...missing you

Alright, so I'm home. I arrived last night at a little past 10pm. My mom was so excited to see me and I of course her but I couldn't help but be sad that I was even here. People keep asking if I'm glad to be home and to be honest ...no. Home is with him ...

Anyway, wednesday (england day) I left for the airport at 9am. We caught a cab and went on our own. He was incredibly huggy and worried about me. He kept telling me to eat something but I wouldn't...he gave me £5 just incase but I never used it because the machines only took coins and no one had change.  He kept hugging me and kissing me and touching my hands and rubbing my fingers. He even mentioned me coming back this year...which he actually mentioned more than that day. He told me to come even though he has to work. In all honesty I don't know if it would be worth it. He works 2am-11am so when he'd be waking up i'd be sleeping and when I'd be awake he'd be getting home from work and doing what he has to do to get ready for his next day and then going to bed soon after. We'd never see one another... plus if I tell my job that I'm leaving again this year I'm affraid they'll fire me which would mean I won't have money for May next year when he's coming OR when I go there next year november. I get my bonus in March/April and that's like $2000ish so I could save that for the november trip seeing as I want to stay longer than a month...PLUS keep saving from now till then that way I have enough for the IO's. What do you think? Is it worth it? or should we wait till next may for him to come where we can actually spend time together? 

I got home and checked my email last night and he left me a comment on my journal saying "I'm missing you  "...broke my heart. I miss him so bad. I called him when I got in right before I went to sleep...he said his room is so quite and lonely without me and he's sad and misses me terribly. He also talked about putting his name on the counsil housing list...which I heard is like a LONG time wait so that would be nice for when we do get married yayaness...

We talked today online...it's so horrible. I've never hated being online so much and speaking to him on msn so much. It's not the same...there's no emotion or connection it's just words. It was really upsetting me sitting here talking to him on there but not being able to see him or hear him ...SO much so that I wanted to leave.

I can go on and on about how much I miss just hearing him or knowing he's near but I won't do that too you all.

My flight was good...it felt like it took forever but it was okie. We were (i think)45 mins late off heathrows tarmak and an hour and a half off JFK's tarmak but my flight seemed to have made it a little ahead of what they thought. It was meant to arrive at 9:36pm but we got down at a little past 10pm.

I went to walmart to get my pictures developed. They came out good...well better than last time. Last time they were all black from the scanners at the airport and this time my fingernail seems to be in 80% of them. I've got fake nails and I guess I didn't realize lol...hmm. We've got some cute ones together...I got doubles to send to him. I got him a card that has this beautiful note on the front about missing the other half to my soul and I got his parents a thank you card.

Okie im going...hope all is good

Sorry you are having a hard time being home Reeka, reading your post sounded so much like how I feel when I leave. I don't know what to tell you about if you should wait until next year or go sooner, only you can really decide what is best. I struggled with that last night and finally just went ahead and booked a short trip for July. He is talking about trying to get here in August and I could still work it out to go in November. Alteast it seems hopeful not to have so long in between times that we are together this year! I hope you work it out, and hope you get to feeling better soon! I find sleeping is about the only thing that makes me feel better when I come home! Take care!

I am so sorry you feel so down.  I can only imagine!  I think I'd go again this year anyway, even without his vacation, I don't think I could be as strong as you to wait until next year.  You two have been doing this for quite a while too!  It's just wow!  Hopefully you will feel a little better in a bit of time, but allow yourself to feel down some.  Everyone seems to go through that when getting back from some place they love, and especially when they've been with an extremely important person in their life.  Lots and lots of hugs and sympathy!   :\\\'(

   I so sorry that your trip is over.  I know how you feel about talking immediately after the separation - it can just be so depressing.  I agree with sillysnip, that you are the only ones who can decide when your next visit should be.  Having said that, there would be no way that I could hold out for 12 months.  You mentioned before that he was looking for a new job or promotion or something, didn't you?  Any chance that would happen before November? 

Take care of yourself.

Glad to hear you made it home safely and I'm sorry you're having such a hard time...it is so hard to go back to your "routine" when it doesn't really involve the one person you want to be with.  It will get easier though as you begin to get over jetlag and everything.  If it were me...I'd visit again sooner then a year (force myself to stay somewhat on my own timezone to maximize the amount of time I got to spend with him), but along with what everyone else said, the right decision will be made by you.  Take care of yourself...get lots of rest!!

Awww, i know just what you are going through.  It's so hard to come back to what should be "home" when it just doesn't feel  like it anymore.  I don't know how you two have been able to go so long without seeing each other.  As others have said, i couldn't hold out that long.  If you do take a trip while he is working, what Kristina said is good advice.  Just try to stay on his schedule and sleep when he does, wake when he does.  It would take me ages to feel better again after a visit, just awful, but it happened eventually and you'll feel better too I hope.  Take care sweetie!

I'm sorry you're sad.  I know how hard it is.  I could never hold out a whole year.  My last trip over he worked a lot of the time I was there and I just kept myself busy during the day, of course the hours were more normal, but still I would have rather had those few hours with him each day, even though some were sleeping, than having none at all!!  I know the initial shock of being apart still stings...I'm sure it will get easier in a few days when you return to your normal routine.

Sorry you are having a hard time being home Reeka, reading your post sounded so much like how I feel when I leave. I don't know what to tell you about if you should wait until next year or go sooner, only you can really decide what is best. I struggled with that last night and finally just went ahead and booked a short trip for July. He is talking about trying to get here in August and I could still work it out to go in November. Alteast it seems hopeful not to have so long in between times that we are together this year! I hope you work it out, and hope you get to feeling better soon! I find sleeping is about the only thing that makes me feel better when I come home! Take care!

thanks, the thing is if I do go this year again my job will most likely fire me...even though my vacation is unpaid and it really isn't hurting them if I go or not seeing as they arn't paying me. If I don't have a job that means I won't have money for when he comes in may and it also means I won't get my big bonus in March and I really need that for my trip next year.  :\\\'( It all really comes down to money and it really sucks! I'm going insane and I've only been gone 2 days.

sleeping seems to be the only time i don't think about it...but i can't even really sleep that long. :\\\'(

I am so sorry you feel so down.  I can only imagine!  I think I'd go again this year anyway, even without his vacation, I don't think I could be as strong as you to wait until next year.  You two have been doing this for quite a while too!  It's just wow!  Hopefully you will feel a little better in a bit of time, but allow yourself to feel down some.  Everyone seems to go through that when getting back from some place they love, and especially when they've been with an extremely important person in their life.  Lots and lots of hugs and sympathy!   :\\\'(

Thank you, I'm very sad and crying at random moments. Last night I took a bath and I got out and grabbed my towel and was swarmed by his scent all over my towel. I just started balling my eyes out...i stood there sniffing them for like 5 minutes and then hung them up so the smell wouldn't leave.

See the thing is it all comes down to money. I'd go right this second if I knew I'd have a job and money for next year. Im torn... I need the money for his trip next year and the bonus money for mine  and if I come back this year ill most likely be fired...I dunno what to do.  :\\\'(

  I so sorry that your trip is over.  I know how you feel about talking immediately after the separation - it can just be so depressing.  I agree with sillysnip, that you are the only ones who can decide when your next visit should be.  Having said that, there would be no way that I could hold out for 12 months.  You mentioned before that he was looking for a new job or promotion or something, didn't you?  Any chance that would happen before November? 

Take care of yourself.

Thank you, yeah going back to talking on the computer is incredibly hard to deal with. I miss him...I miss knowing he's there and hearing his voice.

He is looking for a new job, he's been looking for quite some time so hopefully he would have one before november. He said if he has one before may that he'll come earlier so that would be nice if he did get one.

I know how you feel...it was so hard to come home in January after I had spent 2 weeks with my boy...the airport goodbyes are the WORST.

What's even more depressing, somehow, is how easy you two settle back into the LDR routine of IMs, e-mails, etc. just after having spent time together.  It's like saying, "we're such pros at this now, we don't even have to have a readjustment period".

It'll get better!

Glad to hear you made it home safely and I'm sorry you're having such a hard time...it is so hard to go back to your "routine" when it doesn't really involve the one person you want to be with.  It will get easier though as you begin to get over jetlag and everything.  If it were me...I'd visit again sooner then a year (force myself to stay somewhat on my own timezone to maximize the amount of time I got to spend with him), but along with what everyone else said, the right decision will be made by you.  Take care of yourself...get lots of rest!!

Thank you, this routine sucks. I hate it...

im torn...(sorry i've written the response a few times over if u dun mind reading those because I just woke up)

Reeeeka, what kind of job do you have?  If you're entitled to holiday, you allowed to take it -- they can't fire you for that!

Reeeeka, what kind of job do you have?  If you're entitled to holiday, you allowed to take it -- they can't fire you for that!

I'm a cashier at walmart. You don't get paid vacation time for a year and then it's only a few days...I think 15 years is 4 weeks of paid vacation time. I took time without pay for this trip and i've only been there since last november.

Do you have a webcam?  Does he?  Being able to see each other that way is sometimes helpful.  My fiance and I used one every day when we were apart.  It really helped me to be able to see him!  Plus we had microphones and used MS Messengers voice program so we could see and hear each other in real time and it didn't cost money like the phone would!