safely back in Florida (ramblings)

Apart from Uber Yank's suggestion of not even talking to him, the only thing I can think of is that if he is ringing you, he might have something he wants to say to you.  I'd maybe just try listening first to see if he's calling for a specific reason.  It's just a thought, and you know him better than we could, but that's my 2 cents.

He may have something to say to you, or he may feel guilty for what he has done and checking in with you is a way to ease his guilt.  I'd know; the same thing happened to me.  You don't have to answer the phone, you don't have to answer the e-mail right away if you don't want to.

It's the decent thing to do to let the other party know you got home ok, or for him to ring or e-mail and ask if you got home ok and express well wishes, but keeping you on a string is not.  He may be doing this without even realizing it.

You need time to grieve back home, settle back in, find your "new normal" or return to a normal you once knew.  And it takes time...I'm only beginning to fall back into my pattern of normalcy and it's taken a few months.  Only then can it be clear whether or not the reasons that brought you together in the first place have the possibility for holding up in the future, but by this time (hopefully) you'll see how you've moved on.

I am feeling very sad and lonely tonite and will apologize in advance but I am interpreting some of these replies as very negative and angry and bitter (?)

I get the impression some of you think we broke up.   We haven't.   We (well more HE at first and then I agreed) decided it was necessary to take a break to determine how we really felt about each other and whether we wanted to continue as a couple.  I know that I do.   Yes we have issues.   I think if we both decide we are committed to one another's happiness, they are not insurmountable ones.

As for the phone calls and emails..we agreed before I ever left to keep in touch and see how we feel. This was HIS choice and I figured since I told him he was not obligated, by doing so he is telling me he does want to maintain our link.
I do not want to pressure him.   I've only been gone 5 days.
But I am missing him immensely and I want to know when I am going to see him again.
Only I am afraid to ask...

just babbling now...

Sorry to hear you're feeling upset tonight.  I think people are a bit confused about what your situation actually is because you sound a bit confused yourself.  I really don't think anyone is trying to sound angry or bitter.  A lot of people have been through similar situations, some of which worked out well and some that perhaps didn't seem to work out so well at the time.  Hope you're feeling better and a bit more centered soon.  Best of luck to you...these things have a way of working themselves out in the end, although getting there can be a bit of a rough ride at times!

I know. As I said, it was a rough day, I'm tired and confused and sad...

I just feel like I need to make a move, a decision...find something out...NOW.
I am no good at waiting and not knowing.
I don't want to lose what started out as such an amazing gift (our relationship).
But I also don't know what to say or do right now.

I just like to post when I am feeling "needy"
and it also helps me sort thru my "stuff"

have a good night (day?)

Uncertainty really sucks....

Sorry you're having to deal w/it.  Hope things are better soon...

Maybe for you, this is a way of teaching you patience...  In my own experience, I've found it is better to wait and let things unfold naturally than to force them.  You don't know where this relationship will lead so just let it happen.  you don't have any control over what he does but you have control over what you do.  Tell him how you feel (put it out there) and then wait to let him figure it out for himself. 

That, and  keep busy.  Don't let this get you too down.  Good Luck!

I get the impression some of you think we broke up.   We haven't.   We (well more HE at first and then I agreed) decided it was necessary to take a break to determine how we really felt about each other and whether we wanted to continue as a couple. 

'Breaking up' and 'taking a break' sound to me like the same thing. 

'Breaking up' and 'taking a break' sound to me like the same thing. 

I think I'd be inclined to see it that way out of self-preservation, so that I could start moving on. 

Hope it works out for you. 

I think the best thing you can do now is just go on with life.  I'm not say move on as in forget about him, as I don't think you can at this point.  I think you just need to take one day at a time and see how it goes.  Also realize that if this is meant to be it will work out.  If not, your life will go on and you'll be fine.

I know it's hard now and I do hope it works out.  I wish I could say more to help.....

Hang in there!!!

okay...I really do hear what you are all saying BUT

how do I get on with my life while I am waiting for him to make up his mind about whether to pursue the relationship?
How can I keep loving him, holding him dear, emailing him and speaking to him on the phone without knowing whether we are together or apart?
Should I think of him as a friend? He still calls me sweetie... He says he wants to see me again...but that he doesn't know if he wants  to marry me.

How long do I let myself feel loneliness and longing for him?

And if I act as if we are no longer a couple, what do I do when he decides he DOES still want to try???

There was (is) so much good in our relationship! It just feels like such a shame to let go of the best partner I ever had! Esp. when there is still hope!

But I do not know how to be "together" when we are apart...esp. not knowing if he is on the same page!

to be honest, if I were you I'd cut out contact for a little while, just to get some space and help clear your head.  It might help him clarify exactly what he wants/needs out of the relationship- it's not fair to you to be stuck in limbo like this.  It'll also distance you from the emotional rollercoaster a little bit, and give you enough space to get back into your routines and get on with your life.

Why wait for him to make up his mind? What do you really want? Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't know if he wants to be with you? I was in an on-and-off-again relationship for almost 4 years(with an American), and the whole time the guy was never sure if he wanted to date me or not. It was really awful. I only want to date someone who wants to love me back, who knows that he does. Maybe you guys should go a few weeks without talking...give yourselves time to sort out what you feel for each other.

I am sorry if you feel that I was being negative up4tea, I really didn't mean it that way.  I think it's fair to say that we are all concerned for your well-being, and some of us do not want to see you get strung along, and hurt.  But, exactly the oppsite can happen too.  And I really hope that you will be happy.  I think what new york new york said about taking it one day at a time is important.  I can sympathize with you though, because I don't like waiting either.  And I especially hate sitting there while a guy makes up his mind (it's happened a few times). I just want to wish you all the best, and hope that you feel supported more than anything.   

Have you considered keeping a private, handwritten journal that accounts your feelings?  That's not to discourage you from posting here--by all means, keep doing so!  We want to listen and help!--but in your private journal you can be as happy, sad, nasty, or kind as you want to be about your thoughts towards this relationship.  I've done it (well, typed it on the computer!) but it helped immensely.  Looking back on how I felt at the beginning of the relationship, the middle, the end, and the aftermath, I especially see what thoughts were just, and what others were silly even if they didn't seem so at the time.  It has brought me a great deal of clarity.

Another thing that does wonders...go do something now, today, something that you know will make you happy, preferably something not having to do with your guy.  For me, it's being close to nature, and photography.  Nothing brings me more instant joy and comfort than walking around a beautiful garden filled with flowers and butterflies and taking pictures I can frame.  What's your thing that makes you happy?

P.S.  Feel free to peruse my photo gallery if you want...it's linked here, just click on the little earth to the left.  Maybe you'll find something there that makes you smile, even if only for a little while?