the only "mates" I have are Dales mates and Dales sister. One of his mates, girlfriend won't even allow him to be in the same house with me,even if Dale is there   I just hope I make mates around here of my own because I'm sure Dale is getting sick of me hanging around with his mates lol

EnglandsYank,

I'm reading this thread and don't worry. Envy and jealousy is part of life. That some silly woman would act like this? hmmm...she's going over the top, isn't she? I figure Dale thinks she is silly too.

Think about this...you rock.

;-)

seagoddessK was RIGHT ON when she said "You *will* feel isolated at times but know that this gives you extra strength in life *after* university. Mark my words."

It is a challenge to live for tomorrow when you just want to get through today, however, a few years down the line you will see your evolution as a woman of the world.

have faith and keep reaching out to people!

Seagoddess is absolutey right.  You've got to be proactive.  And you've got to be brave.  Take up any invitiation. (OK, not any obviously-if some guy asks you to look at his stereo-say no).  But really, any offer of a drink, a coffee, a walk to the busstop-do it.  Talk to anyone who seems remotely friendly.  Ask them to go for a drink, coffee, study at the library.  Just wear them down with American friendliness.  Look for the other people who don't seem to have a lot of friends.  Talk to them.  Make your own circle. 
And don't sit around waiting for uni to start.  Go to the library, the Student union.  There'll be people there.  Go start a conversation. 

Ditto to all the above, plus, I always pull out my list I made before moving of the 'plusses' and 'minusses', to remind myself... and the plusses far outweigh the minuses.

And sometimes if I'm feeling really low, I'll call a friend from back home whom I know I can cry to who will just let me cry - or, if I know I want to shake it off, I'll call my mom or my ex-roommate back home whom I know will let me cry for a minute and then say they want to smack me because look at how fortunate I am, and what I'm able to do, and what I've done, etc. - helps remind me of the BIG picture!
 

Definitely do not sit around waiting for anything!  Proactive is key.  Even if it's just going for a walk, or writing in a journal.  You're doing something. 

Do you know any neighbours? One of the women on my street recently invited people around (women only - girlie night) for drinks and snacks so we could all get to know each other better. I didn't know a single one of them, but it was a nice night and now I can say hello to people I see in the street.... Maybe you could take the bull by the horns and try something like that - just inviting a couple women over for a drink and telling them to bring others.... You won't hit it off with all of them, but you might with some. And it's always nice to be able to say "hi" to people you see outside!

I tend to agree with Kristi - try to overcome that initial fear, 'cause it's not going to do you any favours and once you've taken a couple of steps toward initiating contact with people it'll suddenly not be at all scary anymore....

Seagoddess is absolutey right.  You've got to be proactive.  And you've got to be brave.  Take up any invitiation. (OK, not any obviously-if some guy asks you to look at his stereo-say no). 

Egads. Insert an 'oy vey'<--- here.

Mindy, this made me roar in laughter. In my day as a 20-something-- the young men would ask me *up* to see their artwork. Response was: "No No", and this was in the middle of the sexual revolution. lol. The hippie days. Egads. Are they now asking to come up to see the stereo? omg. Funny. What men will say to get laid. lol

Ask me how much I'm lovin' being 51. I have more men on me than imagined. ( another thread, surely )

On a more serious note--Honeybee, hold tight. Hold strong. At the end of my 20's--turning 30--I opened my first company. Girl, I figure you will too. You are in a trial by fire. However, if it is so abusive at Uni that you can't handle it? Walk out.

Most successful people walk out of Uni. I was walking out all the time....however, I knew I was an entrepreneur. That I was going to be a business consultant and that I would work in the entertainment and event production industries. That I would work in financing. That I would take what I loved the most and make it a business.

I created my world and work. Create yours, honeybee. What do you love? Where is your passion? Therein is your key to happiness and life. And yes, there may be some pain along the way.

P.S. I walked out of a sociology course at Uni and the prof gave me a B for walking out! Imagine. I got a B for walking out. I told the prof..."I know this already." ;-)

Seagoddess, you are 51?!
I'm assuming that's you in your avatar photo... you look to be between 25 - 30 in your piccy! 

All that clean living, eh!

I don't think it's true. I think it's partly that British women are a bit more private than Americans - they're perfectly friendly, they just don't expect the same sort of instant "be my friend, share my secrets" sort of deal that I think most American women expect immediately.... But I also think it's age - think about it - everyone on this board is in their late 20's and onward (with a few exceptions) and in relationships (again, with a few exceptions) - I think it becomes more difficult to make new girlfriends as you get older. Your networks are already established and your priorities are different than they were and include relationships and sometimes kids. We're all in unusual situations of losing those friend networks and so are subjected to trying to start a new one from scratch.... I think it's just as hard to do that anywhere in the world - even within the US if you're starting from scratch in a new state, for example....

Hey?  What happened to Sweetpeach's post referring to the idea of  British women being jealous of American women?

Dunno. Maybe she deleted it.

No, 'cause there was a reply to it. And then mine - makes mine sounds like I've gone loopy and started a tangent in my head.

Oh wait, I have gone loopy.

Dunno, Anne.  'Tweren't me, honest guv!

I don't think it's true. I think it's partly that British women are a bit more private than Americans - they're perfectly friendly, they just don't expect the same sort of instant "be my friend, share my secrets" sort of deal that I think most American women expect immediately.... But I also think it's age - think about it - everyone on this board is in their late 20's and onward (with a few exceptions) and in relationships (again, with a few exceptions) - I think it becomes more difficult to make new girlfriends as you get older. Your networks are already established and your priorities are different than they were and include relationships and sometimes kids. We're all in unusual situations of losing those friend networks and so are subjected to trying to start a new one from scratch.... I think it's just as hard to do that anywhere in the world - even within the US if you're starting from scratch in a new state, for example....

AnneR,

*Nod..Nod.*Is this part of adulthood?

Of note: I adored and I endured 2 years of Jungian psychoanalysis. Italiano-style. My brain is fairly cracked. I started re-writing myths. hee. My own therapists tell me now--"Holy sh*t! I would have never done Jungian psychoanalysis. Just how brave are you?  

I'm not f*cking around, although I have a very soft heart.

SO! If you want a friend? You go out there and seek it. Or just sit. It's up to you.




So yes,

SO! If you want a friend? You go out there and seek it. Or just sit. It's up to you.

True.
Whingeing does not help.