Coping with the LDR

Can anyone tell me what they tried to do to make the seperation of loved ones easier to deal wiith.

Me and my DF talk everyday on the phone ( sometimes even 5/6 times a day ) for hours at a time, but i find talking to him on the phone just makes me want him home even more.
 I know you have probably all felt this way, but what im asking for is any advice to make it easier.

We are trying to sort out all the things needed for our husband Visa for after i marry him in USA and no matter how much good news we get, he always seems to find a problem to add to the situation.
This is making us have arguements and sometimes i really feel like just telling him to forget the whole thing and stay where he is.
I know i shouldnt and he is just trying to cover every senario, but it really irks me that i call him with more good news and he goes and throws another spanner in the works.

Right now he only has limited access to the net so it is all on my shoulders to do all the research and enquirering about the Visa options.

Please help me before i say something to him that i know i will regret.

What i forgot to mention before was i havent seen him since July 2005

Oh boy, so many of us have been there

when we were dating my dave and i would talk for hours on the phone......he'd be up till 1-2 every night talking to me while i was in the US.  We sent each other packages.  We wrote cards and letters. I found blank puzzles and wrote notes on them and sent them to him scrambled up!  We did cute things, simple things to show we missed each other.

We were fortunate due to his job and mine that we got to see each other about every 6 weeks-but the times apart still sucked

but you know what happened once we got engaged and we planned on me moving to the UK and leaving the US? The calls got shorter.  Less frequent (1 a day instead of 3).  We were not growing apart at all-it was the stress of the situation, the END being so near that got us both extremely antsy. I felt just like you do so PLEASE don't worry.  The stress of planning a wedding, planning a move, planning a visa.  It's all hard.  And my david would bring up things and i'd find i'd get annoyed with him and we just are not like that together.  It's stress.

What you are doing is NOT easy. No matter how easy it seems to outsiders it isn't.  To me everything you are feeling is natural. 

I have to mirror a bit of what Aimiloo said, talk less.  It may seem weird, but it does help, make sure you are still doing things for yourself, living your life. I was really struggling for a bit, but he and I talked about it, i posted on here, got great advice and followed it, and things are definitely better.  There is not much in the world that is harder than being thousands of miles away from the love of your life and an LDR is not an easy thing, but if you both love each other very much and are willing to talk about it honestly, you can work it out.

How long will you have to go before your next visit?  If things get really bad, try to go or have him come for a visit.  My DF and i promised each other that no matter how bad things got, we wouldn't end things over the phone, we would at least agree to see each other in person again before we made that decision.  We both realized how stressful this can be.  Good luck Jane, i genuinely hope things get better. If you ever need to talk to anyone, drop me an email or something.   

My husband and I went through two long distance patches, though we'd been together in real life for two years at the start of the first one, so that may make a difference.  We were apart for 6 months, then for almost a year because of work / visa issues.

We handled it pretty well--I missed him, but not "desperately".  We chatted on the phone every couple of months (more often when he was getting ready to move to the states because of my job there).  He would email me, a few days later, I would reply.

We found that it was easier to not talk/email too often.  We didn't share every detail of every day, as I hear a lot of LDR couples talk about.  If he was calling, it was IMPORTANT.  If he emailed, it was for a specific reason, not to tell me what he did that day.

But, I guess everyone handles these things differently.

It was a bit differant for me, when I had to go back to the states for my visa, I was pregnant. And I needed to talk to him everyday, I was so miserable and alone there , and talking to him saved my sanity

I guess I don't "need" to talk to my man everyday, but it's nice. Even if it's just for a few minutes. We already miss so much together that after a few days of no communication, I miss him even more. I understand though having to live your life on your respective side of the ocean and the time difference making it difficult. There are six hours difference from here to there. I feel guilty quite often about him staying up till 1, 2 and sometimes even 3am. Everyone handles things differently though. I am not a clingy sort, but when I am with him I can't stop touching him.. why? Because I finally can and that's nice! I wish you the best of luck, I know it's hard. At least you have a future to plan for.

It was a bit differant for me, when I had to go back to the states for my visa, I was pregnant. And I needed to talk to him everyday, I was so miserable and alone there , and talking to him saved my sanity

That's totally understandable. I can't imagine! I get emotional anyways, but pregnant I'd have been a mess trying to deal with the distance. But, you made it and seem to be relatively sane! 

It was a bit differant for me, when I had to go back to the states for my visa, I was pregnant. And I needed to talk to him everyday, I was so miserable and alone there , and talking to him saved my sanity

she is just so totally adorable!  Cute pickys, angel/devil!!!   

I thought of another thing that helps the distance in my case. Sharing photos often. We show each other the little things that we can't share together, like getting the Christmas tree, opening Christmas gifts, celebrations, or just day to day fun when we aren't together. It always puts a smile on my face to see pictures of him and the kids, no matter what they are doing. 

hi, rich and i never missed one day talking on the phone (except when I was at burning man for 3 days!)  Sometimes we have short chit chatty calls and others are very deep and emotional.  Its the variety of both that we like.  We send cards and care boxes.  Im now packing up to move there next month, so I have a lot going on here.  Lots of text messages too.  I think each of our LDR situations are different, as are we.  I couldnt go a day without hearing his voice.  The bottom line in my opinion, LDR's are extremely difficult on everyone involved.  If both parties are willing to stick it out to be together... I think thats true love!

I hope you stick around here, many wonderful people with some great advice and just good listeners in general!  I know many times ive come to my computer crying and after a bit on here, I felt a little better...

But, you made it and seem to be relatively sane! 

cool, I have you fooled! bwahahaha

Matt and I have never lived in the same country so we have been having a LDR for almost 10 months now.  We rarely talk on the phone but we spend a lot of time chatting online.  He is an IT guy so he's online all the time while at work and then at home.  I am online as often as I possibly can so we talk alot.  I admit the longest we've gone withouth seeing each other is 3 weeks, not months like some of the girls here, but it was still hard.   The best way to cope is to just look forward to seeing him again.  That works for me anyway.  I am going to see him for for the last time before I get out of the Navy on Feb3rd, then we won't see each other again till March 1st when he arrives in Florida for our March 20th wedding and I am thinking I am gonna be miserable for that entire month.  After that, no more long distance!!!! 

About immigration, I dont know what your reasons are for moving to the US instead of the UK but this is our opnion.....At first we were planning on settling in the US so I could go to college and not have to pay out of my nose for tuition but it turns out US immigrations is a b*tch and it would be a while before he could actually work in the US.  We have found UK immigration, at least the part to get me a spouse visa, to be much easier to deal with.  The US is really a pain in the butt.  There's a million things you have to do.  So, if you think it is getting to be too hard for him to move to the US, consider moving to the UK instead.  Just my 2 cents.

June

Thanks Guys for all the advice.   

I know everyone is different.
Neither him nor I could go more than a day without talking to eachother.   

I thought of another thing that helps the distance in my case. Sharing photos often.

I do send him little pics every now and then of me and the boys. I recently went to my brothers wedding and Dave was supposed to fly over for a couple of weeks to come with me, but work commiments wouldnt allow him the time.
So i sent him some of the pics of that day too.

About immigration, I dont know what your reasons are for moving to the US instead of the UK but this is our opnion.....

June - I am only going to the States to marry him as i have noticed its all a lot easier to marry him there as i dont need any type of visa because i am not settling there.
Once we are married we are applying for his Marriage Visa to return to the UK with me.


My main problem seems to have sorted itself out for now.
I told Dave about all the extra stress i have on my shoulders as its only me that is doing the research and enquiring about the visa.
He doesnt really take it out on me, but we do sometimes get heated.
I try to get a couple hours sleep before he calls me when he gets home from work which sometimes isnt until 3am my time, and the last thing i want to be woken up with is problems. He has promised me he will try not to find extra problems and if he does, then to not call me and take it out on me.

We have been together since May 2004 and have beaten back a lot of the roadblocks that slapped us in the face in the early stages. To me it just seems that every corner we turn, we meet another one. By the time he gets back here in Feb we will have been apart for almost 8 months. What makes it hard is that we spend 5 months together here.

Well, time will tell. He's here in February for the next visit, then i'm flying back with him to marry him in Vegas then on to the British Consulate in NYC ( and our honeymoon) to apply for his Husband Visa.
While in NYC we will be visiting his family and some of my friends.

Guess I better stop here or i could rant all day about this   

Thanks for some of the tips guys   

cool, I have you fooled! bwahahaha

Haha please note I said "relatively" lol and what is sane anyways? 

Jane it sounds like you have your information all in order. I am sure some of what you are going through is just what you said stress, and nerves. It's good that you talked to him about it and worked somethings out. Just think, soon this will all be a blur and you'll be together again. I wish you the best and hope time goes by quickly for you two. 

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the info.
Since talking to him about what I'm going through, he has started to take some of the burden from me and went into Manhattan to the marriage bureau to find out information from them.
The only ID i will need to marry him is a valid passport, well, if im in the states, i guess i have a valid passport or i wouldnt be travelling  lol
Then after 24 hrs of the license being issued, we have to wait a full 24 hrs before we can get married.
Then what we have to do is turn up at Manhattans office and its a first come, first serve basis for the ceremony.
So, the earlier we get there, the better, and hopefully not much waiting around.

We will be having a blessing of our vows when we are back in the UK so its then that i get to wear the big dress i already have and the party.