To Try Again...or not.

How long do you feel would it be wise to wait until trying to have a baby again, after having a miscarriage?

'Though, I am wondering, with the age I am, if we should just give up....   :\\\'(

I think the 'how long to wait' part would be a very individual thing -- depending on one's own grieving process and general health/wellbeing.

But goodness, looking at your profile, you're *only* 31!  If I were that young & reasonably healthy, I wouldn't consider age a factor.  If you want it and you feel up to it, go for it!

I guess a lot depends on how you feel, emotionally and physically. Have you talked to your doctor about it? 

I'd wait until I was in a job long enough to qualify for paid maternity leave, particularly if I did not have ILR and my partner/husband didn't earn enough for us to survive on. 

My husband didn't earn enough to keep us when I got pregnant but he does now.  Financial considerations can be worked around or sorted out.  Physical and emotional issues are harder and I think those are what Songmistress was seeking advice about.

Financial considerations can be worked around or sorted out. 

They can cause a LOT of emotional stress and stress in a relationship as well.  They did in our case and the pregnancy wasn't as enjoyable as it could be.  This one is going along w/o so much stress b/c our finances are better organised.  It's something that can be worked around so much more easily when you have ILR and a better safety net there as a result. 

I suffered a loss at 8 weeks and D&C at 10 weeks, but the relationship I was in broke down soon thereafter and so the occassion didn't arise to try again until I'd gotten married to DH a couple of years later.

Best of luck!

I am very sorry about your miscarriage?

How far along were you when you miscarried? Have you had any opportunity to discuss with a doctor.

I'm no doctor, but I'd think that an early miscarriage (less than 10 weeks or so) wouldn't damage your body in any way, so I don't see why it would hurt you physically to try again. You may want to do things like take prenatal vitamins and make sure your lifestyle is as healthy as possible, but, that's about it, physically.

I have a friend who miscarried at less than twelve weeks, and she was pregnant again within a couple of months.... and had a healthy baby girl nine months later. I believe that was baby #5 or #6, too.

If you have repeated miscarriages, you would definitely want to talk to a doctor and see if there's a reason why.

Other than that, though, I'd say that it comes down to what you think you can emotionally stand.  Regardless of how long you wait, though, I would think you'd still be very nervous until you get past 12 weeks (or whenever you lost your last baby.)

31 is not at ALL old. Really. You're still in prime fertility years, and will be for some time.

My OB told me that as I was in good health, I was ready to try again once I started cycles again. I know other OBs and Doctors give other advice, some wanting you to wait months - but my OB said that was really a matter of convenience, as it allows your body to regulate your cycles again, therefore making dating a next pregnancy easier.

Some women heal better trying sooner, some later, some never again. Listen to your heart.

We started trying 6 weeks after my recent miscarriage.

31 is not at ALL old. Really. You're still in prime fertility years, and will be for some time.

Oh I didn't realise you are only 31 Songmistress!! Don't worry you've got a while before you need to start woirrying and you know you can conceive, right?  I didn't even get pregnant (for the first time) til I was 36!

I agree, 31 is YOUNG!  There are plenty of us moms here in our mid-30s and up.   

Yes...you still have several fertile years, on average. I know fertility varies from person to person...but it is accepted that most women have no problems at all getting pregnant in there early to mid-30's. I was 35 when I had the twins. There was worry about genetic issues because of my age, but that was based on average statistics also and I had no testing done and nothing was "wrong."

I was a La Leche League leader for many years and many of the first time moms that came to our meetings (in the 80's-early 90's when I was a leader) were in their early 40's! I know there has been a lot in the news lately about women shouldn't be waiting until having children, but they are talking about late 30's into their 40's. As long as  you're keeping yourself healthy I wouldn't worry about your fertility just yet.

Just my own advice, not professional, but I would give yourself a bit more time before trying again. I think you said that this pregnancy was a surprise, and while embraced and a positive development, you were a bit worried about financials and not being settled in that respect yet...so if that is still the case, I would work on feeling more secure financially so that when the time comes you can really enjoy it! (and I am not saying wait until you're making lots of money...families don't need lots of money to be happy...but just until you feel secure with basic bills and needs being met etc.)

Good luck with whatever you two decide! 

Just my own advice, not professional, but I would give yourself a bit more time before trying again. I think you said that this pregnancy was a surprise, and while embraced and a positive development, you were a bit worried about financials and not being settled in that respect yet...so if that is still the case, I would work on feeling more secure financially so that when the time comes you can really enjoy it! (and I am not saying wait until you're making lots of money...families don't need lots of money to be happy...but just until you feel secure with basic bills and needs being met etc.)

Good luck with whatever you two decide! 

Well put, geally.  That's exactly what I was trying to put across.

Being the expat partner and living abroad can present its own set of challenges, and pregnancy into the mix can be even more so, especially when you haven't been here that long, are missing relatives, friends, other kids, etc.

When I had DD, I became incapacitated w/pregnancy-induced hypertension.  I hadn't been in a job long enough to qualify for statutory sick pay or the like and didn't have ILR.  So DH had to work 48+ hours/week in order to make ends meet, and even then we got into some debt.

This time round, having been here a bit longer and more settled, with a network of friends and support, a steady income and no worries about being a probationary employee, a place to live that we know we like, etc. it's a much more enjoyable experience.

Regarding fertility: it's hereditary. Several doctors have told me that because both my grandma and my mom had babies in their 40s that there's a good chance I'd be able to as well. I keep telling them I'm not interested and they keep telling me things like this. LOL.

my mother had the last of us (4 & 5) when she was 42.  my sister (older than I) asked her dr about fertility and she said it had to do with when your first child was concieved/brought to full term.  the dr said that my sister may very well have a difficult time if she tried to concieve her first at 42 but her 2 or 3rd at 42 should be more 'gauranteed'.

Listen to your heart, if the thought of being pregnant brings tears to your eyes still, then wait, when it brings joy to your heart try again.  I know people who started trying right away and some who may never try again.  Just remember that you can't take care of a new little person until you've taken care of yourself, so just worry about you and the rest will come.