Hypotheticals

I've got another question...

Do you think it's possible for couples who swing for it to build resentment and anger and a lose of trust in their relationship over time even if they both agreed to it?

I could never imagine myself doing that sort of thing and I don't understand it...which is why im wondering the above.

A marriage is one thing, but an LDR?  Done.  I was cheated on in an LDR with a man I was engaged to.  He told me what he'd done and it destroyed me.  Never again.  If we'd married, I think it'd be a different story but considering he was my bf, it was much easier to walk away.

Yeah agreed - I know this was originally about an LDR rather than marriage.

Do you think it's possible for couples who swing for it to build resentment and anger and a lose of trust in their relationship over time even if they both agreed to it?

I could never imagine myself doing that sort of thing and I don't understand it...which is why im wondering the above.

I don't know.  Someone I knew in college is in a polyamorous relationship - basically she lives with one partner but has others as well.  I don't know how it all works but somehow it does...different strokes I guess!

I've friends who swing and they get on fine.  They have been doing it for years and actually met at a swingers party. Whether or not it affects the relationship depends on what the individuals involved are like.  Some people simply don't think monogomy is important.

Not my scene, I hasten to add.  I would be far too jealous.


Vicky

To answer Q-G's question - in our relationship, kissing that is romantic or sexually charged is cheating.  I have no problem with my husband hugging and kissing one of his female (or male) friends. 

I think anything that incurs emotional attachment - whether that be kissing, touching, conversing, etc.  I also like the definition "what you'd be ashamed of your SO seeing".  If you can't do it in front of them, then you shouldn't do it at all.  That's the differnce between a healthy friendship with the opposite gender (nothing to be ashamed of) and crossing the line.

I opened a can of worms, I know, but discussion is healthy.

... and it's all hypothetical anyway! 

Another hypothetical for yis...

Is kissing 'cheating'?   

It's only cheating if you get caught.   

Says Bill Clinton.   

Couple swapping  turns me off as well. 

Um, no, no, that's not for me.  Don't think so. 

I'm sure it 'works' for some people.  But nah.  It sort of makes me sick.

Holy cripes swinging is not for me at ALL. I am a jealous nutter (past relationships of his urk me for some odd reason even though i'm sure i've had way more than him) and to think of anyone EVER touching him or feeling about him like i do?  NO WAY MAN.

But then look at him, he's a doll.  LOL.  (I can't help but gush)

Yeah I'm way too jealous to even consider such an idea...but as Vicky said, some people don't believe in monogamy.  I had a friend write his dissertation on why he thinks it is a bad idea.

Then there is the argument that humans aren't naturally monogomous. 

The theory behind the 7 year-itch is that 7 years is what it takes to raise a baby and under natural child spacing, when the child is totally  independent of the mother, then the woman would go off and find a new mate ensuring genetic diversity.

That is only a theory but it kinda makes sense.  Year 7 was awful in my marriage, and for others I know as well. 

I think anything that incurs emotional attachment - whether that be kissing, touching, conversing, etc.  I also like the definition "what you'd be ashamed of your SO seeing".  If you can't do it in front of them, then you shouldn't do it at all.  That's the differnce between a healthy friendship with the opposite gender (nothing to be ashamed of) and crossing the line.

I totally agree. I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, but if there's something going on that goes beyond friendship, that is just not right. It's inconsiderate to say the very least. As for swinging, there's not a chance in hell that either my husband or I would go there. If a couple is alright with it and it's a mutually enjoyable thing that isn't causing anyone any harm, then I guess to each their own. For some people, monogamy is just not their thing, if they can't handle being faithful to one person, then that's their thing. But personally, I couldn't imagine being with anyone but my husband. He's everything I want, so why would I? I still believe that at the heart of a relationship there should be only the two in said relationship. Otherwise it's not exactly a relationship, per se, but more of an agreement (and I say that with no offense meant).  I love my husband with everything I am, but if he crossed the line and went to another woman for the things he knows he can always have with me, I'd be done. I would be way too hurt and distrustful to ever be able to truly make it work again after something like that. Rant finished. lol   

I have to get on board with the, "if they are ashamed to tell you about it or you seeing it, then it should be done" perspective.  Df and I were talking about polygamy and swingers last night, and I thought his thoughts about it were quite funny.  He told me that , "You are more than enough for me, I don't think I could handle more than one woman."  That made me laugh.  But the best part was when he said he didn't even want to try.  That was just sweet.

DH is very comfortable with women.  He grew up with 5 sisters and his father was pretty much never around.  So, invariably, he is drawn to women.  He is never flirtatious though and I have never worried about him straying.

Basically, it comes down to trust and I know in my bones, that I am it for him and him me.  I have total faith in him that is unwavering.  Even when we were in an LDR.

 

I have more male friends than women.  BF is completely comfortable with my friendships with all but two of them...I can't even mention their names .  I find it odd that he doesn't trust them and he hasn't even met them.  This has become an issue in our relationship because it makes him unhappy and I feel responsible for that.

I've urged bf to meet them and he said he can't because he'd want to punch them!  HOLY TESTOSTERONE!
So now, I don't speak to them as often as I used to and I do tell him when I do.  I know it upsets him, but I feel like if I didn't tell him it would be the same as cheating...well lying. 

One of my friends is married with kids, I met his wife, she's invited me to their home to visit. The other is divorced and I now am his dating consultant.  He was married for 15 years and hasn't dated since he was 20, he needs help!  So I don't see why these particular two are a problem.  We have never dated or were romantically involved EVER!
I have tried to see this from his side, but it just doesn't make sense why some guys are ok but others aren't and he hasn't met them!