a baby shower - a little advance planning

My cousin from the US is coming to visit in late March and wants to host a shower for me at my house. Some of my UKY friends will be invited of course, along with a few people not living in the area. But obviously the bulk of the invitees will be from the local area. I'm now friendly enough with several of the women at work to happily invite them to my shower but I'm a bit worried.

I know the shower isn't that common over here and a couple people I know (older English women) think it's yet another crass gift-grabbing Yank tradition. Frankly, I don't care about gifts. We are very much taking the less is less approach to a newborn as there is a chance (50-50) we'll move to the US before the baby is even a year old. We are even thinking of holding off on buying a crib until we have a better idea of what might happen.

Anyway, I still want a party! Just a fun thing with cute food and silly games and girl-talk. Any idea how I could tailor the invites to include a little traditional history of the shower and somehow indicate that gifts are not required? I did a little Googling but sort of need something more 'formal' like from Miss Manners or something that also had the history bit.

Thanks!

couples party, maybe?

my sister and her husband had a sat. night bbq w/kegger and couples welcome.  people did bring gifts, but it was more like a celebration than a shower. 

and the blokes enjoyed darts, pool, horseshoes, etc. 

hell, they were just looking for an excuse to throw a party.

I am afraid I am one of those English women that thinks baby showers are mostly about money-gift grabbing (ie: people who only want certain items and wouldn't be happy with *any* thoughtful gift), so I decided that if I ever have a baby shower, I will do something like you, try to convey that gifts, whilst appreciated are not necessary and would be capped at around $20- so that if people really do want to purchase something, there is no pressure on price and people can always find something useful- just things like nappies etc for that price, then it doesn't feel "grabby".

I totally share your concerns and it's so nice to see it! My SiL just had her shower and it was so crass about "what will I get, look what I got", it was another reason for me not to go and I did not take any notice of her registry (urgh!), I bought a very cute "take home" outfit from Boots in CREAM! As it happened they were delighted with it.

For my baby shower a bunch of us girls just went out for  lunch and everyone brought gifts. I did ask for some things but they were all small items like baby towels and bibs and I actually got much better presents than I had asked for!  A couple of people did decline to come because they thought it was bad luck to give baby gifts before the birth and one person did make some comment about it being an "American idea like Halloween" although she did come. It was organised by a friend of mine and she emailed invites out to people so it was pretty casual.
 
I also went to a baby shower for an American friend in London - everyone else there was British including the girl who organised it.  She didn't have a registry or anything like that (although everyone did bring a present of course) and the girl who organised it came up with a whole lot of girlie games for us to play, like you might have on a hen night.   The invites were, again,  very casual - mine came by text message!

I notice that Boots sell Baby Shower invites so it must be catching on.

Wouldn't a simple 'No Gifts Please' at the bottom of the invitation work?  I've done this for birthday parties, and some people still brought gifts, and if I get an invitation to not bring a gift, I don't, we just go and have fun.

Wouldn't a simple 'No Gifts Please' at the bottom of the invitation work? I've done this for birthday parties, and some people still brought gifts, and if I get an invitation to not bring a gift, I don't, we just go and have fun.

The problem with "no gifts, please" is that it gives people the impression that you expected gifts to begin with.  You'll always have people who see this and decide they should bring a gift because they were mentioned.

Just don't call it a shower.  Issue invites to "A Celebration in honor of the Soon-to-be-born Baby Balmerhon" or "A Celebration of Balmerhon's Pregnancy" or something of that nature.  Having friends send out the invites to a tea in your honor, billed as a fun get-together of friends, without the word "Shower" or any mention of gifts, should convey the no-gifts message just fine.

Play all the fun baby games you want, and have fun!

My friend who wants to do one for me (She is Australian, they do them there too) Had one for my friend Lucy 2 years ago.  Basically we all went round to my friends house, bringing some kind of food we had made (Rich made his cookies) We each brought a present (Not registered for) and ate food and gossiped.  (No baby games played, I don't want that either though, not my thing) It was lots of fun.  In the evening the partners all came and was more of a party.

As for gifts, well, I don't see anything wrong with registering for things. (Not trying to start a fight, just stating my opinion on it ) How can you receive what you need otherwise?  I grew up this way, which is why I see nothing wrong with it.  I actually appreciate that my friends do this so I can get a gift they want and need.  I usually get the Baby Bijorn when it's listed for them.  Besides if I don't do it my mom will nag me about it that her friends need to buy me gifts.  I even found a place on-line here for specifically my mom's friends.  I wouldn't ask for anything from my friends here.  (I feel funny getting presents from my friends, at my wedding too, don't know why, just me)  My mother is of the Don't have a shower before the baby is born mind, I think it's a religious thing.

What about instead of it being about the baby, make it about you?  If you gear it toward more of a let's-get-together-just-us-girls-before-the-baby-arrives type of gathering, gifts probably won't be too much of an issue.

Honestly, I think all moms-to-be should have an "all about you" party before the baby comes.  God knows it stops being about you the second the little bugger is born. 

Honestly, I think all moms-to-be should have an "all about you" party before the baby comes.  God knows it stops being about you the second the little bugger is born. 

Oh, like a Pamper me party!  I love that!

Oh, like a Pamper me party!  I love that!

Especially toward the end, I think it would be fab!  I would have LOVED a pedicure when reaching my feet was a herculean task.

I think we should start a new trend!!

Especially toward the end, I think it would be fab!  I would have LOVED a pedicure when reaching my feet was a herculean task.

I think we should start a new trend!!

i could use a pedicure now.  vouchers - great gift for the mum to be - save 'em for after when you feel knackered, have a poochy tummy.

I just went to a baby shower for my SIL this past weekend. 

I think baby showers and wedding showers are wonderful!  2 of my mother's close friends "hosted" it and then about 25 other close women friends of my mother's came.  We had a lunch and then cake.  We played some games and then opened gifts.   

Where I'm from it is thought of more to show your support for the mother to be.  We don't think of it as money grabbing at all.

perhaps my view is too idylic, or perhaps i've gone to good showers- but i've always felt like it was the passing of the batton- the older generation to the next.  i loved my sisters baby shower with my gram and all her friends- they all sat around and talked about their first being born, raising their kids, etc... really lovely.  yes there were presents, but they were all under $10. (had it in the USA)

perhaps my view is too idylic, or perhaps i've gone to good showers- but i've always felt like it was the passing of the batton- the older generation to the next.  i loved my sisters baby shower with my gram and all her friends- they all sat around and talked about their first being born, raising their kids, etc... really lovely.  yes there were presents, but they were all under $10. (had it in the USA)

OK, now that I LOVE!!!!  How sweet is that!  Except for the under $10 rule

What about instead of it being about the baby, make it about you?  If you gear it toward more of a let's-get-together-just-us-girls-before-the-baby-arrives type of gathering, gifts probably won't be too much of an issue.

Honestly, I think all moms-to-be should have an "all about you" party before the baby comes.  God knows it stops being about you the second the little bugger is born. 

Good idea!  Make it a celebration of your pregnancy or a girls party before the baby arrives?