Tired of Saying Goodbye

Sean left back for England last night.  Four years since we've known each other and we still have to face saying goodbye every few months.  Every time I have to wave to him as he passes through security and out of sight, it rips my heart in two.  It hurts so much having to watch him leave.  You'd think by now and nearly 20 trips back and forth, we'd be used to it.  It doesn't seem to get any easier.  As time goes by, it gets more and more difficult to let him go.

We don't really have the option right now of getting married so until that time, we make do and are faced with letting go of each other every 3 months.    

I don't really want suggestions as to how to feel better.  I've been through this more times than I can remember.  I've tried everything possible and found nothing that really works.    It doesn't matter how long he'll be gone for or how long he's just been here.  It never hurts less.  I just want to vent and cry here where I know people on this board understand and have been through the very same.  

I'm willing to wait to be together because I know it's worth it, it just hurts so much in the meantime.  

I guess I'm done.. I just needed to cry and get that out of my system.  Thanks to all who read this far.   :-/

God it hurts so much.  I feel it in my head and in my heart and my throat and stomach.  It just feels so empty and quiet and horrible.  Every time I make it through this, I wonder how I did it.  I'm tired of doing it but I know I have to.  I'm tired of dreading going to sleep in an empty bed.  I'm tired of dreading waking up and not seeing him there beside me.  I'm tired of dreading coming home from work and him not being here to greet me.  Why is it so painful?

It's painful because you love him.  If you didn't, it would be easy.  And then it wouldn't be worth it.

I read a post like this and I'm taken back to all those goodbyes at Gatwick and Miami.  Landing on the other side by myself and wishing that I never had to do that again.

I can't say anything to make it easier.  But I can tell you that I care...

It is painful...because it is called Love.

Tom and I went through the same for 3 years...  the pain is unbearable...  unfortunately for us though, we could not afford the travel, so it would be close to a year between visits...  with the rest of our time together being spent on a web cam...

We have been inseperable for 3 months now since we are together for good...  it was surely worth the wait...

I shant give you advice...but just a great big {{{{HUG}}}} from knowing exactly how you feel right now.

Shel

Here's some more hugs from me... you're right - nothing can really EVER fix it, except being together again. It's a horribly painful way to be in a relationship... it's obvious you guys love each other very very much... HUG!!!!

Bless you and your love and  Here is a   from me.
   Hang in there,and keep telling yourself how much you love this man,and you know one day you will be together with no more painful separation
I wanted to share this famous poem with you.maybe to give you hope.No matter your religious preferences,I believe it gives hope and reminds us that we are never alone in this world!
Footprints In The Sand


One night a man had a dream that he was walking
along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand;
one belonging to him, the other belonging to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints,
and that it happened at the
very lowest and saddest times in his life...

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it.
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But during the most troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied, "My precious, precious child.
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."


by: Mary Stevenson

{{{{{{{{{{{{Terinth}}}}}}}}}}

(((((((((Terinth)))))))) I just went thru this AGAIN too.  I returned from Wales a week ago sunday.  Don't you find that that first week is mind numbing?  For at least a week I nearly can't function.  My thoughts are so focused on him, what we did and said, what I'm missing.  I can't wait to talk to him again.   I was there for a week and a half.  We are planning our wedding.  So I thought for sure it wouldn't be so hard this time.  Nope, wrong again.  Still cried.  Still didn't want to leave.  You said what I told Chris.  It doesn't matter that I'll see him in March (so close!) even now just remembering being in Heathrow it's hard to swallow again, my eyes filling up.  

Yeah I've been there too.  Hopefully everyday you feel a little lighter.  Hopefully soon you start fitting back into your life here.  Deep breaths in and out.  One day at a time Terinth.  Take care.  I'm thinking of you.  

Thanks so much to all of you.  It helps just to be able to vent and know that many of you have been in the same position.  I can't tell you how much better it makes me feel to know I'm not the only person who's gone through this.  It's helping to be at work today, it's taken my mind off things a bit, but I know the feeling will return just as strongly when I arrive home to an empty house.  

Kizmet, it must be exciting getting to plan your wedding, knowing there's a certain day in mind in the near future that the distance between you two will end.  Must be a relief and give you something to look forward to on days that are especially tough.

Again.. thanks to all so much.

Ugh! I know how you feel! Kevin and I spend every 4-7 weeks together. The last time he was here in DC was 3 weeks for Christmas. That was the hardest time. He left on January 4th and I *still* feel sick about it. That was the hardest time ever since I felt like he was here on a permanent basis. He will be back here in 2 weeks and I will be over in April and May, but still. Luckily, by this time next year we will be married and I will be living in England with him. I will say that this is the hardest thing I have ever done and I can't wait for it to be over and us to be together.

Hi Terinth and yes I does give me a certain amount of happiness to be planning our final visit.  Did I mention I hate airports now?  But I could complain even more and tell you that its hard to plan for the big day with him so far away.  

But to be completely honest Terinth, at this stage, its a good problem to have.  

I hope you and your love will be able to united once and for all soon.  Keep the faith Terinth.  

Gosh I don't know how I missed this post yesterday....I have no great words other than to give you a big hug.  Been there and done that too.  I remember hating that security gate, I remember getting on the plane that last time with only my engagment ring for company.  

I can't tell you how badly I wanted to run back and just be crazy and stay.  


It does not ever get easy.  I still hate leaving him and we are together now.

So great big hugs and I hope you can be together soon!

I can't tell you how badly I wanted to run back and just be crazy and stay.

When he's the one leaving me, what I've started to do is intentionally leave my passport at home (some two hours drive away) so that I have no option of going with him.  I used to take it to the aiport with me, "just in case" but found that it made it more difficult because I knew if I REALLY wanted to go, I could.  I had the option (this was before Sept. 11 and all the security checks and what-not).  I no longer bring it with me because the temptation is too big.  It's easier just knowing I have to deal with saying goodbye rather than thinking, "I don't HAVE to, I could go."  It sort of takes the decision out of my hands, if that makes any sense.

When I'm the one leaving him, I tend to say goodbye at the security checkpoint and then not look back.  I don't like seeing him in the distance and know that I can't run back and give him one last hug.  

Oddly though, I'd rather be the one leaving than the one saying goodbye.  When I'm returning back here from England, I have friends and family and food and things to look forward to.  When I'm the one having to wave goodbye as he walks out of sight, it feels like a part of me is missing.  There's nothing to look forward to and my overwhelming feeling is that of loss.  I can look around the room and thnk, "he was just here 2 minutes ago and I let him leave."

It's much harder for me to cope with that.  Plus, I'm a great traveller and always always look forward to the packing, airport, plane ride, etc.

Oh sweetie, I know I know how you feel.

After one of our visits ends, the subject of marriage tends to come up more frequently.  It's like we both realize we don't like enforced goodbyes and have had enough of them.  I like our discussions about marriage.. it gives me something to hold onto when I'm feeling like the distance is too great.  For the first time last night we mentioned when we both would feel like we were ready for that to happen.  Luckily it was within a few months of each other.  I think we may've set ourselves a goal.  He's only been gone one week but it feels like an eternity.