Curfews?

My sixteen year old is just starting to go out at night by herself.  It occurred to me as I was waiting up that there is the option of a curfew.  What do you think?  At the moment there is no drinking or boys involved.  It's more concerts, DVDs at a friends or train trips to London.  I never had a curfew-it was more of a rule-don't kill yourself or embarrass us.

Nothing wrong with curfews, its how you deal with them when theyre broken that's the hard part. Every one of my six had them, it was just deciphering all the excuses when they were'nt adhered to

Well, no kids here yet, but I was one of the few of my friends who didn't have one. I didn't really know why at the time, but it was because I had proved to my mother that I could be counted on to be reliable and do the right thing. I always tried to let her know when I thought I'd be back and I called her if that looked like it would change.

Don't get me wrong, I was no goody-two-shoes. I went clubbing and to concerts in Washington DC, as well as parties, etc. I suspect if I had seriously violated her trust at any point, she would have established a curfew for me. I had freedom and trust from my mother while all my friends lied and deceived their parents in order to do what I was doing with Mom's knowledge.

Occasionally Mom did request that I be home for by a certain time and she certainly didn't allow me to do everything I wanted to do, but curfews per se never entered the equasion.

I didn't have one, either.  But I also lived in France with a French family for a year when I was 15.  When I came back, I found binge drinking kind of silly, so I mostly stuck to activities like going to see funky films and ballroom dancing rather than parties and clubs.

My 17-year-old doesn't have one except for infrequent times when I'd like him home at a certain hour.  I would say go with your instincts. If you feel your daughter is doing all right w/o one why rock the boat? I'm a path of least resistance-r, myself.  On the other hand, if you feel she needs a bit of guidance still then  go for it. As the mother of a teenager, though, you probably already know that putting a curfew into effect might cause your daughter to spontaneously combust with dingination. Best of luck!

Well, if I'm honest, a lot of it is plain selfishness-if her Dad's home he's awake anyway, but if he's out then I'm waiting up and I'm a person who needs sleep.  Maybe I'll figure out an agreement on those nights.  It's not a problem now, I just don't want to let it go for a year or until a boyfriend makes an appearance and then suddenly hit her with a new set of rules.  Seems sensible to start as you mean to go on. 

A friend of mine grounds her kids if they don't have mobile credit and batteries charged, which I have to admit sounds like a good idea.  She also makes them do housework in exchange for lifts.

A friend of mine grounds her kids if they don't have mobile credit and batteries charged, which I have to admit sounds like a good idea.  She also makes them do housework in exchange for lifts.

Filing these tips away for future reference . . . 

I didnt have one, but that's because i was permanently grounded (i think it was called 'on restriction' in those days!!) from the age of 14 to 16, and left home at 17, so there wasnt really a chance for them to give me a curfew. 

Mindy, I think that a curfew is appropriate. You know when you should come home early and when you can stay out late, depending upon your schedule the next day. Teenagers don't always have the judgement to know this. Also, providing them with a curfew gives them what can be viewed as "an excuse" to not fold to peer pressure in staying out late or engaging in activites they shouldn't. Parenting aside, you need your sleep and if staying up until she is in ensures a timely bedtime for you, then I say go for it!

Of course, be prepared beforehand on how you will handle the inevitable breaking of the curfew...it's gonna happen...at least once!

Parenting aside, you need your sleep and if staying up until she is in ensures a timely bedtime for you, then I say go for it!

Positively, Absolutely.....you know ya never get your head down and into REM until they're all in and the front porch light is out no matter how old they are or how many times ya hear "Ya did'nt hafta wait up for me"

I never had a curfew- as long as we were home by a decent hour, my parents never fussed.  Of course, what was considered a "decent hour" varied by the type of event/outing I was going on....if it was dinner and a movie I was expected to be home by around maybe 11pm, but if it was a party, I could stay out till 1am and it was fine.  This system worked really well in our house, and I really appreciated my parents' flexibility and fairness.

Hey, it may be a bit old-fashioned but..... with all the uncertainties that go along with good parenting ya try and keep them (the uncertanties)  to a minimum, just for your own sanity. Teenagers can get a 'tude if ya look at 'em cross-eyed.... if ya know WHERE they are fine.....if ya ask "where ?" and ya  get the rote answer "out".....(most teens just want OUT) then an answer of "fine just be home by....??" is'nt out of order. ( not that you'll get the truth, BUT......life as a teenager is all about uncertainty, .....and adventure..........AND a way of baffling ya with ********....but you knew that anyway )

A friend of mine grounds her kids if they don't have mobile credit and batteries charged, which I have to admit sounds like a good idea.

I had to read this three times before I realized what it meant.  I'm still having a hard time getting used to the fact that all teens have phones these days.  I feel so old!

Back to topic....  My parents never gave me a curfew so long as I was acting "appropriately".  However, I was threatened with one if I ever began to act like an obnoxious teenager (their words).  Honestly, I think that's what kept me out of trouble.  Firstly, there's the cool factor of not having a curfew when all your friends do, which is something you don't want to lose.  Then there's the fear that comes from having one looming over your head if you screw up.

I'm sure you'll find a solution that works for you... and lets you sleep!

Thanks everybody.  I should perhaps mention that my daughters are probably the most over protected children on the planet and I'm finding the whole teenage independence thing a bit of a struggle.   

 Like someone already said it really all depends on her maturity and responsibility. If you don't give her a curfew and she takes advantage of it by coming home  4am or something then at that point I would give a curfew.
 I have to convince hubby to do this once Courtney reaches that age,  because he will be over-protective of her,knowing him he won't let her date until shes 40 and will make her be in by 5pm lol