Am fed up, miserable, lonely and want to go home - NOW!

Big hugs. I know what youre going through. I was in your shoes for 2 years.
For me living in the UK was a massive culture shock and I have lived all over the world.
Maybe finding a job that gave you more of a sense of self worth would help. Also why cant you drive here? I think for me driving really helped me adjust. I cant imagine not driving!!
Best of luck to you
xx

Also why cant you drive here? I think for me driving really helped me adjust. I cant imagine not driving!!

Totally agree... it would give you so much independence and make you feel better!

I sound like a broken record, but I think you have not given it enough time...

Also, you are totally swamped right now. With a few minor changes your story mirrors my husbands when he came to the USA... please please please find someone to talk to.  Be it a friend, a counsellor whatever.... but find someone to help you. 

Do not be ashamed of how you feel or feel horrible, but you need to do something. 

It just sounds like anything and everything that can have a negative impact on you is right now... and I just hope things get better soon!

Hugs!

I just did a quick google and found this site: http://www.realdaysout.co.uk/Map/Show.aspx?CTID=86

It lists loads of things to do in and around Northampton, many of them free!

One thing that I had to go to keep myself sane while in the UK was to always have something to look forward to.  Stupid things like if there was something on one of the 5 channels that I liked that would be on in a few days.  Or being able to read my book on the bus home from work.  I was alone in the UK so I tended to also travel a lot or take really long walks and get lost around the city I lived in or a different city nearby.  It fills up your day and clears your head. 



I hope things start to turn around for you soon.

Gosh, I am sorry you are having such a bad time of acclimating to the UK.  I found it to be diffcult.  I hope you find some happiness if you stay or if you return to the US.

How much longer is it until he qualifies? Will you be able to move then? I find that no matter how miserable one might be in a situation, if there's an "end date" on it, it can be bearable.

Yep I also agree with belindaloo and reeeka - will remembering that this is not a permanent situation help?

I was in the same position as you were when I moved to India with my DH - I gave up a totally great job offer, and I was unemployed at the time and my unemployment pay had just run out.  I was forced to decide: between the security of a paycheck, in the field in which I have made my career, leave my mom and dad, sister and nieces/nephew - and the insecurity of going off to India with DH who was just a boyfriend at this time, not even fiance, to a place I'd never lived before, didn't speak the language at all, had no immediate family in the city, and no job prospects.  Couldn't drive, couldn't talk to people, couldn't do anything!  And DH would not even ask me to marry him yet!  I cried many many tears this year but remembering that it was not forever helped a lot.  And after a while I did make friends, I did find a job (although it was horrible), I did start feeling ok in the city I started out hating.

Anyway I think you are right - if you are unhappy to the point of not being able to think of anything except leaving, then yes you need to do something to change the situation.  But maybe changing the situation need not be leaving altogether?  You know yourself best naturally and if DH is supportive of you then you are very lucky.  But it seems a shame that there is no other way but for you two to live in separate countries....

He's doing what's called an induction year. In most circumstances, this should only take one academic year. Unfortunately, it's not going well and he may well have to stay on for a second year if he doesn't "pass" this year.

For once, Quarter-Gill, I completely agree with you. I have explained how I feel to my husband and, God bless him, he understands and is sympathetic. He supports my decision to go back home and wait for him to follow if that is what I truly need to do. Had I the money to do it, I would leave now. I do not believe in living an unhappy life. I have always believe that if one is unhappy in a situation, then one must do what they can to change that situation. As you say, I shouldn't be here if I hate it.

I'm so sorry that life in the UK hasn't worked out, the winters are the worst, thats when practically everyone there wishes they lived elsewhere lol.

It sounds as though you have a lovely husband too, a very understanding one. Go home, do everything you can to build a life for you both in the US. Perhaps once you've gone he might decide that building a new career for himself in the US is preferable to being apart. Whatever happens you have all my good wishes for you both.

 
 

I very very clearly remember a day where I went to my hubs and said, "I dearly love you, and I have tried for 5 years to live in this country without success." "Its time for me to go home now, and I'm hoping that you will give my country a try, as I have done yours... for at least a little while."

And he agreed.

He said no country was as important as I was to him, so he would be willing to try.  And so far, 2 years later back in the US..he is absolutely happy.  Im very lucky.  The jobs are more plentiful here in our area and so is the money...and BOY did that take the stress off.

I hope that you can talk it out and make a solid plan.
All my best..and hugs

 For once, Quarter-Gill, I completely agree with you.

For once???!!  
Shocking comment, that!  

Thank you again, all of you who have replied. At this point, I'm not really sure what the answer is, but I think the next step is to seek some professional help. I have reached a point where my life, as it is now, holds very little meaning for me. My husband is hurting as he doesn't know how to help me, and it hurts me to know that my unhappiness is a destructive element in our marriage.

Moving is not an option, and changing jobs - at least right now - is also not an option as we need the money and I can't risk going without a job for any longer. However, I have decided to contact my doctor about my state of mind. After that, we'll see.

Thank you again everyone.

I really feel for you.  I remember feeling that bad when I lived over here the first time, back in the late 80's.
We had no money and lived in a furnished flat. I felt trapped and horrible.  We had nearly a year like that.  
Then we got a bit better off financially and were able to move into an unfurnished place.  We still were very tight financially so we furnished with 2nd hand stuff mostly - but it was ours and we picked it out.  We could afford to stop in a cafe for a cup of tea and a cream cake now and then (mostly then!).  I was a happy camper then!
Having a nicer place to live and a bit more money really helps!  Its not nice to be broke and in a strange place even if you are with the one you love.
We made it through the bad time, moved to the US for 15 years and are back here (happily) again.  We intend to be here for the duration now.  Both of us are retired.
I hope whatever you decide to do, you will both be happy.

I don't mean to sound selfish, but reading your post has confirmed my worries about moving to Scotland.  I will be in the same boat as you and am really nervous about it.  All I can say is if you aren't truly happy, move home.  I would and will if I'm not happy with Glasgow (I'll give it a year).  My husband can move here if I'm not happy, because I know that I'll be giving up a great job, money, my car, etc... and if Glasgow isn't the best place for us, he can come to the States.
I really wish you the best of luck and hope you make the best decision for you   If you want someone to vent to, please pm me.   

I'm really sorry you're unhappy here, KWilkins.     I do hope you'll give it more time and that you'll find someone to talk to who can help you work through your feelings.

I suspect, as others have said, that a change of scene will do you good.  When I first moved here, I really didn't like where we lived.  The flat itself was wonderful, but I didn't "fit" in the city.  It wasn't a nice place to look at and I didn't feel that the people were particularly friendly.  I wasn't working and was totally dependent on DH for everything.  I can't tell you the number of times I packed my suitcases in those first few months! 

After about six months, DH had a job offer from another city and we moved shortly thereafter.  BEST MOVE WE EVER MADE.  I love Newcastle and can't imagine not living here now!  I found a little job after we'd been here about three months and that really helped me find my feet and certainly improved my attitude.  We've been here just over two years and I now have a fantastic job that has improved our financial situation to the point we're able to save and spend as we please.  We're buying a cute little house and we'll be moving in several weeks.

I'm telling you all of this in an attempt to let you know that I've been where you are now and though I wouldn't have believed it at the time, things could and did get better when we moved.  I'm hoping that you and your DH can move once he's finished with his induction.  Perhaps you can look at the time in th meantime as a project.....to think about where you'd like to move, to save, to just enjoy your relationship, etc.

Hugs.   

Just wanted to add my support, kwilkins.  I've been here almost 2 years & I still struggle with things but it has gotten better with time.   I think you're onto something with trying to get some sort of meetup going in the Midlands area!  A couple other brainstorms:  Have you thought about speaking with your hubby's or your family about the financial struggles?  Any possible interim help available there?  Even just a little bit -- petrol money to come home or something?  (My in-laws are just fab to the both of us...which makes up for my all-but absence of parents altogether.)  I know money is tight for the two of you...you've gone from no job to full time at a job you hate.  Any way that you could work fewer hours -- still be having a little bit more money -- but have time to do things you need for you:  looking for other work, freelance writing(?), just getting out for some fresh air (when it warms up! OMG I am freezing here every day).  I don't know if any of this would work for you, but just some ideas any way.