Hypotheticals

Well clearly the emotional affair would scar me much more than the physical

Yes - I agree too.  But knowing me I couldn't be intimate with my bf again either.  Just the thought of him with someone else sickens me.

Since we are hypothetically speaking....If I had to choose between the two, I guess I'd rather him have a physical, one time fling.

For me, it would be emotional - but then again, I am totally unable to separate sex from emotion. 

  1) No cheating (no romantic emotional relationships, no kissing, no touching, no sex).

Another hypothetical for yis...

Is kissing 'cheating'?   

I had some friends that did couple swapping.  And it all started with kissing!

tongue? once, more than once? what are the hands doing? peck on the lips? lingered lip lock? peck on the cheek? do you like kissing? was it enjoyed? is it an intimate act between you and a partner? oh the list goes on..... these are all questions to be asked first.

Oh god I may have to stop reading this thread - hitting too close to home.  One very common way I've heard 'cheating' defined is - something you would not want your SO to know about or see.  So if you are comfortable kissing someone and wouldn't mind if your partner was right there, maybe it's not cheating...

But knowing me I couldn't be intimate with my bf again either.  Just the thought of him with someone else sickens me.

But hasn't your BF been with people before he met you?  Does that thought sicken you too?

But hasn't your BF been with people before he met you?  Does that thought sicken you too?

Nope - virgin! 
kidding!  I know what you are saying but I guess since it was before, it doesn't bother me. 

IMO - Kissing=cheating.
I know a swinging couple too...I just couldn't.  I also have a friend that "shared" her man with another friend.  Lucky him I guess, but I couldn't watch my friend with my man...I knock her off!

geetak - I do like your definition...I think it hits the mark!

Rich and I just discussed this thread.  We both agree... one night stand, online flirting, long term affair with same person....all of it is cheating.  When two people commit, married or not... having a romantic relationship with anyone else, be it sexual or emotional is cheating.  For us, that includes kissing.  Neither of us care about past relationships because they are all in the past.  I could care less about what he's done with who in his past.    And we are both so satisfied with each other sexually, we dont need a third or fourth person in our bed!  Now thats not to say that it wont work for others, just not for us.

Man, what did you start with this "hypothetical" thread here!!

What people say and what people would do in real life can vary and you never know what you'd do until put in that situation and with that partner especially if you have children and a life together. One would hope the relationship should end amicably and not done purely in haste.

this is exactly what i was going to say when i read this thread earlier this afternoon....but it wouldn't have come out as nicely as olive oyl has written it and would have probably been moved off to pettifog. 

i decline to think that most people would leave at the first sign, or open acknowledgement, of cheating...whether it be kissing, hugging, emotional, physical, whatever...until they are in the situation.  fair play, if some have been there, done that and know how it feels.  some of those that are in that category either learn from their mistakes and don't repeat the pattern, or become accustom to being treated that way.  either way, it all depends on the situation....i agree with olive oyl all the way.

Rich and I just discussed this thread.  We both agree... one night stand, online flirting, long term affair with same person....all of it is cheating.  When two people commit, married or not... having a romantic relationship with anyone else, be it sexual or emotional is cheating.

Bingo. It's about trust for me.  Whatever the act, if someone you trust engages in actions which negate that trust, it's pretty damn hard to get it back again.

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i decline to think that most people would leave at the first sign, or open acknowledgement, of cheating...whether it be kissing, hugging, emotional, physical, whatever...until they are in the situation.  fair play, if some have been there, done that and know how it feels.  some of those that are in that category either learn from their mistakes and don't repeat the pattern, or become accustom to being treated that way.

I agree as well.  Just like saying 'well there's no way I'm not going back to work after I have a baby', I think it is really hard to know unless/until it happens to you.  I've never been a parent and although I'd like to think I will go back to work once I have kids, I don't really know with 100% certainty. 

Another thing I keep thinking with this thread is that we are all human and we all make mistakes.  Yes cheating is serious and potentially relationship-ending but again I think I'd have to examine the circumstances first before completely throwing away an entire marriage. 

regarding our daughter. I told Dale early on that if we broke up for what ever reason,even cheating on me. I'd give him custody of Courtney. Because if we did break up I'd have to go back to America, I'd have no home,job or money there and I refuse to put Courtney through that. Here atleast she'd have a roof,food and family.
It would be very very hard,but I'd know in my heart it would be for the best.
I wouldnt be one of the women who become bitter and refuse to let Dale see her because of what he did.

A marriage is one thing, but an LDR?  Done.  I was cheated on in an LDR with a man I was engaged to.  He told me what he'd done and it destroyed me.  Never again.  If we'd married, I think it'd be a different story but considering he was my bf, it was much easier to walk away.

One very common way I've heard 'cheating' defined is - something you would not want your SO to know about or see.  So if you are comfortable kissing someone and wouldn't mind if your partner was right there, maybe it's not cheating...

Never thought of it like that. Wow...very good way of defining it

Watching what my friend is going through dealing with her husband's indescretions, is heart wrenching.  The destruction his cheating has caused they may never repair.  But she is moving on and being a good mom to her kids and getting her own life on track.  It is kind of the forbidden experiment.  I've always wondered what would happen if..  but wouldn't dare find out.  After seeing her marriage derail, I will never take that road.  

Couple swapping  turns me off as well.  I was friends  with both couples and they all didn't escape from their trists unscathed.  What were they thinking?