Hi there...

Well, I'm not married nor am I engaged, but I desperately want to be. Me and Al have been together for almost 4 years. He lived in the US for 3 year (2 of which we lived together), but then he finished school and went back home. We've been doing the long distance thing for about a year and a half.

I'm trying to convince him to elope sometime in May, that way I can plan to be living in the UK by next Christmas, so far nothing. But who knows, I'll be seeing at the end of Feb.

Anywho, for those of you doing the long distance thing, are you finding it as difficult as me? How did you cope in between the visits? Did you give any "ultimatums"?

Any input would be appreciated.

-alzbabybird   :'(

Hi Alzbabybird,  I'm doing the long distance thing.  I am engaged though.  Getting married in April of 04.  Chris and I do have a tough time between visits.  The longest so far has been 9 months.  But that will end on Wednesday!  Basically I think we take each day as a day to build a foundation between us.  We talk everyday on the phone.  Even if its only for a few minutes.  This gels us together and cements the bond - at least we think so.  We know all those little details cause we speak so frequently.  Isn't there a saying - Life is in the details.  Maybe it will help if you look at your time apart as a time to build your future.  Being the best of friends that can rely on each other thru the good and the bad will help to ensure that your relationship is for the long term.

Best of luck to you Alzbabybird.

 Hiya Alzbabybird,

 Welcome to UKY You will find that alot of people here has gone through the same thing you are going through.So you are not alone in your feelings one bit.

 Yes it  can be very difficult to be away from the man/woman that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with,esp when they are 8000 miles away
 Hang in there hun as you know in your heart that you love this man,and this will be worth it in the end
Coping can be tricky at times,but you just have to keep telling yourself what I said in the last sentence.Being able to talk to him and sharing your frustration can ease your mind too.

What do you mean by "ultimatums"? I sense alot of your frustration is directed towards your Fiance.Do you feel that he is not as commited in making a more permanent step in your relationship?

 I do wish you the best of luck,and remember that we are here to listen,and help hopefully in some small way.
                           
                             Rhia
 

I am super frustrated!!! AArrrgghhh....I love him, BUT!!! It's so hard to have faith when no definite plans have been made.

He's not ready and not because he doesn't love me, but because of the typical man reasons. "He's doesn't have money saved" "we wouldn't have a house" yada yada...it's just really hard right now.

Thanks for the positive comments.

 Your very welcome.Yeppers it sounds like the typical man

 Maybe its time for YOU to get the ball rolling so to speak,some times it just takes a bit of a push,by showing someone you mean business

     You know what I mean?
   
           

Well...I already tried that. He's not much of a take charge kind of person, and I don't mind being the leader...i mean organizer *wink* but unfortunately this sort of thing needs to be a joint effort and until he's ready...Here I stay in lonely los angeles.

Oh, Danielle, this sounds SO familiar!

Phil was the same way - no money, no house, what about the (my) boys' education/friends/family/way of life...

It wasn't that he wasn't as committed to the relationship - and it certainly wasn't because he didn't love me as much as I love him.  And I have to admit to more than one emotional phone call in which I was ready to sack it all in because he wouldn't just drop everything and marry me so we could be together.

But with a blending of my insistance that it would be so much easier to *struggle* together than continue being apart waiting for the perfect moment - and his insistance on making sure some things were planned to the nth degree, we made it happen when it was right for both of us.

And that's what will happen for you, too.  It's a bigger step, taking these long-distance relationships to the "final" level, because so much more is riding on it.

So take a deep breath and think of the things you can plan on your own.  Because maybe once it doesn't seem like such a Herculean task, Al will get caught up in the planning and want to join in!



You know you can PM me anytime you need!