I think I am BRIDEZILLA

I think I am becoming the thing I most wanted NOT to become.  BRIDEZILLA!!!!  My DF informed today that he went to pick out his tux for the wedding...ok our colors are red white and blue and silver (very patriotic both our flags are those colors and it was easy to find things in those shades) 

Ok I have been trying my hardest not to make this thing look really cheesy and I think I am been doing a damn good job at it.  Until today...DF went out and got a blue shirt, red tie, ivory (oh yes ivory) waistcoat (vest) all under a black suit.  I FLIPPED OUT!!!!  I haven't seen this concotion and he assures me it looks smart...but alll I can see is Uncle Samn pointing at me from my wedding photos saying I WANT YOU!!!!!  I tried to remain calm but I just couldn't....it sounds horrible.  I told him and I quote "I can't even IMAGINE how horrible you will look"  I said that TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND!!!!  THE MAN I LOVE!!!!  I feel like a really huge jerk but I literally was in tears tonight talking to my mother about this new fiasco....my brother is refusing to wear it and I want everyone to look nice.

On top of all of this my mother tried to change my wedding dressing...taking away here...adding there....to come up with a dresss that is nothing like the one I picked out. I am having my dress made by the way, and I wanted it a very certain way.  I feel like the dress is mine and have taken great offense to it being altered by someone who isn't wearing it.

Plus....yes it gets better.  Our wedding cake topper is very plain we bought it on the grounds we were gonna paint it.  We could not find a blonde bride wedding cake topper so I found a lovely  unpainted or unprimed wedding topper and was promised by my future mother in law that she would paint it.  Well my MIL and my DF decided it looked nice unpainted....it doesn't,  it looks like a lawn ornament.  Unpainted it is the color of cement, and another dilemma my mother hates anything without faces or eyes.  This woman will take a magic marker and draw eyes on the dogs toys when the eyes are either chewed off or they come with out eyes.  I am freaking out...I don't want an ugly wedding and but I don't want to be bridezilla either.  I am just feeling a little left out because it doesn't even seem like our wedding anymore...it seems like their wedding and it makes me a little miffed.  Am I in the right or do I need to chill out?

Not trying to start anything here, but to be perfectly honest, I have never understood the 'perfect wedding' frame of mind.  As with so many other things in life, the wedding isn't really the issue.  It's a few hours (tops) on a single day.  It's the marriage that deserves all your energy...

What's the worst that will happen?  The men will look silly?  Your wedding dress isn't quite what you wanted?  Twenty years from now your kids will think you looked geeky anyway.  Your mother draws faces on your cake topper?  It will make a great story for dinner parties.  Try and keep it all in perspective.  I know that's easier said than done, but it's not the end of the world, even if it seems so at the time.  Life goes on.  Take a deep breath and enjoy the ride...

I have never understood the 'perfect wedding' frame of mind.  As with so many other things in life, the wedding isn't really the issue.  It's a few hours (tops) on a single day.  It's the marriage that deserves all your energy...

Agreed.  There's no such thing as a perfect wedding.  Things are going to go wrong, and it's best to just laugh them off and enjoy the day.  Ten years from now no one but you will remember what anyone wore, but people will remember if it didn't seem like you were having a good time because you were too caught up in all the little details.  It's no fun to attend a wedding where the guests of honor aren't enjoying themselves.

What will make your wedding beautiful is the fact that it's celebrating the love between the two of you.  All you need to get married is the two of you, an officiant, and two witnesses.  That's it, really.  Everything else is extra.  Try to just step back a bit and let go of a little control.  It's an important day, but it's still just one more day of your life.  It's not going to be a fairytale ideal.    If you let other people take over a bit and just laugh at the ridiculous things...you'll be able to focus a lot more on what is really important about the day.  You're marrying the person you love.  There isn't a lot that could be more beautiful than that. 

Let your DF wear whatever he likes.  He's been dressing himself for years, I assume.  You want your outfit to look a certain way, so he should be free to have his look however he likes as well.  Mine is wearing a top hat.  No, seriously.  He also has a monocle and cane that he is going to take out at the reception.  I tease him and say I had no idea I was marrying Mr. Peanut, but I'm not about to meddle in what he wears (it suits his silly personality oddly well, anyway, hehe).  It's a big day in his life as well, and he should feel comfortable.

As far as the dress thing...that is the only area I would say maybe you should be more assertive on.  Not aggressive...just assertive.  Say nicely but firmly that you really wanted it this other way.  Choose your battles, and try to step back if any of the planning process actually makes you cry.  It's just a party!  It should be fun, not stressful.  Good luck with the rest of your planning, and try to not get too caught up in it. 

I agree that weddings never go as planned, but I wouldn't allow the tux, nor my mother trying to redo my dress!  You're the one who has to look at your wedding pictures for the rest of your life!  Thankfully my fiance has wanted little part in planning, so I showed him the tux he was renting and I am not a bridezilla!  As for the cake topper, if it was my future MIL, I'd let that one go.  Pick and choose your battles, but I would put my foot down about that crazy sounding suit

can you get your boyfriend to email you a fotie of himself in the suit... just so you can know what it looks like?  If you havent seen it, it's maybe too early to be upset about it.
Once  you've seen it, though... if you really dont like it, there's plenty time to change it/ arrange a compromise.

I'd stand my ground about your dress, that's not being bridezilla.  See if your honey can take a pic of his outfit to reasssure you that he doesn't look daft.  And you could always have a custom cake topper made to look like the two of you (check ebay).

gah! Forgot to log out hubby and log in as myself yet again! 

I understand, I have been accused of this by my mother (she's in the states while I"m planning this from Leeds). She just wanted to control it all and yet she's not paying for most of it!!! I laughed and said, we're paying, so hands off!

I just wanted acknowledgement that it was my special day, not theirs. Maybe there's something to that with you? We have yet to get the guys fitted correctly for the tuxes - we tried to just measure ourselves and the store in America said we had to be wrong, so we are getting them done professionally here and praying that the sizes will be right in oct when they get them before the wedding. My fiance is more worried than I am!! Tuxes are the easy part, I'm def. more worried about my dress and I was more worried about the girls, but that's been done.

Good luck and I hope you get the wedding you want, but I'm sure both of us will be happy this fall and will end up having gorgeous memorable weddings.

Flowers look nice on top of a wedding cake... maybe you could do that instead of the cement-coloured statues with drawn-on eyes?    

*hugs* calm down!

I can't really say oh it's not a HUGE deal because I'm not and have not been in your situation BUT I think it would be best if you remained calm and took a deep breathe. Maybe ask your honey for a picture of what it looks like because I'm assuming it looks better than how you are picturing it in your head. I know most hs guys don't have the best fashion sense but I don't think it's gonna look as bad as you think.

By the way the "alll I can see is Uncle Samn pointing at me from my wedding photos saying I WANT YOU!!!!!" that made me laugh. Sorry!

You know you can email me anytime you need to relieve some frustrations! lol it's all good dawlin...enjoy this time. It's going to be over before you know it and you'll be married  ...go you!

Sounds like you're having a nerve-wracking time! I don't think you're overreacting. While a wedding is first and foremost a celebration of the love and commitment between you and your sweetheart, it's also understandable that you would want everything to be as nice as it can be. I agree with the suggestion to have your sweetie send you a photo of his wedding attire; if it's not as you would like it, I don't see any reason for you to stick with it----I'm sure you could come to a compromise with him. As for the wedding topper, again, it's your wedding. If you want that detail badly, and you want it a certain way, it shouldn't be a big issue. Just take a deep breath and try not to let the stress get to you, and remember that it's you and his special day, no one else. I wish you the best of luck with all of your wedding details! 

I'm sure everything will work out beautifully.  But, I do have to say that I'm SO glad my husband and I had a courthouse wedding!

P.S. You aren't a bridezilla

Thanks everyone...not only did all your posts make me feel better, it also gave me a good kick in the ars* just when I needed it.

You are right I do need to step back a little and just let him wear what he wants to wear.  I wouldn't appreciate his input on my dress and after the big fight we had this morning I know he didn't appreciate my attitude on his attire.  I love him and it is not worth fighting about.  But he did cancel the order because, well he knows it doesn't make me happy and he didn't like the price tag.  So he is gonna look for something different.  As for my brother I am going to dress him how he feels comfortable and looks nicest. 

As for the wedding topper, I have picked my battles and this is one I could really care less about, although I told him if my mother has a magic marker look out because the bride and groom are about to get a make over.  The more I think about it the funnier it sounds so maybe I will just leave the cement lawn ornament on the cake and see what happens.  Memories... he he.

I think it all just hit me at one time yesterday and I haven't been feeling all that well this week as it is so I think I just lost my head.

Bridezilla goes quietly back into the cave and, cool calm Kristen comes back out.

Let the wedding festivities continue.

(yes we kissed and made up...well we didn't kiss but you know what I mean)

Glad to see you are better!  I can't imagine the stress you must be under....You weren't a Bridezilla AT ALL!   I thought your concerns were reasonable.  I've experienced a Bridezilla first hand and she was a nightmare!  In all the weddings I have been a part of, I have yet to experience the "perfect wedding".

Everyone else is right....The most important thing is that you and your DF will be taking vows to love and honor each other in front of your loved ones.

Cake topper solution - this comes from my devious side 
Get a back-up give to a friend you can trust...then an accident happens  and the original one is chipped or broken "OH NO!!!!"  Good thing your best friend had a back-up saved from their wedding and offered it to you at the last minute!
 

Mekaw....Good idea I mean most everyone who knows me, knows how clusmy I am, come on I have given myself a black eye not once, not twice, but yes three times (a lady) with a remote control (don't ask I couldn't explain it if I tried).  I could "accidentally" lose my footing and grab the cake topper and throw it against the wall so it smashes in a million pieces.  Ha Ha I am just kidding.

Thanks everyone I do feel better and the feathers that I ruffled yesterday are almost all smoothed down now.

Yay!  I'm glad you're feeling better

Mekaw was right, you weren't being a bridezilla.  A bridezilla is someone who wants to kick her best friend out of the wedding party for being pregnant, or doesn't want a handicapped bridesmaid because of "how it will look."  Both of those things actually happen.  The former is actually REALLY common...and is usually accompanied by the bride whining about her pregnant friend stealing her spotlight.   

I think you were just letting the stress of it get to you too much...which isn't bridezillaish, but certainly isn't fun, either.  I'm glad you and your DF have made up and you're feeling a bit more relaxed about the whole thing.