ok so dig it.............. I need advice and help on what to do First!

Follow your heart it will take you to places youve never imagined!

As somebody who got married having known one another for only four months, I can say that getting married as means of establishing a relationship isn't necessarily bad, but there are things to consider.

Of course in this day and age you can always get a divorce, so in my opinion if you feel like it's the right thing to do, go for it.

However, there are some things which initially don't seem like issues, but may turn into ones (some regardless of whether you're married or not).

1. Being married to somebody and having a residence permit based solely on that marriage puts the parties in different positions. One has the power to throw the other out of the country, if he/she so desires. I know it sounds extreme, but a relationship fight will be very unbalanced if the parties think of this, and even outside of fights it creates a power situation which might create insecurities. And this is a two-way street.

2. Establishing oneself as a person in a new country, and not just as the husband/wife of X. This may sound like a strange issue to bring up, but I have known many people to start thinking of themselves as appendages to their spouses, and suspecting others think that too. Can be quite destructive on one's self-esteem.

3. Cultural differences. These may seem like silly little things which give you something to laugh about, but have you considered what it's like to be the only person doing something, and having everybody stare at you as if you're an alien?

4. My Country vs. Your Country. IMHO it's always tricky to live in a country one person is from. There are undertones to all conversations, observations and statements, whether you like it or not. It very soon turns into "me vs. you and your country".
IMHO the best thing to do is to live in a "neutral" country (of course this isn't always viable).

I'm not saying it won't or can't work, We're proof of the fact it has worked for us, but I'm just saying it's a lot of hard work one doesn't necessarily realize straight off the bat. We were relatively knowlegdeable on this, and still many things caught us by surprise.

Follow your heart it will take you to places youve never imagined!

Oh, ain't that the truth . . . 

I agree with Coffeebean... I just think marrying someone you've not known very long except over the internet just for the sake of staying in a country you've never lived in before isn't the wisest way to go about doing things.  Just being perfectly honest here. It can be very risky especially since you're putting the person who already lives and is established in the country in complete control, and you'll end up losing WAY more than he ever will if the relationship doesn't work out. Believe me, you just never know whether or not it's meant to work out just from meeting them a couple of times. You wouldn't marry a guy you just met a couple times who lived in the next town, so why do it with someone you met over the internet who lives in a different country?

I'm honestly not trying to insult anyone who's done this... it just seems like a tremendous risk.

The OP has seen all the commentary, including my thread about the weird guy.  And I have another one coming if anybody's interested  

She has stuck to her guns, and I'm sold.

And who, I mean like WHO?  Who didn't have a good cry because of disillusionment?  Huh?

I have spouses that came here from dirt villages that didn't even have running water 6 months out of the year, and THEY have had a good cry because of disillusionment about life here.   So who didn't have a good cry at least once?

Pebbles and sweetpeach excepted of course.

Most of us did it -- I certainly did.  I think, all told, DH and I spent 10 weeks together before we were married.  Was it risky?  Heck yeah!  But that's looking back on it -- it seemed perfectly normal at the time and we had over four years of history when we were married.  I wouldn't do it again (not that I'm unhappy with my husband...I just mean that I realise now that I was living in a cloud of love and never really considered the implications of our marriage not working out) and certainly wouldn't encourage my child to do it. 

I think that's the point, though.  Many of us are looking at Caroline's situation with the benefit of having been in her situation.  It's soooo easy to romanticise the move or, at the opposite end of the spectrum, just think "Hey, if it doesn't work, so what?  I'll just move back!".  Neither of those approaches is correct, in my opinion.  It's not very romantic, but one has to look at marriage as a bit of a business transaction and has to consider the practicalities involved in making a transatlantic move. 

Anyone getting married (but especially to someone from another country) has to build the strongest foundation possible before taking the plunge.  Does that mean it'll definitely work?  Of course not.  But your chances are better.  Moving in with someone who doesn't make enough to support a spouse, with a history of drug abuse, and having to live with his/her family is a recipe for disaster, in my opinion.  Adding all of that in with the homesickness, the cultural divide, the loss of self-esteem brought about by finding oneself very dependent on someone else...well, it just means the foundation isn't very strong.  Does that mean it won't work out?  Of course not.  But you have to be aware of the risks before making the move.  Even rose-tinted glasses are completely useless to people who refuse to open their eyes. 

I hope it does work out for Caroline and her fiance.  I hope it works out for everyone who falls in love with a Brit.  I guess I just hope that everyone will really think about what they stand to lose before making the move.   

When I first met Dale I stayed for 2 weeks, I went back to America then came back to the UK for 6 months,we lived together at that time. We became engaged and agreed to stay engaged for awhile because he wanted the typical white wedding. I fell pregnant and we decided to get married a lot sooner then we hoped  so I had to go back to the US and get my visa and have a registry office wedding. I don't regret it. But I do wish I'd put off marrying for awhile since I just got divorced from my ex-husbeast January 2004.
I do hope it works out for you. Just make sure you still have something in America to go back to just in case it doesn't work out

Im not oblivious to all this.................... I know the rose colour glasses metaphore................... Ive been to scotland. Ive not met Neils family Ive heard the way he speaks to his mom when hes pissed and too me its nothing more than average disfunctional family. I can assure you I dont think im going to happily skip down the streets thinking this mans going to support me and take care of me. People change only if they want too you cant change someone. He changed for me and I have every confidence he has. I know it wouldnt be easy if things became weird and controlling etc..... He and I arnt perfect but we know that we can be extremely straight foward with eachother without holding back ( Insulting, rants, Dissapointments and bitterness) but realize how much we love eachother underneath it ( The fights are not exterme to the point he leaves mental scars and physical bruises). If you read back on a few of my replies to everyone I hope you can see Im not  a "submissive stupid woman who lets men do whatever they please" nor have I ever been one to stay in a relationship that doesnt prove rewarding. Ive wanted to live in scotland for longer than i can remember, even with all its ins and outs.... but life has the ins and outs thats what makes it worth living. Im not going to live in fear. I trust his word, body language, efforts and his every affection.

I know id regret it forever if I never took this risk!

Och well, if you look at it that way, then come on over! 
If  you've visited before, and know what you're stepping into, then why not?  Glasgow is a brilliant city.   So long as you're not stuck on some god-forsaken scheme with a bunch of scumbags,  when all the while you're anticipating Brigadoon!

Like i said above...  if you feel you know what to expect (or even if you dont)... go for it.  Nothing's permanent.  You can leave if you find it's not what you want.   I think that's a reasonable attitude. 

Ill be in Paisley for a time before we move...... I want to work in Edinburgh..... I know the commute will be rough on me! Neils warned me about the scheme places..... he told me I shouldnt go wandering about alone past a certain time and not to take walks down roads I dont know. He said I can wander about once I know my way with his help. to know what streets im headed down.
I know im not expecting the royal treatment where Im going but it will be an adventure. Neil says tho too if I want to live my dream out in scotland and if I dont like it there we can move back to the USA if I want. We dont plan on staying where he lives with his family already, just makes sense to save money for the time being.

I want to work in Edinburgh.....

TBH, and I have lived in Edinburgh for nearly 4 years now, Glasgow is THE fashion capital of Scotland - that's an undisputed fact.  You walk around town centre of both places and you can definitely tell the difference.  If you want to go far in industries related to fashion, I'd highly suggest you look for work at one of the many, many fabulous salons in Glasgow.  Glasgow is twice the size as well. 

Good luck!  Life would be pretty boring if none of us took a few chances.   

Ive been in contact with Charlie Miller in Edinburgh..... I want work for him!

Also talking to the Rainbowroom.......

Well see! lve not met or been to Either one!

Ive been in contact with Charlie Miller in Edinburgh..... I want work for him!

Also talking to the Rainbowroom.......

Well see! lve not met or been to Either one!

Make sure to budget about £3,000-£3,500/annum to commute in from Paisley.  Using a train, it'll take at least 1.5+ hours each way. 

I cannot suggest strongly enough that you explore employment opportunities in Glasgow to the maximum possibility if you are living in Paisley and being extremely flexible when it comes to employment opportunities, nearly all of which are more plentiful in Glasgow b/c it is a much larger city.  A long, expensive, stressful commute - trains are often very, very overcrowded and late, delayed, cancelled - on top of being in a very new marriage, past issues w/substance abuse, long hours and starting a new career doesn't sound like a fun combination. 

- trains are often very, very overcrowded and late, delayed, cancelled -

HUH?

 

Are you trying to say that trains are late, overcrowded, delayed, cancelled?  That our transport system is not all it's cracked up to be?

Here in the UK?

Where on earth did you get an idea like that?