problems with custody issues for UK fiance visa

My girlfriend and I are finding ourselves in a very stressful and upsetting situation. We have known each other know for 18 months, I spent 2 months at the end of 2004 with her in America, and then another 3 months between Feb - May of 2005 there. We are currently attempting to apply for a "Fiancé Visa" for her to join me in the UK. For the last 3 months my girlfriend has tried to contact the Father of her son to get him to sign the consent forms or if need be, the custody forms.

Mysteriously, his telephone was then disconnected, so the only way my girlfriend had of contacting him was via his Mother. Since the Father's phone was disconnected, his Mother has not answered the phone to my girlfriend (who has left countless messages on her answer machine for her to call back). The calls were never returned.

Out of the blue, last week, the Father's step-Dad called to give my girlfriend some bad news, the Father had just disappeared. The story was how his girlfriend had come home from work to find him and all his clothes, gone!
 
The fishy thing is, the phone was never handed to my girlfriend, and the message was given to her Mum to pass on. Whilst relaying this "bad news", my girlfriend's Mum was full of enthusiasm and apparent joy at the bad news. After I had discussed with my girlfriend about trying to get him for "Termination of Parental Rights", my girlfriend's Mum went to bed depressed and in tears.

This happened last week, and ever since then my girlfriend's Mum has been unresponsive when the issue is raised about contacting a lawyer. Couple this together with my girlfriend's Mum making no secret of the fact that we're "ruining my life by taking my grandchildren away from me", it just all sounds TOO suspicious for my liking.

This COULD just be a plan concocted by both sets of grandparents to stop the children from leaving America. If so, what on Earth can we do about this? Can I contact UK Immigration and let them know the situation if we find it out to be true?
This could take months to sort out, and it seems that whatever plans my girlfriend and I make, my girlfriend's Mum always seems to find joy in it when they go wrong.

Is someone really allowed to screw with people's lives like this and get away with it? As far as I can see, UK Immigration wouldn't be sympathetic to our plight, so that means that the "screwed" grandparents have won yet again. This is just so unfair.

Would anyone know just WHAT we can do about this?

sadly I think all your gf can do is contact a lawyer. She can get legal aid if she is unable to afford an attorney. I think at the very least if the father is on the birth certificate she has to have his signature to take them out of the country. If he is not on the bc she might be ok. A lawyer can attempt to find the birth father and go from there. I feel for you

Thanks for your compassion, StaceyLeigh!

My girlfriend is contacting a lawyer tomorrow and then I'll "PayPal" any money she needs for this to her. We have read that if she files for "Termination of Parental Rights" he has 20 days to respond if they cannot find him, after that he loses by default. I just hope we never hear from him again!

Thanks for your compassion, StaceyLeigh!

My girlfriend is contacting a lawyer tomorrow and then I'll "PayPal" any money she needs for this to her. We have read that if she files for "Termination of Parental Rights" he has 20 days to respond if they cannot find him, after that he loses by default. I just hope we never hear from him again!

If you find out that that 20-days thing is true, I will SERIOUSLY do a happy dance. . . . . Keep us posted- and best wishes to you, your girlfriend, and the kids!

Good luck to you, I know how it feels to have family wanting to sabotage your relationship....thankfully things have gotten better but it was bad for awhile. Now they seem to have accepted that my fiance and I really do love each other and are finally willing to be supportive.

I have a son and my ex has been a pain, to say the least.

My mom has actually called my child HER baby in the past (when he was tiny before I met my Brit). That caused a lot of problems.

I think it is wonderful you are willing to help your gf through this, I know its rough, believe me I do. Sounds like your gf found a good man, and good for her I hope things turn out well for all three of you.

Thanks very much for that MissyMo, I will definitely let you all know how it goes!

I'll do more than a happy dance, I'll bend over and...you get the idea!  

Good luck to you, I know how it feels to have family wanting to sabotage your relationship....thankfully things have gotten better but it was bad for awhile. Now they seem to have accepted that my fiance and I really do love each other and are finally willing to be supportive.

I have a son and my ex has been a pain, to say the least.

My mom has actually called my child HER baby in the past (when he was tiny before I met my Brit). That caused a lot of problems.

I think it is wonderful you are willing to help your gf through this, I know its rough, believe me I do. Sounds like your gf found a good man, and good for her I hope things turn out well for all three of you.

Thank you SO much for your compliments and sweet remarks! It is actually 4 of us, the other father of the youngest boy had no problems signing the passport and visas consent forms and wishing us good luck!

I'm glad you finally got things sorted out, that must have been the same huge sigh of relief we'll both sigh when it works out for us too!

please be aware, however, that fathers and even grandparents have much stronger rights in the US than in the UK.  and if he truly doesn't want his child to go, he can do lots to prevent this.  she needs to find a way to appeal to his better nature, if possible.

she needs a lawyer, b/c even if this 20 day thing is true - and it sure sounds awfully short and the time periods may vary by state - he can appeal.  and appeal.  and appeal.

Thanks for your compassion, StaceyLeigh!

My girlfriend is contacting a lawyer tomorrow and then I'll "PayPal" any money she needs for this to her. We have read that if she files for "Termination of Parental Rights" he has 20 days to respond if they cannot find him, after that he loses by default. I just hope we never hear from him again!

 
Hope it all works out for you both...good luck!

Thank you SO much for your compliments and sweet remarks! It is actually 4 of us, the other father of the youngest boy had no problems signing the passport and visas consent forms and wishing us good luck!

I'm glad you finally got things sorted out, that must have been the same huge sigh of relief we'll both sigh when it works out for us too!

Its good at least one of them is being so good about it all. While I am glad we've found a middle ground with visitation it leaves me seeing my son 5 months of the year, unless my ex agrees to homeschooling, which I wont hold my breath but he says he will consider next year...so we'll see. I wish he would have given me permission to be the primary custodial parent, but he refused outright and basically left me with few options. If I fight it I could end up with less time than I have now, and I really dont want that. I hate that a judge can decide what happens to my son.

Best of luck to you, hoping soon to see a post from you tellng us all is well

Katrina

I have to say it's the same in this country (uk) and I am going through the same thing with my ex husband who has not bothered with my son (2) since April last year and my fiance Chris is who my baby calls daddy and he is the one my baby has the bond with my fiance is the one that support us and my baby not my ex he hasn't given me a penny since we split and I moved back to the midlands, but where the courts are concerned the biological father is all that counts.

That is why my partner is going to apply to come to the UK to live instead it is easier, so we are just praying that the visa (immigration) say yes and we can all come home together as a family.

I guess I am lucky in one way. My son is almost 14 and wants to stay in the USA with his grandparents. He has lived with them most of his life anyway, because he chose too. I actually wonder how the consulate will feel about that, but to me as long as he is staying behind where and with who is really none of their business even though they ask.

My girlfriend has her first meeting with her lawyer this coming Tuesday, so I will let you all know how she gets on. Playing as the "Devil's Advocate", on paper the father has about a 10% of disrupting our plans, but you never know what dirty washing turns up in the laundry.