safely back in Florida (ramblings)

It just feels like such a shame to let go of the best partner I ever had! Esp. when there is still hope!

Point of fact is YOU didn't let HIM go, HE let YOU go in suggesting a break.  Now you need to do the same.

Why wait for him to make up his mind?  Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't know if he wants to be with you?

I'm sure you're worth more than this ...

I am feeling very sad and lonely tonite and will apologize in advance but I am interpreting some of these replies as very negative and angry and bitter (?)

I get the impression some of you think we broke up.   We haven't.   We (well more HE at first and then I agreed) decided it was necessary to take a break to determine how we really felt about each other and whether we wanted to continue as a couple.  I know that I do.   Yes we have issues.   I think if we both decide we are committed to one another's happiness, they are not insurmountable ones.

As for the phone calls and emails..we agreed before I ever left to keep in touch and see how we feel. This was HIS choice and I figured since I told him he was not obligated, by doing so he is telling me he does want to maintain our link.
I do not want to pressure him.   I've only been gone 5 days.
But I am missing him immensely and I want to know when I am going to see him again.
Only I am afraid to ask...

just babbling now...

First of all, my reply to you was not bitter, nor was it negative.  I can only go by what you post and from that I have gotten the impression that you are more interested in a relationship than he is.  That's not how it should be.  I'm just being honest, which is sometimes hard to do yourself if you are in the relationship.

By the above post I can almost guarantee that you two have broken-up, but you just don't know about it.  If he wanted to take a break to determine how you feel about each other and see if you should be a couple, its obvious to me that was an easy way for him to get out of the relationship and let you go easily.  I bet you dont' want to be on a break...am I right?

Needless to say...supposedly you two are on a break, but you are not acting like you are.  Stop waiting for him to call and get on with your life!  Good luck.

I just wanted to explain that sometimes when I post it is a form of thinking out loud...trying to process thru all the conflicting thoughts and feelings

I do read all the replies. I appreciate everyone that takes a minute of their day to come in and support, encourage, advise...

I also want to admit that sometimes I think I am better off without him...even though I do love him, even though we had such a good connection in the beginning...even though I miss him like crazy.

I just don't think I am ready to be the one to make this decision.  I somehow need to cling to my hope for awhile longer, I guess.

anyway thanks again

okay...I really do hear what you are all saying BUT

how do I get on with my life while I am waiting for him to make up his mind about whether to pursue the relationship?
How can I keep loving him, holding him dear, emailing him and speaking to him on the phone without knowing whether we are together or apart?
Should I think of him as a friend? He still calls me sweetie... He says he wants to see me again...but that he doesn't know if he wants  to marry me.

How long do I let myself feel loneliness and longing for him?

And if I act as if we are no longer a couple, what do I do when he decides he DOES still want to try???

There was (is) so much good in our relationship! It just feels like such a shame to let go of the best partner I ever had! Esp. when there is still hope!

But I do not know how to be "together" when we are apart...esp. not knowing if he is on the same page!

I thought you BOTH wanted a break?  I'm sorry, maybe its because I have my period, but this guy sound like an a**hole.  He's leading you on and he is NOT a gentleman.  You deserve better than a scumbag who KNOWS how you feel but strings you along.  
If he is the best partner you ever had, I feel sorry for you.  If I were you I'd stop speaking to him all together.

First of all, my reply to you was not bitter, nor was it negative.  I can only go by what you post and from that I have gotten the impression that you are more interested in a relationship than he is.  That's not how it should be.  I'm just being honest, which is sometimes hard to do yourself if you are in the relationship.

By the above post I can almost guarantee that you two have broken-up, but you just don't know about it.  If he wanted to take a break to determine how you feel about each other and see if you should be a couple, its obvious to me that was an easy way for him to get out of the relationship and let you go easily.  I bet you dont' want to be on a break...am I right?

Needless to say...supposedly you two are on a break, but you are not acting like you are.  Stop waiting for him to call and get on with your life!  Good luck.

repeating some explanations...

It was HIS idea to take the break...but it came about because he thought I wanted him to make a marriage decision, which was not the case.
Then WE decided that because I had to come back to the States 4 May anyway, maybe it would be best if I left sooner since after that discussion all I did was cry, and I had been feeling homesick.

He said if I lived in the UK he would want to continue dating me, and ONLY me, on a steady basis. But he was not ready to have me living with him and dependant on him (which was the case).  And again, because I live 3000 miles away, we thought he should take some time to figure out if he wanted a serious live in relationship so we know what to do if/when I come back.

He told me he definately wants to see me again. He told me he loves me. And HE made the decision to continue emailing and calling each other!
THAT is why I just don't get it!

repeating some explanations...

It was HIS idea to take the break...but it came about because he thought I wanted him to make a marriage decision, which was not the case.
Then WE decided that because I had to come back to the States 4 May anyway, maybe it would be best if I left sooner since after that discussion all I did was cry, and I had been feeling homesick.

He said if I lived in the UK he would want to continue dating me, and ONLY me, on a steady basis. But he was not ready to have me living with him and dependant on him (which was the case).  And again, because I live 3000 miles away, we thought he should take some time to figure out if he wanted a serious live in relationship so we know what to do if/when I come back.

He told me he definately wants to see me again. He told me he loves me. And HE made the decision to continue emailing and calling each other!
THAT is why I just don't get it!

Oh, I feel for you.  This is exactly how my relationship with my ex-boyfriend started going down the tubes.  Things just got more and more uncertain, he used the distance as an excuse ("Well, if you still lived here we wouldn't be having these problems!"), wasn't sure about the relationship but still acted incredibly affectionate...along with a whole host of other stuff.  Needless to say, it didn't end well, but I'm much better off now without him anyway   I'm not saying that's how your relationship will go (although, admittedly it doesn't look good from what you've written here) but I wanted to say I can empathize.

thanks amarylis...

I know it will work out exactly as it should

I am admittedly just in a hurry to know how that will be

I HATE being in limbo!

"He told me he definately wants to see me again. He told me he loves me. And HE made the decision to continue emailing and calling each other!
THAT is why I just don't get it!"

Sounds to me like this could be a case of having his cake and eating it too...   

Having never been in a long distance relationship quite like this my idea might not be appropriate (and you may have already discussed it with him) - but could you just ask him if he will continue dating you exclusively?  I mean, your dates will obviously occur on the phone or over the internet rather than in real life.  But if he loves you and wants to stay in contact and wants to see you again and is only confused because he isn't ready to marry - can't you continue dating?

to be honest, if I were you I'd cut out contact for a little while, just to get some space and help clear your head.  It might help him clarify exactly what he wants/needs out of the relationship- it's not fair to you to be stuck in limbo like this.  It'll also distance you from the emotional rollercoaster a little bit, and give you enough space to get back into your routines and get on with your life.

Very wise advice indeed.  I couldn't agree more.

He said if I lived in the UK he would want to continue dating me, and ONLY me, on a steady basis. But he was not ready to have me living with him and dependant on him (which was the case).  And again, because I live 3000 miles away, we thought he should take some time to figure out if he wanted a serious live in relationship so we know what to do if/when I come back.

This speaks volumes, b/c he knows that the only way for you to stay in the UK is to get married.  Unless you take on loads of debt becoming a student and/or job retraining.  How fair is that?  Visas and stuff like that are part and parcel of international relationships.

My husband knew we needed to get married to stay here.  He was sure he wanted us to be togther no matter what.  So HE stood up and was a man about it and suggested we stop faffing, get down the Registry and get married. 

When someone really and truly wants to be with you, they're not going to let a visa stand in the way.

I mean, your dates will obviously occur on the phone or over the internet rather than in real life.  But if he loves you and wants to stay in contact and wants to see you again and is only confused because he isn't ready to marry - can't you continue dating?

What a way to get right to the heart of what really matters here.  Long-distance relationships simplified- I love it!

When someone really and truly wants to be with you, they're not going to let a visa stand in the way.

Yes, yes, and YES.

What a way to get right to the heart of what really matters here.  Long-distance relationships simplified- I love it!

But, that's not a real relationship....its the easy way out of dealing with the truth, which is...for them to have a REAL life relationship, they'll need to get married.  If he isn't interested in that, then she needs to find someone else, because there is no way around it (unless she wants to go to uni there and have a lot of debt).