My grandma

Hello everyone,

I was wondering how to deal with my grandmother....she has a lot of health problems, and ever since my grandpa passed away in 2002 she seems to have given up. Shes very frail these days, and her memory is really very poor. She hardly remembers my son at all, and asks if hes mine every time she sees him.

I have finally told her today that I am getting a divorce, she doesnt even remember who I am married to she just remembers she doesnt like him

I also told her I met someone from England..and wasnt able to continue that with I will be moving there soon...because her reaction wasnt the greatest...she didnt say anything, which surprises me, shes rather outspoken But just the look on her face...she wasnt happy.

Which also surprises me, part of my family is from England, you'd think shed be happy

So how do I go about giving her the news? The worst part is knowing she wont remember anything I tell her shortly down the road

edited to add I also have not told her I am engaged to be married to my Brit....again I just couldnt do it with her initial reaction...I would love for them to meet someday, I think she would really like him, but I am a bit worried she will think hes my ex...and say some rather not nice things not knowing its a totally different person.

Katrina

So sorry to hear about your grandma.  Maybe if you're really upbeat and happy when you tell her that you're moving to England, she'll take it better.  Hopefully, she'll think of it as something new and happy for you.

And now we can add DFs mum to the list of face makers

He told her today we are getting married..her reaction was apparenltly quite similar...yet she had been one of the ones suggesting marriage....


I am beginning to think its time to plan a wedding in some far off location on a quiet beach just him, my son myself and whoever can act as witnesses :/

DF says no to that idea...but if people keep reacting this way..

Awww...don't worry!  You are marrying your DF and starting your life together...that's the thing to try to remember.  I wonder why DF's mum had that reaction?  Maybe your grandmother could tell once you said you'd met someone from England that there was a chance you'd be moving there?  In the end, I'm sure she'll be happy that you're happy.

When I was trying to decide if I should move to India with DH, my dad said 'look, you need to do things that are right for you - not for us.  Of course we don't want you to move a million miles away but what if something happens to us tomorrow?  It's your life and you have to do what is right for yourself.'  I was really proud that he could be that selfless and it was a good point.  Try to keep your spirits up and remember that you'll be happily married soon!

Awww...don't worry!  You are marrying your DF and starting your life together...that's the thing to try to remember.  I wonder why DF's mum had that reaction?  Maybe your grandmother could tell once you said you'd met someone from England that there was a chance you'd be moving there?  In the end, I'm sure she'll be happy that you're happy.

When I was trying to decide if I should move to India with DH, my dad said 'look, you need to do things that are right for you - not for us.  Of course we don't want you to move a million miles away but what if something happens to us tomorrow?  It's your life and you have to do what is right for yourself.'  I was really proud that he could be that selfless and it was a good point.  Try to keep your spirits up and remember that you'll be happily married soon!

Wow...if only my family reacted that way Its wonderful your dad supports you in that way! I have been in numerous fights with everyone I am close to but one brother (I have 5), he is happy for us and is just wondering when we will be back to the states so he can meet the man marrying his kid sister

I'm really not sure why his mum did that..but it hurt They all seem to like me, we got on great when I was there. The only thing I can think is maybe they think we should have had a longer period before deciding to get married, but as plenty of you know its sometimes either get married or spend a very long time apart...we knew we'd get married someday so we just pushed it up.

I have been doing as you suggested, trying to remember this is about me and my fiance, not other people, they arent the ones in the relationship. Hopefully once I am there for good she will see that this is what we want and we are very happy about it.

He is the youngest, and although his brother isnt married to his gf they are together forever, so hes the last to get permanently attached...maybe its that thats getting to her? He said she will come to him when shes ready and they will talk, lets just hope it goes better next time

Katrina

Yep I'm pretty lucky with my dad!     He makes up for my mom who basically said don't go no matter what.  Of course my dad had that told to him my his mom when he moved to the US from India (and it was basically clear he was leaving for good, would be making a new life in the US, etc).  So he knows what it's like to have to leave your family and home.  I told him don't worry, I'll be back to the US eventually!!  My mom is another story, she just wants me to come HOME and stay HOME.

Yeah I hope it goes better next time with your DF's mother...they will come around eventually.  Once they understand how happy you make each other, how can they not be happy for you?  My parents also had to deal with me being married (previously) and not yet divorced, and then getting divorced and leaving to join my now husband (then just boyfriend) in India (on the same day - I got on a plane right after the court hearing  ) without any job prospects or any plans for the future at all!  So now they're just plain happy I seem to be somewhat settled...

Yep I'm pretty lucky with my dad!     He makes up for my mom who basically said don't go no matter what.  Of course my dad had that told to him my his mom when he moved to the US from India (and it was basically clear he was leaving for good, would be making a new life in the US, etc).  So he knows what it's like to have to leave your family and home.  I told him don't worry, I'll be back to the US eventually!!  My mom is another story, she just wants me to come HOME and stay HOME.

Yeah I hope it goes better next time with your DF's mother...they will come around eventually.  Once they understand how happy you make each other, how can they not be happy for you?  My parents also had to deal with me being married (previously) and not yet divorced, and then getting divorced and leaving to join my now husband (then just boyfriend) in India (on the same day - I got on a plane right after the court hearing  ) without any job prospects or any plans for the future at all!  So now they're just plain happy I seem to be somewhat settled...

I am in the same situation...I am not divorced yet. But we are filing today!!!!!! FINALLY!!! On v-day of all days..go figure    I am coming back here tomorrow (no net at home) to apply for my fiancee visa, and wait for the go-ahead to schedule the final hearing. Then once the documents from df come in I will be going to the consulate..hopefully by the 1st week in march I will be on a plane to my guy

I think his mom is loosening up, he announced to the whole family we are engaged, and they were really supportive, except his brother...but his brother is a different story Theyve decided instead of wedding gifts they are paying for our honeymoon...which otherwise we cant afford!! And his mom already objects to our chosen venue...she wants a church wedding, we want a civil wedding

So hopefully that was as far as the face-making goes! She does know I am still married, that probably does have a lot to do with it  I imagine once she knows the divorce is underway she will calm down a lot too.

Katrina

I think his mom is loosening up, he announced to the whole family we are engaged, and they were really supportive, except his brother...but his brother is a different story Theyve decided instead of wedding gifts they are paying for our honeymoon...which otherwise we cant afford!! And his mom already objects to our chosen venue...she wants a church wedding, we want a civil wedding

So hopefully that was as far as the face-making goes! She does know I am still married, that probably does have a lot to do with it  I imagine once she knows the divorce is underway she will calm down a lot too.

Katrina

That's great that they are going to pay for your honeymoon!  It does sound like his family is warming up to the idea!  You're probably right that his mom is a bit worried about you being married...I avoided all that as my in laws don't know I was ever married...   Not a recommended way to do it though, because now we have to find some way to tell them...'oh by the way did you know i was married before?'  I can already imagine the grief it will cause.  My ILs are very conservative, which is why we didn't tell them in the first place and wanted them to get to know me first without prejudging but NOW it's hard to find a good way to mention it!  I don't advocate lying (well not technically lying but you know....)!

Since I was married before I couldn't have a church wedding (not until I get an annulment, another thread altogether) so we had an Indian wedding...my mom was not happy but what could she do, just accept it and be happy we were at least getting married legally!     She tried/tries to make an issue of it but I mostly ignore her...

lost my post! 

Anyway, the update!

His family has been so amazing. His parents are offering to pay for the food at the reception, so that leaves a lot of money that can be allocated elsewhere if need be. And theres talk his grandma is giving us a lump sum. They have all been so generous....

So now to get things with my ex straightened out and FINALLY get to file...I am majorly peeved about the newest development....gonna have to post under greivances too 

Anyway getting off topic! hehe

His mum wants a church wedding for us, but D doesnt, and with me being married before, it wont happen. And they knew from the beginning I had been married, partly because I have a son and we knew it would be difficult sorting that out..and it has been..and continues to be.

Good luck telling them, I hope all goes well, the most important thing is you and your husband now are together and happy, not what happened in your past. We all make mistakes..dont I know it!!!

Katrina