What would you do differently, if starting over?

If you were pregnant again for the first time, ready to begin your family... what would you do differently now with all your wisdom behind you? What things were you anal about that you'd let slip to the side now? What things didn't you pay attention to that you wish you had? Etcetera ad infinitum...

I got to hinking about this today, when my mother-in-law stopped me mid-worry and said something like "Love, at the end of the day, you & David love each other very deepy, it's obvious, and your children will love you for that." Makes you realize how the little things don't have to matter much... but then it's hard (for a first timer like me!) to know whats little and what's not, knowing sometimes the little things in life can make you temporarily insane or insane...

Firstly, I would enjoy the time even more-it's so short.  And when they needed cuddles, I'd give them.  Your house isn't going to fall down around you if you sit and hold a grizzly baby for an afternoon after they have gotten jabs or aren't feeling great.  And I'd chose my battles more carefully-I think it's easy to get into power struggels with a two year old over the silliest thing.  I'd also shout less and explain more. We stopped shouting when our oldest was eight (long story) and it makes a huge difference especially with our little one who's never really been shouted at.  I'd cut down on tv and encourage more imaginitive play.  I'd spend less money on junk.  I'd breast feed all three instead of just the last one.  I'd have gone back to work sooner and part time-I think it's better to keep your foot in the door and it's been a real struggle to get back into it after such a long break. I'd rely less on other peoples opinions and go with my instincts more.    Not sure if this answers your question.

Mindy, you hit the nail on the head in all points that you made. Another thing Sara, I just looked at your beautiful *bump* photo and wanted to also add this. . . Have your husband take more pictures of you while you are pregnant. You will look back on them and it will bring such fond memories of this whole experience. Heck, you may even forget tje yucky moments like not being able to sleep, stand or walk!!  
Awww - I am sending a BIG hug to you!

and I'd pay alot more attention to the emotional hurts and I'd listen more carefully.  I'd correct less and encourage more.

Things that I'd do the same-honouring their multi-culturism, taking them to endless art galeries/museums and zoos, encouraging them to rely on each other yet recognizing them as individuals, encouraging their very close relationship with their grandparents, praising their artistic and creative and intelligent sides.  

Things I'd do again:

not worry about if my house was cluttered, and get right in there and actively play with my children - tv was rare if at all til after age 4 or so, and even now it's a treat

encourage them to use what toys they have creatively, and not to buy every new thing that comes out

help them learn to respect and care for what they do have

help them learn to express themselves through drawing and art - I can't draw well at all, but I joined in with them and I think they realized you don't have to draw perfectly for the end result to warm somone's heart

help them learn that it's ok to have differing opinions as long as you're polite in expressing it

What would I have done differently? I think I was a better parent before I went back to work, but I got divorced and had to support myself and the girls. I still regret having to put the youngest in daycare though.

I think I'm one of the luckiest parents alive, my kids have never thrown a tantrum in public, never shoved beans or similar things up their noses, never cut their own hair, not poked anything in their ears... I don't think this is due to me, I think it's simply their personalities. The thing is, they were so well behaved as small children, that I don't handle it well when they don't listen sometimes - I'm still working on that one now.

I guess my point is, a lot of parenting isn't what one should or shouldn't do, it's about setting your goals in a way that suits your child's personality. What is right to help one child learn to be a good person, may not help your second child - you have to adapt to them somewhat.

Oh boy...We're actually in the position right at this moment of deciding whether to have a child. I have a fantastic son from my previous (mistake of a) marriage.

Thing is ,my son is 18! He'll be 19 in July and I just don't know if I'm ready to start all over again. It's scary!  

As young as I was at the time (17) when I had my son, I think I did a really good job raising my him. He was always shown lots of love.

The only thing I would change, would be that I wish I had been more involved w/ his school activities (room mom,parties etc.) and gotten him more actively involved with other kids outside of school. He basically grew up with mostly adults around him all the time. Even now he's more comfortable with adults than peers his own age...although he has lots of friends.
I used to get praises from teachers about how polite and sweet he was...and still do now.
Even now he still loves to hug and kiss his family and openly says I love you...not to many teens like that!  I know I was'nt one-ha!

Sometimes I think God blessed me with this amazing boy...he was so easy to raise.

But now I find myself overthinking what it will be like,how it will totally change our life style and what to do better next time....almost to the point where it's not fun to even think about having a child again.
Just making myself confused  
Anyone else been in this situation before...got any wisdom to share?

I'd yell less and try to be more understanding.  I'd also spend more time with them rather than worry about other things.

Enjoy this time with just you and David.  Try to relax and not stress out.  Enjoy this last bit of "me time" that you will have for quite a while!  I honestly feel that I didn't really start feeling like I had some "me time" again until DS was in preschool.  When he was a little baby, just going to the supermarket by myself seemed like a HUGE luxury.  BUT, once the baby is here, remember to take a bit of "me time" so that you don't get burned out.  Ask for help - you don't have to be super-mommy (even though you'll be a super mommy!)  Remember that the relationship between you and David is the most important, it was there before baby arrived, and will hopefully be there once the babe has left the nest.  With that in mind, remember to take time for you as a couple to reconnect and remember why you had a baby together in the first place!  It's very easy to get completely caught with the baby (both of you) and neglect your relationship with each other.  

It's OK for babies to cry sometimes.  If he's not cold, wet, hungry, hurt, or ill, but it still crying try not to stress out about it.  If you are getting really stressed, it's OK to put the baby in it's crib (so it's safe) and go to another room for a few minutes to collect yourself.  It's OK for you to cry, too, if it helps you feel better.  Remember that babies are tougher than they look - just watch the nurses in hospital practically juggling them!  

Enjoy it all, and remember, when things get tough, THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

My "baby" just turned 6 and it seems like it happened in the blink of an eye.  It's all good, though.

Stephanie

My "baby" just turned 6 and it seems like it happened in the blink of an eye.

Our baby is almost twenty-one, now, and will soon spread her wings.  I could kick myself for never realizing in any of those twenty glorious years how quickly the time would go.

I wouldn't have worked so much to give them the material things that NEVER matter as much as simple time and love and effort... :-/

I would do the more picture thing of me. And I agree with everyone else spend lots of together time now while you can once that baby hits the world there will be lots of alone nights.

I would trust my gut instinct more than I did initially.  It really never failed me and still doesn't.  

I would let my husband do more than I let him because I was a control freak.

I would buy less stuff because I usually didn't use it as much as I thought I would.

And this may sound strange but I would let my baby sleep more on my chest and not worry about putting him in their crib so that they sleep better because it is amazing how fast they no longer want to sleep on you tucked up in a little ball!