Limboland of belonging

Greetings to you all..
This is my first post at UK Yankee.  I have been familiar with the expats forums for a very long time and just got around to joining this one.  I like reading the different opinions and stories.
My first question to you all is this....Now that you live in England (Or Wales, Scotland Ireland etc)...do you feel that you fit in?
If so, do you still fit in when you visit the states again?

This is just my view...
When I arrived here I was giddy and in love and had not a care in the world.  I assumed that the US and the UK were like cousins.  I did not realize the many differences.
In a few months I learned:
Not to stuff a duvet inside a British washer
Not to use a paper towel to eat off of.
Not to wear white trainers and white socks
Not to admit to not being fond of dogs
Not to complain about having to walk everywhere LOL
My once confident self began to backslide.
I have since spent many months still learning whats cool and whats not.
When I went back to the states for a visit my entire self was in doubt once again.
I kept throwing in Brit terms like bin liners, crisps, biscuits and the occasional "bloody hell"
My relatives said my accent was different and I was out of the loop.  
I could not seem to keep the simplest conversation going.  My friends discussed the latest TV shows and I was at least 6 months behind, they discussed movies that werent out in the UK yet, and everything down to shampoos I had never heard of.
I went to Super Wal Mart and was in awe of the darn laundry detergent aisle.  I drove searching for my fav drive up burger bar only to be confronted with a new Office Max.  The kids wore bright clothes and sneakers.  I didnt know what was "in"
I felt like the girl that just came out of a coma.  My once confidence...drooped.  
It was my home once..and now I felt almost invisible.
I came back to the UK more depressed.  I wasn't happy in either place because I felt odd.  Still, I struggle to fit in.  I live in England but my friends refer to me as the silly American.  My American friends refer to me as "The Briterican"
Its weird trying to find a balance.
Its just about where one is comfortable I guess.  For me, thats still in the states more so then here..which is why we are trying to head back.
I hope that I dont spend hours lost in a super center weeping over the confusion I face in choosing a new detergent.
: )

I think EVERYONE here feels similar to that.  There's so much I'd like to post in response to this.. unfortunately, I'm at work and can't do so right now.  But just know that you're not alone in feeling like this.  (Super Wal-Mart... can I just say, it's so large as to be frightening!!!!)

Greetings to you all..
This is my first post at UK Yankee.  

Welcome!  We hope you'll keep posting!

 My American friends refer to me as "The Briterican"

Sorry, but that's actually pretty funny.  Your friends must be fun people.

I'm sorry I can't really help you, since I'm still here in America.

BUT, I can say that I've read lots of posts by other who have already made the move, and they all said something very similar.
Give it time.  You'll gradually find yourself becoming more and more comfortable.  How long have you been in the UK?

And when are you planning to move back to the US?

I think EVERYONE here feels similar to that.

No offence, Terinth, but I certainly don't feel that way at all.  I am perfectly at home here in England and my recent visit back to the US only strengthened that feeling.  I am well within my comfort zone in a country I've lived in for just over 15 months - but felt completely like a fish out of water in the 'land of my birth.'

Welcome!  We hope you'll keep posting!


Sorry, but that's actually pretty funny.  Your friends must be fun people.

I'm sorry I can't really help you, since I'm still here in America.

BUT, I can say that I've read lots of posts by other who have already made the move, and they all said something very similar.
Give it time.  You'll gradually find yourself becoming more and more comfortable.  How long have you been in the UK?

And when are you planning to move back to the US?

Almost 5 years here now.  I hope to be back next summer.
I seem to read that a good majority are depressed at first here with some of the lucky ones fitting right in.
I guess Im not one of them but I keep trying : )

No offence, Terinth, but I certainly don't feel that way at all.  I am perfectly at home here in England and my recent visit back to the US only strengthened that feeling.  I am well within my comfort zone in a country I've lived in for just over 15 months - but felt completely like a fish out of water in the 'land of my birth.'

Maybe my confidence doesnt travel well : )
I cannot imagine England ever as my true home..to live yes..to spend time...but not in my heart.  Thats not saying I dont fit in because I do not accept it here..as I do..I just have a hard time with change.  You are lucky.

I think EVERYONE here feels similar to that.  There's so much I'd like to post in response to this.. unfortunately, I'm at work and can't do so right now.  But just know that you're not alone in feeling like this.  (Super Wal-Mart... can I just say, it's so large as to be frightening!!!!)

Maybe I should take a tour bus through Wal Mart next time. : )

HI Citrine.  Welcome to UK Yankee.  I hope you keep posting too.  Yes you'll get lots of advice here but you also get lots of people understanding what you are going thru.  I haven't moved over yet.  But I've seen many people write the sort of things you have here.  So in that you aren't alone.

I happen to think not everyone is cut out to live in England (or wherever).  You have given it your all as you said.  You've given it plenty of time (5 years) so what's wrong with moving back to where you feel most happy.  I think it would be harder on you and you would be more unhappy in your life if you continued to stay where you don't want to be.  Life's too short to live where you are not comfortable. 

Isn't it great that you have the freedom to move where ever you like?  Even back home where you need to be now.  Good luck to you Citrine.  

I'm one of those that are confused no matter which country I'm in. I go back to America & love it immediately, but then start remembering the things about it that annoy me (like the news, the concrete jungles, the excess). When I'm back in England I love it immediately, but then start remembering the things about it that annoy me. I feel like I'm in limbo as well... and am not expecting it to get better. It will just be a matter of me accepting my situation as a unique, valuable one - and not an annoyance! I'm taking attitude lessons! But in either place - the US or the UK - I feel like a bit of an outsider at the moment. In the US my family teases me about how my laguage & self has changed (they are nice about it, but still: I'm "different" now), and in the UK (despite living close to a US air force base) I'm "different" as well.

If you'd ask me where I felt most comfortable, my answer would *totally* depend on the day, the direction of the wind, my horoscope, and what color underwear I'm wearing. It seems so random. Some days I can't stand it. Some days I never want to live in the US again. The longer I stay here (I've lived here just shy of a year and a half) the more "home" England feels... but that's because - methinks? - it's where my husband is and where I'm growing this baby. Perhaps I'm nesting!

So.. how's that for a confused, limbo-filled answer?
In other words: You are *so* not alone.
Moving to a new country isn't always the easiest thing in the world.
And having a marriage of 2 countries... sometimes it's hard to know which country wins the title of home. Both physically and emotionally.  

Hi Citrine. I am new to this site as well. Actually I used to read the message boards before I moved over to the UK. (This is a great site with some very nice people).  I've been in England for 7 months (without a PC at home) so this is the first time I have written (I am at work and in the past didn't want to sign on while in the office). Anyway, I have been very unhappy since I have been here. The irony is while still in the states when I saw people's comments on here about not getting used to living in the UK, I passed it off as "I know I won't feel that way". Well I was dead wrong. I have been so depressed at times and while I am busy being miserable I know that I am stressing out my wonderful husband which is very unfair. It seems that I had this naive notion that I was coming to a place that was kinder and gentler. I have found the opposite. My issues are, the extremely high cost of living, the salaries that are 1/2 to 1/3 lower than in the US, the absurb housing market and lastly...people who are not very friendly. I consider myself outgoing but given what I have experienced while walking, shopping or working...my personality (spirit) has diminished. One of the things that is keeping me going is the messages that others have left saying that it does get better. Well I am trying to patiently wait to see if they do. I am trying to focus on the good things....though they are a bit few and far between. Also, I certainly don't want to give up so soon. This is a beautiful country so I am hoping that I can learn to positively deal with this transition. I hope that you can do the same.  

Regards,

Jules

HI Jules welcome to UK Yankee.  Perhaps being in closer contact with others in your situation will help you to settle more.  People that have moved over seem to find comfort in being able to let these feelings out.  Then again your experiences really do help those of us that haven't moved over yet.  I was like you at first thinking I'm going there and will love it everyday sorta thing.  But being here (UK Yankee) has made me realize it's not so simple.  I can't ignore these true life experiences from those of you that have moved over.  I would be foolish in the extreme to not think about what I'm doing.  So if helping me to realize I should take this very seriously and find some support (such as this site) helps you too then I'm very glad you have found your way here.  Thank you for sharing your experiences too.  

Hi Citrine. I am new to this site as well. Actually I used to read the message boards before I moved over to the UK. (This is a great site with some very nice people).  I've been in England for 7 months (without a PC at home) so this is the first time I have written (I am at work and in the past didn't want to sign on while in the office). Anyway, I have been very unhappy since I have been here. The irony is while still in the states when I saw people's comments on here about not getting used to living in the UK, I passed it off as "I know I won't feel that way". Well I was dead wrong. I have been so depressed at times and while I am busy being miserable I know that I am stressing out my wonderful husband which is very unfair. It seems that I had this naive notion that I was coming to a place that was kinder and gentler. I have found the opposite. My issues are, the extremely high cost of living, the salaries that are 1/2 to 1/3 lower than in the US, the absurb housing market and lastly...people who are not very friendly. I consider myself outgoing but given what I have experienced while walking, shopping or working...my personality (spirit) has diminished. One of the things that is keeping me going is the messages that others have left saying that it does get better. Well I am trying to patiently wait to see if they do. I am trying to focus on the good things....though they are a bit few and far between. Also, I certainly don't want to give up so soon. This is a beautiful country so I am hoping that I can learn to positively deal with this transition. I hope that you can do the same.  

Regards,

Jules

I hope that happiness finds you.  For me, well I think its lost under my laundry. : )
Some people catch on so quick, adapt...
Me?  I stand out.  Im myself, but being myself sometimes clashes with whats expected or even normal here.
I feel like an oddball.
Yet in America, where I was once so confident, Im uncertain of the future.
I guess Limboland suits me for now.

I'm one of those that are confused no matter which country I'm in. I go back to America & love it immediately, but then start remembering the things about it that annoy me (like the news, the concrete jungles, the excess). When I'm back in England I love it immediately, but then start remembering the things about it that annoy me. I feel like I'm in limbo as well... and am not expecting it to get better. It will just be a matter of me accepting my situation as a unique, valuable one - and not an annoyance! I'm taking attitude lessons! But in either place - the US or the UK - I feel like a bit of an outsider at the moment. In the US my family teases me about how my laguage & self has changed (they are nice about it, but still: I'm "different" now), and in the UK (despite living close to a US air force base) I'm "different" as well.

If you'd ask me where I felt most comfortable, my answer would *totally* depend on the day, the direction of the wind, my horoscope, and what color underwear I'm wearing. It seems so random. Some days I can't stand it. Some days I never want to live in the US again. The longer I stay here (I've lived here just shy of a year and a half) the more "home" England feels... but that's because - methinks? - it's where my husband is and where I'm growing this baby. Perhaps I'm nesting!

So.. how's that for a confused, limbo-filled answer?
In other words: You are *so* not alone.
Moving to a new country isn't always the easiest thing in the world.
And having a marriage of 2 countries... sometimes it's hard to know which country wins the title of home. Both physically and emotionally.  

Growing a baby (Bless you) is best in England.
Well I say that after the delivery from Hell in the US.  I can say I am never in Limbo when confronted with the better "caring" medical care and cost of having a child.
The NHS is not perfect..but I have yet to meet a nurse or midwife that doesnt truly love their job..it shows
As for the rest, Im afraid Limboland is home.

HI Citrine.  Welcome to UK Yankee.  I hope you keep posting too.  Yes you'll get lots of advice here but you also get lots of people understanding what you are going thru.  I haven't moved over yet.  But I've seen many people write the sort of things you have here.  So in that you aren't alone.

I happen to think not everyone is cut out to live in England (or wherever).  You have given it your all as you said.  You've given it plenty of time (5 years) so what's wrong with moving back to where you feel most happy.  I think it would be harder on you and you would be more unhappy in your life if you continued to stay where you don't want to be.  Life's too short to live where you are not comfortable. 

Isn't it great that you have the freedom to move where ever you like?  Even back home where you need to be now.  Good luck to you Citrine.  

Freedom to move back...yes..indeed it is great
The money to move back..well thats another.  I never realized how complicated it would be.  Luckily I am determined.
Thank you for your welcoming post to me.

Freedom to move back...yes..indeed it is great
The money to move back..well thats another.  I never realized how complicated it would be.  Luckily I am determined.
Thank you for your welcoming post to me.

Pulling up roots and moving to another country leaves most people questioning their decision to do so at some point, thats only human nature,and sometimes the lure of memory leaves others thinking the grass is always greener. From my personal experience living in both countries over the last 30 years Iv'e now come to realize that's human nature too. Problem is, sometimes that memory and reality are miles apart. Planning on moving back there sometime next year for the final time, this decision will be based more on reality than expectation knowing what I know about the differences in culture and lifestyle, and yeah...there is a difference...even though we speak the same language America and England are vastly different. Living there the first time back in the late 60's/early 70's I fell in love with the "over the hills and far away" pop culture mystique and the simple way of life which at the time was'nt all that different from my own up-bringing back in Boston. I left in '72 only to return again in '75 for a few more years because I had satisfied my notion that things really were'nt any different back in the States and because my memory would'nt let me settle. After almost 30 years it still has'nt and so here I am making plans to do it all over again. I guess the point I'm trying to make is, the grass IS'NT always greener like sometimes the mind would have us think but whether it's here or there it's your heart you have to listen to instead, rather than anything else.