DISCUSSION: Before you move: Things to really think about

Thanks MeShell... i LOVE this blog!!

Your Welcome!

**Clothing and shoe sizes are different! I learned this my first trip over while trying on a pair of jeans. I thought I had gained a size. Its good to figure out your American/UK/European  measurements beforehand. I looked at a size converter after that first day. I also kept a shoe size (American size vs. UK size) written down as I forgot my UK shoe size every time hehe. heres one for you if you need it...
http://www.fashion-411.com/Size_Conversions.htm

Brilliant post, well done! I've lived here for six years now and although I do love England, it IS very different from the life I had been accustomed to back in the States.  Every single thing was true and I could relate to so many things you said.  I am used to living here now, although I found it a bit of a wake-up call and not for the feignt of heart. You honestly do have to develop a thick skin in some situations and you must accept the fact that you're not in "Kansas" anymore.  I've embraced my new country but feel it took a lot of guts to do so.  There will be tears from time to time, so expect them, but as long as you have great support, love and understanding from the person you can't live without, you'll be able to weather the storms that sometimes come your way. There are many, many wonderful reasons I have made England my home but for someone who is only considering it, the advice given here is excellent and major points to ponder before deciding if it's meant for you.  Cheers!

I've read every single one of the posts in this thread, and I'm truly grateful that I did.

Wish I'd found this forum when I was still in the States, I would've been better prepared!

I reckon I still would've felt my homesickness as badly as I had done, but, I would've realised more that I'm not alone, that I'm not the only one going thru all of these.....life changes, and that I'm not a freak.

I think that's the thing that breaks my heart the most some days-just feeling like I'm the only one in a sea of people who I think are staring at me and judging me. DH has always said that it's not true, and I'm sure that it's not. It just feels that way some days.

Great thread with some very useful and thought provoking comments (despite the petty nonsense about bacon and MOTs! If that's all you've got to worry about in a new country then you've done well.  I love a traditinoal english bacon sandwich made with quality back bacon and drenched in HP sauce, but if I was moving to the US I wouldn't be remotely bothered that I couldn't get one.  There's so many 'native' culinary delights to explore). 

My fiance is due to move over here later this year and I'm definitely going to get her to join this site and get reading.  While she loves the UK and is looking forward to living here, some of these posts make me realise just what a responsibility I have to try and help cushion here inevitable culture shock when she arrives. 

I have not read all of the posts here yet, but I can speak to the friendship aspect, and I am relieved I'm not the only one finding it hard to make friends here!

I see that my husband has had the same friends that he grew up with since he was four, and he is amazed at how fickle American friendships can be (only one of mine has persisted strongly since I've been in the UK). Meanwhile, I have yet to find intimate conversations with girls over here without a strong feeling of encroachment and ridicule (does anyone else sense that prevailing attitude of 'I'm too good/hot to talk to you'??). They are polite on the surface, but it is very difficult to be transparent within a culture where privacy reigns supreme. I respect those boundaries, but my open nature is often stilted by this lack of contact with anyone other than my husband.

I also identify with missing my family, ironically, the very thing I was excited about leaving since they are the source of my life's biggest drama. I come from a family of 7 siblings and a few nieces and nephews, and I do miss them immensely. (Also, Wegmans, as I am from the city where the grocery chain is headquartered! Tesco just doesn't compare!!)

On the other hand, in my first 3 months as a wife here, I am grateful for things that we lack in the States, like a great public transport system, shops within walkable distance, local pubs in every village, the way religion isn't forced down your throats, and friends who--once you befriend them--are yours for life. Beyond that, I do look at my husband and realize that I love him enough to give up those things that I miss--and he's the only reason I'd do it all 100 times over if it ever came to it.

I think the friends for life issue might be based on personality.

I have three friends that were born to my mother's friends that I still talk to regularly.  I've known them since they were born.

My best friend is my friend from second grade. 

I have one friend who is still a friend from high school. 

I have a few friends from my time in Glasgow and a good friend from grad school (who is now dating one of my mother's friends kids Ah ha ha ha ha) and another from my time in Americorps.

But I don't have many causal friends at all.

I am just not good at those sort of relationships I guess, but it makes it very hard in just hanging out and meeting new people. 

But I don't have many causal friends at all.

I am just not good at those sort of relationships I guess, but it makes it very hard in just hanging out and meeting new people. 

Yeah, I think it's different for different people.

I've lived in the UK my whole life and of all the friends I made at age 4, I am no longer in contact with any of them (apart from being Facebook friends) - I went to a different secondary school to all of them, so we lost contact when we were teenagers.

At secondary school, I had the same friends from age 11-16 and I always assumed we'd be friends forever, but I had issues with them in 6th form (they were complete b*tches to me for 2 years!) and left school with only one of them being my friend (again, I'm facebook friends with several of them, but that's all)... and we're still good friends today, nearly 10 years later, although she lives 50 miles away so I don't see her often.

Of the friends I met at university, I'm only really in contact with a couple of them - my best friend from my degree course (although I haven't actually seen her in a couple of years) and one of the friends I made on my study abroad year in the US.

Now, the majority of my friends are from my masters degree course (we met in 2006) and from work (I've known some of my colleagues for 8 years, due to working there during uni vacations) - but my work friends are more casual acquaintances than close friends.

I'm quite a private person and don't find it easy to open up to people, so I don't really have deep, personal conversations with my friends - we talk about every day stuff, academia, politics, travelling etc., but not much personal stuff like relationships or feelings.

I don't think it's always necessarily a positive thing to keep the same friends for your whole life or that the longest friendships are the best.  Of the two female friends I feel I am closest to, one I met last year and the other only five years ago.  I am still in touch with my friends from high school, but we have such different lives these days that we don't really connect any more.  And I don't see that as a bad thing, it just means that we've changed in different ways.  Some people have lifelong friendships that work for them, and some don't.  It's all part of life's rich tapestry, as my husband always says. 

You might find it easier to make some friends once you've been here longer and have become more settled into your life.  Have you tried joining some groups focused on things you're interested in, taking classes or something?  I personally haven't found that British women think they're too good or too hot to talk to me, perhaps you've just had the misfortune of meeting some not-very-friendly people?

Sometimes when people who have lived all their lives in one place in the US move to the UK, they feel that their difficulties in making friends is due to the new country and how people are so different here.  They're really not.  You would likely have similar difficulties adjusting if you moved to a different place in the US.  I've done that several times, and each time I had to get used to new ways and new people who thought I was different from them.  It's possible to learn to fit in, but it takes time.  Don't get disheartened! 

And if you're missing Wegman's, try Waitrose.  If Tesco is the Wal-Mart of the UK, then Waitrose is its Wegman's

OK...A little unrelated to the direct topic but inline with some of the side topics. When I was over at Christmas I was looking for "shirt boxes" to put the dress shirts I bought my DF in, so that I could then wrap the boxes... and NOTHING I thought this was really bizzare as you can find those everywhere in the States, especially at Christmas time.

Was I not looking in the right places? Plenty of Gift Bags...no Boxes LOL! I was down at the Arndale Centre in Manchester, you would have thought I would find something amongst all those shops.....

This is by no means a big deal but it made me very aware that things are not as readily available in the UK as they are in the US. But maybe we are just plain spoiled for choice in the US?.?.?

Oh and Customer Service, get used to it being total crap, people generally don't ask you how you are doing or if they can help you. Don't take it personal, its just the way they are ;-)

Oh and Customer Service, get used to it being total crap, people generally don't ask you how you are doing or if they can help you. Don't take it personal, its just the way they are ;-)

The other way to perceive this is that here store employees aren't annoying hoverers who pester you with their fake perkiness

The other way to perceive this is that here store employees aren't annoying hoverers who pester you with their fake perkiness

I totally am with you, I don't like fake perkiness either, especially in clothes shops, I just want to shop and here in the States a lot of sales people will be up your backside. That said... what I was eluding to in my OP was just a simple smile from the check out lady would be nice!

Now, that's not too much to ask is it.

There are shops I avoid here in the states because the people are uneducated and rude. ie if you are from Florida you will know the best place to shop for Groceries is Publix )))))) Nowhere Else will do!!!!

I went for groceries on Saturday and the employees must have just come from a rar, rar meeting because they were all at me. "how ya doin?" "howr you doin?" It was everyone of them! Even the manager came down to join in. I had to take advantage of him and I said "how do find out the price of this bacon?" He had to go and find out and was gone for 5 minutes. That will teach him to get involved with the customers.

They mean well!

OK...A little unrelated to the direct topic but inline with some of the side topics. When I was over at Christmas I was looking for "shirt boxes" to put the dress shirts I bought my DF in, so that I could then wrap the boxes... and NOTHING I thought this was really bizzare as you can find those everywhere in the States, especially at Christmas time.

Was I not looking in the right places? Plenty of Gift Bags...no Boxes LOL! I was down at the Arndale Centre in Manchester, you would have thought I would find something amongst all those shops.....

Haha I noticed this too and was really surprised!!  I found a few boxes, but they were the nice decorated ones that cost something like £3 each.  I even asked for them in a shop that specialized in wrapping paper/cards/etc and they looked at me like I had a third head! 

Haha I noticed this too and was really surprised!!  I found a few boxes, but they were the nice decorated ones that cost something like £3 each.  I even asked for them in a shop that specialized in wrapping paper/cards/etc and they looked at me like I had a third head! 

Yes!  I was Christmas shopping the first year here and asked for boxes and I got the most puzzled look from the very nice person who directed me to the nicely decorated (and expensive) box display.  So, moron that I am, I said, "No, I mean shirt boxes" and the woman, who probably thought I was a bit touched, nodded and said "You can put a shirt in there, dear."

Even then, I thought it was store-specific, so when I bought a baby shower gift at BabyGap, I asked there and got the same reaction. 

Finally one of my friends clued me in.