How did/do you deal with the distance?

Sorry, I'm not sure if I've put this in the right section or not.

Since a lot of you are either now in (or were in) an international relationship, how did you deal with the huge distance apart? How often did you get to see one another, and how did you make it work? (Or for some of you, why didn't it work?)

Sorry if that's too personal!

Phone calls..lots of them. Especially when I had to go back for my visa while pregnant, we'd talk for hours everyday.
Before we decided for me to move here,we talked on the phone as well but also on yahoo messenger so we could see each other on webcams. We only spent 3 months max apart each time I had to go back

What do I do to deal with the huge distance between us? Well there is not a lot I can do at the moment. I just try to focus on the time we do get to spend together and have a time frame in mind of when I will see him again. It's hard, that is an understatement. Honestly one of  the hardest things I have ever had to do is to walk away. Saying goodbye over and over to someone you care so much about is heart wrenching. But seeing them again after time apart is the best feeling in the world. I wish I had an easy answer. All I can say is make the most of the time you do get to spend together and focus on that. I live with the hope that someday we will just be able to be together without a goodbye looming in the distance.

Well, Sam and I talk mostly on MSN where we can type or have voice chats.  Hearing each other means a lot.  We do talk on the phone and txt quite a bit.  I went over in Dec of 04 and she was here for 3 months last year.  It will be well over a year before I see her again, but (and this is what keeps me going) the next time I do, we won't have to do a tearful goodbye at the airport ever again.  We are first going on holiday here, and then my daughter and I will going over with her....permanently.

There's no cure all for how to handle the distance.  Each couple is different.  Sometimes I think Sam and I are rather odd because we've been able to hold it together without as much pond hopping as other couples have done.  Don't get me wrong, if I had the resources (stupid low paying job  ) I would be in the UK like every few months!!!  They couldn't keep me away lol.  And if there was any chance of being able to move sooner, I would.  But I can't seem to talk dd into Euro-Disney. 

It's hard.  There are silly arguments because we both are frustrated with the situation.  And because things can be very easily mistunderstood over the internet/txt msgs.  Speaking for myself, sometimes I get jealous of my friends who don't realize how lucky they are that they get to wake up next to the person they love every single day.  And I get frustrated with friends that don't understand what this situation is like and therefore don't understand what I am going through.  There's more, but you get the idea.  That's where this site comes in.  It's a great place to lean on, because almost everyone here has been there. 

Above all I try to think about it like this:  All the trials and tribulations we are going through now are worth it, because soon....the reward will be ours.  And that's all that matters.  (Living in the most amazing country in the world helps as well  )

My husband and I did a year apart before we were married - 6 months, 3 months, 3 months.  This time we will be apart for 5 and half month.  It helps because I always knew the definate end date of both of our seperations. 

This time is harder for me than the last time.  We talk on the phone for an hour a day ($0.022 per minute with OneSuite).  We email once or twice per day.  And I try to post photos for him on Snapfish everyday so that he can see me and the pets.  I started compiling the photos into little scrapbook pages that I have printed at Kinko's and mail to him.  One set per month.  It will serve as a nice reminder of what we've been through. 

We also chose a goal to work towards for when we see each other next.  We promised to have muscles.    Working out is good for my moods, but knowing that I'm doing it for our reunion makes it easier to get off my butt and get it done.  It gives me something to focus on (instead of how much I hate cardio). 

Neither of us could afford phone calls more than about once a week. So we used instant messenger a lot. Not sure if it's still possible but we also used this thing on hotmail where he could send texts to my American cell phone from the computer to avoid international texting charges - we used that all the time.

We saw each other roughly about once every 4 or 5 months or so I'd say, though sometimes it was more often and sometimes less.

Me and my fiance have been spending the last year apart (me in the UK and him in the US) and my webcam has been a godsend!!  I'm a student and was getting ridiculously big phone bills from talking to him so much...but we now use webcam, with microphones so you get to hear each other and see each other.

We've also been lucky in that the time in between us seeing each other has only been 3 months each time.

The other thing is the occasional letter...even though by the time it got there I'd normally told him everything in it anyway...its always nice to get a letter. Or the occasional surprise e-card, or email to let yor SO that you are thinking of them.

I also try adn keep myself busy (which has been ok, as Im in my final year of my degree). I also have a countdown which helps to see the number of days go down.

However we've always known that it would just be around a year that wewould have to be apart so its helped having a goal...we only have to get through so many more months etc.

Keeping yourself busy is the best thing that I found.  OH, NO - Finding this forum was the BEST thing.   

I've been much happier knowing I'm not alone and that others have gone through and are going through what I am.  It justifies my feelings. 

We are pretty lucky...we see each other about every 6 weeks or less.  Mostly because he has to travel to the US for work so he stops over here on his way to the mid-west.  Our trips are usually the last minute and short, but I'd rather see him for 3 days then not at all!

We do speak almost every day...sometimes just for 5 minutes to say good-night.  We text a lot.  I definitely send more cards and emails.

AOL  im was  a given.. that happened like clockwork which meant we had to work out  the time difference..him early mornings..me late nights.. then when it got closer to the  wedding  it was  a lot of phone calls..  the longest we stayed apart from physically seeing each other was about 4 months but  we didn't   have  a  long courtship  in the  grand  scheme of things..it just felt llike it i guess..

My fiance and I were apart for 5 months and I visited him halfway through the waiting period for one week.  We called each other every day (we have the voiceover IP system) and chatted online with a webcam.  It was still hard, but it was nice to have contact everyday.

We spent way too much time on the phone, bills were outrageous, but we also spent ages on MSN Messenger.  We met online and two months later i flew over for a week.  Then back for 3 months, then flew over again for two weeks and once i got back we couldn't stand it.  He flew over two weeks after i got back and has been here ever since.  We got married last month and have a baby on the way.  So it can and does work out.  We are strong together because of what we went  through to get here.

The only consolation we had was that once were together, it would be for life and we both feel that way.  Talk as much as you can, keep yourself busy with things that you like to do for you, go out with friends, pamper yourself whenever you can, send things back and forth via regular mail whenever you can and talk to each other about it when it gets bad.  There were days that were so hard, i felt like i didn't even want to get out of bed and there would be days that we were both ok.  Try as much as you can to plan visits even if they are a ways off because it gives you something to count down towards.  It's not an easy thing, this LDR, but it is worth it.  I couldn't have done it without UKY and the people on here that have been through it before.  Good luck and know you are definately not alone.

We had a 4 month LDR before e-mail and when long distance was really expensive.  We wrote pages and pages of letters which I still have, and we talked on the phone once a week.  We saw each other at thanksgiving (Oct in Canada) and then at Christmas. We knew LDR wasn't for us and I transferred schools mid year to be with him in January.  We just kept busy, wrote lots - writing became a journal of sorts, and was immensely therapeutic for both of us.  We mailed the letters at least once a week.

He was absolutely miserable because he was all alone, in a place where he knew no one.  I was home with all our family and friends.  It was hell and I hated every minute of it. 

We did it again when I was pregnant with our first.  He stayed behind and I moved.  that was worse because I lived with my parents for a month.  I think we were apart for 2 months and he finally came home when his grandma died. 

NEVER AGAIN!

Ditto with what everyone else has said about various im programs.  I am really missing it right now because I no longer have internet at home.  So tomorrow is dinner at Panera with Wi-Fi.  We also talk on the phone everyday since he left here in March.  It's so sad, but he's on American time, practically and so we go to sleep talking to each other on the phone each night.  Definitely helpful!   

My sweetie and I were together for two years before we met in person. There were a lot of letters and ecards sent, phone calls made, phone cards bought..lol. When we could afford to, we sent each other little "care packages" with little trinkets and letters, e.t.c.. We used Yahoo and MSN messenger (with webcams) every day to keep in touch, along with emails. After we met in person and had one week together, the distance was  more difficult to deal with, but we were left with the same options until we married 9 months later.  Now we're happily married, and treasure every moment we have; being apart taught us to do so. Best of luck with your long distance relationship! 

Phone calls, lots of emails and instant messanging. The thing I used to do when we couldn't talk was make a card. I had a bag of paper, stickers and paper scraps. It was fun and kept me busy until I felt better. Kepping busy with work helped a lot.