"we're not doing it there"

Okie so Adam and I have been talking about marriage and all the things that go into getting to that point ALOT since I've been home. Basically when we first started talking about marriage we knew we wanted to marry in the UK but the option to get married here in the US was an open. I have found out tonight that he doesn't want to even consider it. The main reason why we don't want to get married here is because of his mother and father. They are older and wouldn't fly. They have 6 other kids who have all gotten married and I think if I'm not mistaken have only been to 1 daughers wedding. The rest have run off too Spain or elsewhere to marry. We didn't want to do this to them seeing as he is the last baby and is extreamly close to them especially his mother. I don't really care where it happens, if it happens here or there I only want a select few people from my family there. On the other hand his family is HUGE (Each sibling has between 2-5 kids each)

I was talking to my mom and she thinks it's a better idea to get married here as he can just come on a trip and we can do it then apply for a spousal visa after in LA and (from what i read on here) get it that same day, then he can go back and sort whatever he needs sorted then I go there. It seems to be the cheaper option and the fastest option. I've told him this and he doesn't care -nods-. I really don't need the "wedding" hoopla I just wanna be with my man. If we get married in the UK we'll need to apply for fiance visa ($400)...go over for 6 months (plan ticket more money), get married (more money), apply for spousal visa ($400)...it just seems like more.

We arn't offically engaged or anything as I don't have a ring (i don't really care about this part) and he hasn't offically asked but we've picked out the month and year (Nov 08) and it's just a matter of waiting and planning (the REAL planning takes place after he asks haha *evil plot hat*   )

What are the benefits to being married in the US?
What are the benefits to being married in the UK?
Whats the faster option?
Cheaper option?

I know I have more questions but it's a tad late and I'm exhausted.

Thanks
Ericka

Why don't you do a small ceremony in the US with your family and friends first,  then get the visa and fly over and do a bigger hoopla party/blessing?

We did this, we have 12 UK guests make our US real wedding then had about 60 guests at the blessing (his uncle who is a vicar did that).  It was a great way to do it!!!

Going just on the basics, marriage in the US - his plane ticket, your spousal visa.  Marriage in the UK -- your plane ticket, your fiancee' visa, your FLR/spousal visa.  So ultimately, marrying in the US would be cheaper.

Based on what you've written, I think the best option would be to have a small civil ceremony in the US (his family can come if they want) and get your spousal visa.  Once you're in the UK, you can have a blessing and a reception.  If you do it this way, you'll enter the UK with the ability to work (which you wouldn't have as a fiancee'), so that would help with finances, if they're an issue.

Do you think his family would change their mind? Has he even asked them? My H's family (mostly his father) insisted that he didn't like America and didn't want to go there. Once we were seriously planning a wedding here in the US (florida) of course his parents changed their minds and came, as did his grandparents. Personally I'd say its easier to get married here in the US (and a bit cheaper if you consider the fact that getting married in the UK means you can't work until after you get your status adjusted which costs money of course). Like the others said you could have one wedding and one blessing/party. We're having a party in the UK for the guests who couldn't come 

We just got married in the US and got my spousal visa. It really is simple and easy. My hubby is such a momma's boy it isn't funny. He was so scared that his momma and aunties would be mad because we didn't have a huge wedding in Barbados like his brother did. To make it perfectly fair to both sides, no one came to our civil ceremony except our newborn daughter...and my best friend, but only because we had to have a witness. We took my older kids out the next night and told them.

The funniest part was that my hubby was sooooooooo scared of his mommy that he didn't tell his family until after we came over. Wedding...February 15...arrival in UK...June 28. The worst part...we had been here 10 days before he told them. Mind you, we are living with them. He even got his mom to sign the letter for the consulate saying we could stay here...without reading it. I'm getting phone calls from perspective employers asking for Mrs. O'Neale. His parents were asking his brothers. I was feeling like he was ashamed of me. Finally I put my foot down. And his family's reaction was...that was the smart thing to do. His dad went on about how much they had spent on his brother's wedding and how much smarter we were.

The moral of the story...maybe you should include his family on the planning. When you explain the dilemma to them they may think the practicality is more important.

November 2008??!!  Wow, and I thought I was a planner!  Hope it all works out, whatever you decide to do!

Why don't you do a small ceremony in the US with your family and friends first,  then get the visa and fly over and do a bigger hoopla party/blessing?

That's exactly what we're planning on doing, except the other way 'round.

November 2008??!!  Wow, and I thought I was a planner!  Hope it all works out, whatever you decide to do!

I'm just as bad!  (we're shooting for Sept 08 at the latest) Sometimes, when you're this far apart, focusing on the end of it all is one of the few things that keeps you sane (Plus, he knows to give me enough time to think about every little detail because I'm that obsessive. I'm afraid of my future Bridezilla self).  

That's exactly what we're planning on doing, except the other way 'round.

I'm just as bad!  (we're shooting for Sept 08 at the latest) Sometimes, when you're this far apart, focusing on the end of it all is one of the few things that keeps you sane (Plus, he knows to give me enough time to think about every little detail because I'm that obsessive. I'm afraid of my future Bridezilla self).  

Hehe. I started planning the wedding in 2004 and we just got married  It goes by WAY faster than you think after the plans start to become finalized!

This thread isn't what I thought it would be . . . .

Why don't you do a small ceremony in the US with your family and friends first,  then get the visa and fly over and do a bigger hoopla party/blessing?

We did this, we have 12 UK guests make our US real wedding then had about 60 guests at the blessing (his uncle who is a vicar did that).  It was a great way to do it!!!

That's what my mom said and I thought it was a good idea but he doesn't want too. 

This thread isn't what I thought it would be . . . .

 


When I think about all the money we spent on a fiancee visa, and then a spousal visa, I totally agree with the doing it in the US! 

Getting married in the UK involves giving notice.  You have to be in the area where you are to be getting married for 7-8 days (I can't remember because we had a problem with that, and had to go back to declare notice).  Then, you must wait 15 days while your notice to marry hangs up somewhere (we couldn't figure out where).  Then you can get married.  At least where we declared notice, declaring 17 days before made them nervous even though it was within the time frame.  All in all, I think it's probably cheaper and faster to do it in the US.  But that's just based on my experience.  Good luck!  Hopefully it becomes more exciting and more fun for you as you go!

I'm just as bad!  (we're shooting for Sept 08 at the latest) Sometimes, when you're this far apart, focusing on the end of it all is one of the few things that keeps you sane (Plus, he knows to give me enough time to think about every little detail because I'm that obsessive. I'm afraid of my future Bridezilla self).  

  that's me...im a planner and list maker and like almariel said it's easier to have a goal..it really does keep you sane

I'm going to show him this thread. Let see if he sees the light or sticks to his stubborn ways lol 

[smiley=laugh4.gif]Getting married in the UK involves giving notice.  You have to be in the area where you are to be getting married for 7-8 days (I can't remember because we had a problem with that, and had to go back to declare notice).  Then, you must wait 15 days while your notice to marry hangs up somewhere (we couldn't figure out where).  Then you can get married.  At least where we declared notice, declaring 17 days before made them nervous even though it was within the time frame.  All in all, I think it's probably cheaper and faster to do it in the US.  But that's just based on my experience.  Good luck!  Hopefully it becomes more exciting and more fun for you as you go!

In addition to all that, my man is from the Isle of Man (har har), which is technically not part of the UK, but still part of Great Britain, and would create even more bureaucratic headaches!!! (Plus, it's expensive and a p*sser to get to. Lovely place, though. Going to be there for the weekend!) We decided on the phone the other day that it's looking like America for the ceremony.

reeeka: Has he told you exactly WHY he's so dead-set against an American wedding? Maybe if you sat down with both him and his parents together and laid down the practical advantages to marrying in the UK (there do seem to be many) that might help--to prove to them that this really is the better option for you and that you're not just trying to be stubborn and get your way.

In addition to all that, my man is from the Isle of Man (har har), which is technically not part of the UK, but still part of Great Britain, and would create even more bureaucratic headaches!!! (Plus, it's expensive and a p*sser to get to. Lovely place, though. Going to be there for the weekend!) We decided on the phone the other day that it's looking like America for the ceremony.

reeeka: Has he told you exactly WHY he's so dead-set against an American wedding? Maybe if you sat down with both him and his parents together and laid down the practical advantages to marrying in the UK (there do seem to be many) that might help--to prove to them that this really is the better option for you and that you're not just trying to be stubborn and get your way.

No and that's why I was shocked when he said a dead set no. I look at it being cheaper in the long run...I'm not quite sure why. He said "just because i want to do it here" ...i dunno. I'm gonna show him this post and see what he thinks after. Maybe the posts by everyone will get him rethinking the idea....HOPEFULLY