DISCUSSION: Before you move: Things to really think about

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that many people because of the language might think it's somehow easier.  If a person agrees to go to say China or even France or Italy they are likely to be more adventurous, more open to change and basically expecting a challenge.  Probably a lot of expats that move to the UK think hey same language, same culture (hey I laugh at BritComs), and don't weigh the full implications.  There might be a greater propensity for these people to be ones that normally would not have moved, but did anyway thinking it can't be that different.

Don't let that statistic scare you....like I said it was probably a company stat. Everyone is different, as you will see on this site, there are plenty of people who have adjusted quite well. Some never want to go back to the states.

Regarding the language, yes its so much easier because both countries speak English but you have to remember its a very different culture than in the US. As some have suggested to new folks on here, come with an open mind and don't assume everything will be close to the same way you had it in the states because it won't be.

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that many people because of the language might think it's somehow easier.  If a person agrees to go to say China or even France or Italy they are likely to be more adventurous, more open to change and basically expecting a challenge.  Probably a lot of expats that move to the UK think hey same language, same culture (hey I laugh at BritComs), and don't weigh the full implications.  There might be a greater propensity for these people to be ones that normally would not have moved, but did anyway thinking it can't be that different.

When I first went to study in Wales, this is how I approached things.  I was so young and so naive.  I was also adaptable.  But it would have been a lot easier to adapt if I hadn't gone into the whole thing with a "moving from one state to another, just a different accent" mentality.  Then again, if I had gone into it that way, I may have talked myself out of the whole thing. 

Thank you for this thread. I'm new to this forum and just got my visa yesterday. Will be leaving for Wales, for good, in about 3 weeks. After all of the stress of putting the visa application and documents together, I think I'm kindof in shock, finally realizing that it's actually happening and I'm leaving my homeland.

I know that I can do it, and none of what's been posted here has inspired me to tear up my visa to exclamations of "What was I thinking?!", but even so, it's definitely food for thought. I think I might send a link of this thread to my fiance to read through. He's extremely supportive and understanding, but there are some things posted here that had never occured to either one of us.

Thanks again. []

A great thread - haven't been inspired to post on here in a while but just had to say that this is a great thread! I've lived in UK for most of 7 years and have encountered all of the things that you've all said. It's no walk in the park, living here and though I'm happily married with a wonderful child - if I knew then what I know now I have to be honest and say that I'd have never, ever, ever moved here. And I encourage anyone who is thinking of moving here to most definitely visit as much as possible, expecially in winter (it is my idea of hell on earth). I know that everyone has to walk their own path in life, but may I just say that as someone posted earlier you must be ready to feel like an eternal foreigner. In fact, after enduring most all of what has already been written on this thread I'm delighted to say that I'm moving 'HOME' to the states next year and cannot wait!!!!

About religion being a private matter, I wish my mother-in-law would practice that. She is super religious and british and it gets on my nerves sometimes b/c I am not outgoing about my faith, i am conservative and generally prefer to keep it very private.

About living in England - I get guilt from my family, but it's not that bad. I get upset when I go back home after a nice visit to America b/c i feel like i'm missing out on a lot, but in fact I'm probably not b/c I spend so much quality time with them when I am there.

Livign without Target is not easy. Living without a good walmart (asda does not live up) is even harder. Just knowing where to find what is the most frustrating thing in the world. I cannot wait until I am finally able to know exactly which store to go to in order to find a certain kitchen thing or decorative thing etc... In the US, I instinctively knew where to go, in the UK, it's a big hunt to find the right place.

Shoe shopping will never be as good at the US, imho. However, other shopping is alright and even better than the US in some circumstances.

I have started cook differently in England, I have had to adapt to their recipes a bit for DH, plus it's just easier b/c they have all the ingredients for more english-style recipes available. I still cook very American things too, but I don't cook very English while in the states.

I have completely adjusted to doing laundry without a dryer and sometimes feel guilty using one when I'm back in the US.

I'm in a weird situation...I moved from the UK to the US when I was just a kid, so I'm one of those neither-fish-nor-fowl people. Not really English but not really American either. It's good to have this list of things to think about, even for someone not moving to the UK to be with someone. My husband is American but really wants to move to England. He's only been twice so it makes me laugh (and worry).

I AM planning on bringing friends along (three of my friends are quite keen to emigrate) and I do still have quite a bit of family in England. I still worry that it will be a difficult transition.

Thanks for all the things to think about.
Belinda

Just knowing where to find what is the most frustrating thing in the world. I cannot wait until I am finally able to know exactly which store to go to in order to find a certain kitchen thing or decorative thing etc... In the US, I instinctively knew where to go, in the UK, it's a big hunt to find the right place.

YES!

Be prepared to have embarassing and emotional meltdowns when you're struggling to find things like Sharpies!  Of course, it wasn't the Sharpies themselves, just the sudden feeling of alienation that you get when you can't find something so simple and so familiar.  And yes, when I went home for Christmas, I bought the 24 pack. 

But brace yourself...

YES!

Be prepared to have embarassing and emotional meltdowns when you're struggling to find things like Sharpies!  Of course, it wasn't the Sharpies themselves, just the sudden feeling of alienation that you get when you can't find something so simple and so familiar.  And yes, when I went home for Christmas, I bought the 24 pack. 

But brace yourself...

VIVA LA SHARPIES!!!

 

YES!

Be prepared to have embarassing and emotional meltdowns when you're struggling to find things like Sharpies!  Of course, it wasn't the Sharpies themselves, just the sudden feeling of alienation that you get when you can't find something so simple and so familiar.  And yes, when I went home for Christmas, I bought the 24 pack. 

But brace yourself...

Sharpies, you mean the pens?
They sell them in office supply / stationery shops.   
I just bought a pack of 2 last month in Staples. 

Sharpies, you mean the pens?
They sell them in office supply / stationery shops.   
I just bought a pack of 2 last month in Staples. 

The pink/blue/green/etc ones?  I was able to find a pack of two black ones at an ASDA, but that's just the point.  Learning to live over here means, in my case, learning to live with public transport, which means I cannot get to a Staples or other such store.  Taking a taxi is a bit excessive to look for Sharpies.

It's that extraordinarily frustrating feeling of not knowing how to navigate this world.  "Back home" wherever that may be, knowing such things is like breathing; you don't notice you do it until you can't.  Another example for me is laundry detergent.  I nearly had a breakdown in Sainsbury's trying to find something that I liked (which I did) and it wasn't because I'm particularly picky, it's the foreignness and alienness of it all.

You sometimes feel as though you've walked into your house, but everything's been moved two inches to the left.  It looks familiar but everything is different.  And you have to be prepared to face that.

The pink/blue/green/etc ones?  I was able to find a pack of two black ones at an ASDA, but that's just the point.  Learning to live over here means, in my case, learning to live with public transport, which means I cannot get to a Staples or other such store.  Taking a taxi is a bit excessive to look for Sharpies.

It's that extraordinarily frustrating feeling of not knowing how to navigate this world.  "Back home" wherever that may be, knowing such things is like breathing; you don't notice you do it until you can't.  Another example for me is laundry detergent.  I nearly had a breakdown in Sainsbury's trying to find something that I liked (which I did) and it wasn't because I'm particularly picky, it's the foreignness and alienness of it all.

You sometimes feel as though you've walked into your house, but everything's been moved two inches to the left.  It looks familiar but everything is different.  And you have to be prepared to face that.

I totally know exactly what you are talking about!    just doing the little things here when I first moved over here seemed like to me huge tasks. where back home it was a small tedious task I needed to do no big deal. but as time went on I have been getting better. its taken me almost 3 years though to pretty much grasp & to get the hang of the way things are here. an not feel the foreigness & alieness of it all on a daily basis. Thank goodness I have a very supportive & patient Dh.   

The pink/blue/green/etc ones? 

One black, one blue. 

It's that extraordinarily frustrating feeling of not knowing how to navigate this world.  "Back home" wherever that may be, knowing such things is like breathing; you don't notice you do it until you can't.  Another example for me is laundry detergent.  I nearly had a breakdown in Sainsbury's trying to find something that I liked (which I did) and it wasn't because I'm particularly picky, it's the foreignness and alienness of it all.

You sometimes feel as though you've walked into your house, but everything's been moved two inches to the left.  It looks familiar but everything is different.  And you have to be prepared to face that.

I appreciate the fact that this was your experience, but i cant really accept that it's like this for everyone.   Despite it being 20+ years ago, i do vaguely remember what it was like when i first arrived here-- and it wasn't a trauma.  I'm not the type of person to have a breakdown over anything, really...  let alone washing powder!     Sniff them all... see which one you like best, and buy it!   It was all a big adventure... going on public transport to find something was an adventure, cos we didnt really have trains & buses where i came from.   Going to the supermarket and looking at all the funny brands and labels was great fun!  I wasn't looking for everything to be just like it was 'back home'... I just wanted to soak it all in and experience it all!

I would suggest to people that have just moved here and are finding the little things, like food shopping or whatever, to be a stressful chore... just have some fun with it!   No need to take it all so seriously.  Enjoy the strangeness of it while it still feels 'foreign and alien', cos before long it will just be normal.  Have fun, and if you run across something you're not sure of... ask someone, either in the shop, or when you get home, you can ask here on UKY.   

I agree!  If you can't find your favorite crisps or whatever, then try something totally new. 

 Plus, there will come a time after you've been here awhile that when you go back to the US everything will seem strange and foriegn.  Like, for instance I'm sitting here wondering what possible use you could have for 24 Sharpies.  Nothing wrong with it, but it just seems totally strange to me. 

I would suggest to people that have just moved here and are finding the little things, like food shopping or whatever, to be a stressful chore... just have some fun with it!   No need to take it all so seriously.  Enjoy the strangeness of it while it still feels 'foreign and alien', cos before long it will just be normal.  Have fun, and if you run across something you're not sure of... ask someone, either in the shop, or when you get home, you can ask here on UKY.   

Excellent advice!! Having fun with the new experience is a much better way to deal with things like shopping.