it's over ...I am going home

My partner and I made the decision last night that things are not working out and that it is best for me to go back to the States as soon as I can get a decent flight.

Bottom line: he feels too pressured to make a commitment because of the long distance aspect of our relationship. He feels like he has to make a decision NOW on whether we are right long term...and he is not prepared/ready to do that.
In a way it sounds like a cop out to me...but I respect his decision and have agreed that under the circumstances staying here knowing he feels this way would only make matters worse.

I wish someone could explain to him that we are not the first couple to face separation because of immigration issues...
I wish there was a way to make him understand there is long term hope and other solutions besides marrying me just so I can be legal to work here.

Really just confused and sad right now...
thanks for listening

i'm so sorry things could not be worked out between you.

it takes 2 very strong people willing to give a lot of time and effort and commitment to make a long distance relationship work. You may both have had that, but it also takes faith....something which they don't seem to have enough of right now.

wish i could do something to help.  :/

So sorry.  It is a hard commitment to make.  R and I broke up once before deciding to go for it.  Hugs.

Very sorry to hear....I am sure this is a difficult time for you.  Don't lose hope. 

So sorry for you. But the other posters are right -- don't give up. I know you guys haven't been together for very long at all, so maybe you just need more time to get to know each other before making the plunge into living together. There's email, skype, webcams, etc. I know it's not the same as actually being together, but it might give you the chance to learn more about each other. Then when you visit again, things might be completely different and moving in together will seem like the absolute right thing for both of you.

You're right that a lot of couples on UKY have gone through similar things, and some have moved in together very quickly. But I think they're the exception, rather than the rule. From what I've read here, most of them have put in a lot of time and effort (as Aimiloo said) to make things work. It's never easy.

Don't give up!

Hey really sorry to hear this sad news.

Is there any chance you could 'bring him' in here? Maybe if could just chat or even just read some of the postings, he would find most people in here that had problems do get them worked out and so he knows he is not alone.

Hope things work out.

I am very sorry to hear this.  I wish you the best, and the shoulders of many close friends.  Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk.

Sending you good thoughts. I agree with everyone in that these things sometimes take longer than we like but are worth working for. Hang in there!

Wait and see. He may find the flipside is true, when you go home: without you, he's lonely and cross.

Thanks everybody ...I am hoping that some time and distance might make things clearer for us both.
I know I will want to keep in touch with him and hope that he agrees to do this. (last night he was so upset that he wanted to cut off all ties.)

I also know that I need to make things work and am willing to allow him this fear and doubt. I would be lying if I said I had not felt exactly the same at times.

As I wrote elsewhere, what will be will be.

"If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't...it never was"  (I can't remember who said that but it feels very true right now).

I know from reading all your responses that I am not alone.
And I have suggested that he come here to read what others have gone through. I do not know how he will ultimately respond to that but...there is hope.

Thanks again

I'm really sorry to hear this.   

I know it has been a bit of struggle for you two - the thought of seperation can be so overwhelming sometimes that it becomes more important than the here-and-now relationship.  Try to keep the attitude that things will work out as they are meant to - I hope that in the end you are both happy.

Up4Tea, I'm really sorry to hear this. I find the best answer can be handle with prayer. Stay strong and remember why you love another.

I'm really sorry...

I hope things work out for you the way you want them too. Give him time...maybe when you do leave he'll realize what he's missing. You've been there so long...it can't be that easy for him to just say I never want to see you again with you still there. When you've actually gone it will hit home to him...

*hugs*

Sending you positive thoughts....

Im very sorry *hugs* The pps have given you good advice...dont give up hope...my df almost decided he couldnt do the LD thing if we didnt see a light at the end of the tunnel, but he decided right away he couldnt give up on us, I am so glad he didnt....

Its incredibly hard and I cant say what its like to live together for a good chunk of time yet, as I am leaving wednesday but I know I will have a lot of adjusting to do. Plus we're having a baby, hes becoming a daddy for the first time, and it took awhile to sink in I dont think it fully has yet.

It takes a lot of work too, and both sides have to be willing to invest the blood sweat and tears (figuretive blood of course ) to make things work.  I really wish I could say more...just hang in there and take it one day at a time. Hopefully he will realize he cant stand to be without you, even if hes not quite ready to live together.

No matter what happens you have the support of everyone here to help you get through this rought time.

*hugs* take care