What is this anxiety?

What is this anxiety that grips us before we travel?   

I won’t go too much into the backstory, but last year I had been dating a guy from the UK, locally, in my city.  During this time, we discussed my visiting him there after he returned, and also a return visit for him during this year.  At the time of those discussions, we were still a couple; our relationship has since ended, but our planned visits are to go ahead anyway.  We are still friendly with each other, speaking usually 2-3x a week, at least.

Five weeks from this very moment,  I’ll likely be landing in London to meet this someone whom I have not seen in what will be over six months.   And I am terrified.

I find myself feeling angry, with him, with the situation, with the distance.  How am I going to feel upon seeing him?  How will he feel upon seeing me?  Do I open up to him about some concerns I have about this trip before I go, or do I go and cross bridges as I get to them?  I feel like I am losing my mind.   

A part of me feels like I can’t go through with this, yet another big, more boisterous part tells me that I should—I may miss something important.  Then another voice tells me to get real and question my motives for going, and what were his motives for encouraging our visits to go ahead.  I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t something inside of me that is hoping against hope that we could get back together, and I don’t know if I can deal with the maelstrom of emotions I may encounter while there. 

Why do I feel so crazy when really, I’m not?  I know these anxieties are normal, but why do they not feel normal?

It sounds like maybe they're anxieties from your uncertainties of what may happen.  If that's the case, it's completely understandable.  I say just go and enjoy your trip without any expectations other than to have a good time, and whatever happens is meant to be.

I had that too when I went at Christmas to see df.  I was so nervous because I had not seen him for a while either.  I told him that I was excited, but really nervous.  He made sure to pick me up from Manchester, and he was awesome about it, he got me coffee, had the train schedule sorted so he could just get me on the train to York.  I was really worried about his expectations too, so I kind of prepped him to not expect much, because I was nervous about seeing him again when it had been a while.  Talking on the phone and through email and im is one thing, but trusting that person to pick you up from the airport, and to look after you while you are there can make you nervous if you aren't used to relying on someone else.  I know I'm really independent for the most part, and that's what made me nervous!  You should just go and not look back and worry if you did the right thing (if you are prone to that).  If nothing else, you'll get a vaca in England!  Best of luck, and I really hope this helps.  It was meant to be supportive!

Have a good vacation!  I'm assuming that there were good reasons why you broke up.  Think about it, f those reasons are still valid, then go with the intention of absolutely NOT getting back into anything.  Even if you think things might have changed I would probably still go over without any intentions other than having fun.  If something happens when you're there, then that's fine, but if not you've mentally prepared for it.  Maybe if you're sure of your plan you'll feel more relaxed.

I know how you feel...well the whole anxiety part. I havent' seen adam in well over a year and am terrified. I'm making myself sick just thinking about it and I've got 11 days left.

Anyway...I'd say go...but go without any kind of hope of getting together. Go to have fun and see another country. If something happens then you'll be pleasently suprised and if not then there's nothing to be disappointed about. It's the only way you can protect yourself in an emotional aspect. You don't want to go with all these high hopes and come back broken hearted because then you'll remember your trip as something bad...

I hope you feel better though and I know you'll have a great time. Just take it day by day...from now until you go and even once you're there.

*HUGS*

What is this anxiety that grips us before we travel?   

Five weeks from this very moment,  I’ll likely be landing in London to meet this someone whom I have not seen in what will be over six months.   And I am terrified.

Couple cocktails when you get on the plane and a nice long snooze, you'll be fine when you get off that plane and see him waiting!!!

Thank you all for your supportive replies!

I resolved sometime ago to not really expect anything from this, yet be prepared for anything that could happen.  I also had a talk with my friend this morning...and it turns out, his anxieties are much the same as mine.  It is a relief to know that we are in the same boat, and communicating about how we feel will be important and can be done without thinking the other is nuts!

i'd just treat it as a holiday w/a free place to stay in london w/a mate.  i mean, you broke up?  it's in the past now.  time to focus on the future.  who knows, you may meet someone else to have fun w/whilst here?  perhaps he has lovely mates to introduce you to.   

if i didn't feel comfortable staying w/someone, though, b/c of our shared past, i don't think i'd ruin a perfectly good trip w/bad feelings.  think i'd find somewhere else to stay, tbh. 

just my 2p, of course.

It sounds like maybe they're anxieties from your uncertainties of what may happen.  If that's the case, it's completely understandable.  I say just go and enjoy your trip without any expectations other than to have a good time, and whatever happens is meant to be.

I agree.
Try to just enjoy travelling in the UK. Think of him as a friend. Try to let go of expectations.
I can tell you from personal experience, it makes things A LOT easier!

good luck!

but trusting that person to pick you up from the airport, and to look after you while you are there can make you nervous if you aren't used to relying on someone else.  I know I'm really independent for the most part, and that's what made me nervous!

very valid point. I am a strong proponent of "plan b."

I went to visit a Dutch friend I met while traveling. He invited me but warned he had just gotten back with his girlfriend. She knew about how we met and last minute told him I couldn't stay at his place. I was in London staying with another friend and got his email hours before I was to fly out. I wasn't too happy but we worked it out and I got his place and he crashed with a friend (and I had a credit card handy just in case.) I met the girlfriend later. She is tall blonde and gorgeous but very funny how the jealousy made her ugly. 

very valid point. I am a strong proponent of "plan b."

...last minute told him I couldn't stay at his place. I was in London staying with another friend and got his email hours before I was to fly out. I wasn't too happy but we worked it out and I got his place...

Yes.  There is a "plan b" in place and two credit cards that will be traveling with me if I need to make an exit or find my own accomodation.  I don't have a feeling that it will come to that, but it's good to know that I'll be safe on my own if need be.

What I quoted, I worry about myself.  I strongly feel there's not another woman in the picture, but I haven't asked, he hasn't volunteered, nor have I volunteered any information about that aspect of my life currently.  I can say with confidence though that if I were dating someone else I wouldn't be going on this trip--it wouldn't be fair.

It will be important to me, at least, to talk about the anxieties I (rather, we, because he's anxious like me)  have before I set foot on that plane.  Better done here in the safety of my home rather than 4000 miles away.

Better done here in the safety of my home rather than 4000 miles away.

right!

There's got to be some serious trust issues if you're making a plan b just incase the person doesn't show up to pick you up. If you think that before going...why go? 

There's got to be some serious trust issues if you're making a plan b just incase the person doesn't show up to pick you up. If you think that before going...why go? 

Self-preservation! Always have a Plan B!

Self-preservation! Always have a Plan B!

I hear ya!  I'm old enough to have learned this lesson the hard way.