Am fed up, miserable, lonely and want to go home - NOW!

That's it, I've had it. I really have. I have been living in this wretched country for the past 6.5 months and life has only gotten worse for me with time, not better. I have tried, I really have with trying to adapt and fit in over here for my husband's sake, but I am now at the end of my rope. It has been an especially bad week for me this week and I finally told my husband over the weekend that I cannot take this anymore. I am not happy, I work at a job that I hate and has nothing to do whatsoever with my career (there goes my degree down the toilet!). I told my husband that I am at my breaking point and I will take my next paycheck and book a plane ticket home for myself. We suffered through 6 years of a long-distance relationship before we got married, but I am now willing to have a long-distance marriage until he's able to come to the US as things are so bad. As much as I love him, I am ready to crack and I told him that I would get on a plane tomorrow if I could afford the ticket. I gave up my career, my car/ability to drive, my family, my own money, my friends - everything in order to come here. But if I'm not able to make a new life here, find a job that I enjoy not just some awful customer service job, make some friends, be able to just go out to dinner (we can't afford it as I haven't worked for 6 months)....anything, just to have a little bit of happiness, but no, I am stuck here in a life that I hate and miserable. I don't even want to get up in the morning. I thought things would get better once I started working, but now it's worse. I'm crap at my new job and I hate it anyway as it's not in my career, pays nearly nothing and is a waste of my degree that I worked so hard for. I'm so unhappy.

I just want to go home. Sorry, don't really expect much advice, and "getting over it"/"making the best of it" just really isn't going to cut it for me. I am miserable. I have no idea what to do. Husband and I are fighting more and I cry myself to sleep nearly every week. Now what? :\\\'(

I admire your courage. Only you know what is right for you.

oh no...don't go home yet!!  i'm sure i could offer all kinds of "do this" or "do that"....but it's prolly just gonna all sound like "blah...blah....blah...blah"....but i'll give it a go anyway.  

have you considered taking a bus trip somewhere...by yourself.  just to get away...see some other part of the country and possibly meet some new people?  you can get bus tickets pretty cheap.

being financially strapped sucks the big one...but there are things you can do that don't cost money...going to the park, signing up for a local group of some sort, volunteering, etc.

as for your job....are you applying to different places?  or being persistent with the places that you have applied?  

have you and DH discussed moving somewhere else within the country?  possibly to a bigger city (i can't recall where you live) where there might be more options for you as far as work goes?  or at least more people that will increase the possibilities of you making friends?

or is it already set in your mind that you wanna go home and that's that?  

Ohhhh just reading your post is making me sad.   :\\\'(  Especially looking at the beautiful picture of you and your husband.  You said you didn't want any advice...so I'm not sure what to say but wanted to let you know that I read your post and know how you feel.  Do you really think it cannot get ANY better here, after only 6.5 months?  You seem pretty sure but maybe it might be worth trying to think about it again when you're not so unhappy and stressed? 

Feel free to PM if you think it would help at all...

I have a nosey question...how much of your misery is just related to the job?  I only ask because I hate my job right now.  I hate getting up in the morning because I have to go to work.  I hate being at work (boss/coworkers/the job itsel).  I hate going to sleep at night because that just means that I have to get up again in the morning and do it all over. 

I live where I've always lived though, so I don't have that additional stress.

I'm just saying that you have gone through some major life changes in the past 6.5 months and you should be sure that making the move back across the pond will fix things for you.  (I feel so dumb saying that, because I'm sure you know it already). 

Make sure you talk to your husband about his desire to move to the States before you leave too.

I hope you feel better soon, no matter what you two decide.

 

Thank you for your replies everyone. I was seriously beginning to doubt this forum as everyone here seems to happy in the UK and there doesn't seem to be much room around here for those of us that are not happy or struggling.

We are in Northampton, which both of us hate. It's unattractive, seems economically depressed, nothing but '70s era concrete everywhere you look, and most of all there is nothing in my career field here - journalism/publishing. I spent 6 months trying to find a job in my field but my qualifications were not accepted (B.S. Journalism, Univ. of Illinois Champaign-Urbana). Even the local paper turned me down - twice. I was told I did not have "enough UK experience" to work in journalism here. As a result, I finally took a run-of-the-mill customer service job, which I hate, but desperate need for the money as I haven't worked in months.

Husband's family/friends all live near Cambridge, but we are stuck here (over hour away) as husband is a trainee teacher and must remain at his school in NOrthampton until he qualifies. Also, we cannot afford to move - we can't even afford to live in an unfurnished flat as we can't afford furniture, which means we can't even hang our wedding photo on our own wall!

I have a few friends in the UK, but they are all in London/down south and I cannot afford any trips to go and see them, and they are not too keen on coming to Northampton either. We haven't even seen husband's family for 8 weeks as we couldn't afford the extra petrol!

It's just all miserable. Going off somewhere or volunteering is not an option because my horrible job hours are 9-6 plus weekends. We don't know anyone here and have no one to talk to or go see. We have been living here with only each other to talk to and honestly, it's just not enough anymore. I would move in a heartbeat, if we could, but husband's job totally prevents it.  

I was seriously beginning to doubt this forum as everyone here seems to happy in the UK and there doesn't seem to be much room around here for those of us that are not happy or struggling.

I had those doubts when I started posting on this forum too. I think many of us just exsist in the UK on various levels of coping... some of us are like-natives others barely keep their head up everyday. There is no right or wrong to it, it just is.

At some point, people consider throwing in the towel and others just try to stay afloat another day. It's neither a success nor a failure. With an open mind, things are  likely to turn around yet at the same time it takes guts to know when it will not and you as a person will suffer. Where you and your husband decide to go from here is up to the two of you. You were six years apart before you married so it is feasible you could give it a try. Perhaps that distance is what you need to recharge your batteries and figure out where you'd like your life to head.

Oh, poor you.  I'm sorry that you're so unhappy.  I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it better.  Just try to hang in there. 

Husband's family/friends all live near Cambridge, but we are stuck here (over hour away) as husband is a trainee teacher and must remain at his school in NOrthampton until he qualifies.

How much longer is it until he qualifies? Will you be able to move then? I find that no matter how miserable one might be in a situation, if there's an "end date" on it, it can be bearable.

Aww I'm so sorry you are so miserable! *hugs*

I don't really have any advice seeing as I have not been in your shoes but I will say don't give up! You've been there for 6.5 months and are at a job you hate and far away from family & friends. It's not always going to be like this though. I think I read that you guys are living in Northampton because your husband is finishing up his training to be a teacher? How long will that take? Once he's finished you can move and before then save the little money you do bring in. Being a trainee is I'm guessing just like doing your internship? It will eventually end and he will eventually get a job in his field and you will have money. I know it's all easier said than done but it's not always going to be like this. Maybe once your husband stops training you can save up some money and move closer to family or even your friends in London. That would be a GREAT place for you to use your degree in! Newspapers, Magazines, News stations...

What is your husbands feelings on moving to the US?

Anyway...feel better. Go out and have a drink just relax alone or even take a bath with a glass of wine...if you can't afford it then splurge on a £5 bottle. You deserve it for going through such a rough time.

I find that no matter how miserable one might be in a situation, if there's an "end date" on it, it can be bearable.

Agreed

I thoroughly believe that people who hate living here should not stay here.
But, saying that, if you've only been here 6 months, you haven't really given it a fair chance, in my opinion.

Maybe you should start looking for a new job?

To lighten things up a bit, maybe try reading writer & broadcaster Andrew Collins' book 'Where Did It All Go Right?'... about his childhood & adolescence in Northampton.   It's a really good read, and you'll probably find you recognise a few places in the book! 

Here's his website...
http://www.wherediditallgoright.com/book.html

http://www.emap.com/ This is a publishing company that I am aware of in your area---they list job vacancies on their website....maybe possibly a place to try.

Maybe you should start looking for a new job?

Good idea. Have you thought about freelancing for a US paper or magazine? If you don't have enough experience here to get a job on a UK paper, maybe freelancing would be the way to go.

How much longer is it until he qualifies? Will you be able to move then? I find that no matter how miserable one might be in a situation, if there's an "end date" on it, it can be bearable.  

He's doing what's called an induction year. In most circumstances, this should only take one academic year. Unfortunately, it's not going well and he may well have to stay on for a second year if he doesn't "pass" this year.

I thoroughly believe that people who hate living here should not stay here.

For once, Quarter-Gill, I completely agree with you. I have explained how I feel to my husband and, God bless him, he understands and is sympathetic. He supports my decision to go back home and wait for him to follow if that is what I truly need to do. Had I the money to do it, I would leave now. I do not believe in living an unhappy life. I have always believe that if one is unhappy in a situation, then one must do what they can to change that situation. As you say, I shouldn't be here if I hate it.