Boyfriend's mother not supportive

Maybe she's jealous you're taking her son away. Maybe she's afraid he'll move to the US and she'll never see him again. I don't think it's you, I think it's her own insecurities.

good point

I'm sorry for this.  It's got to be hard.
I don't think she's jealous.  I think she being a concerned mother. Give it time.  You've only been dating a few months and perhaps once you've continued the LDR a little longer and prove to her that you are committed to one another she'll come around.  Not that you should have to prove anything, but LDRs are hard to swallow for some people.  And it seems she has some experience in this. Maybe this all brings back very painful memories for her.  Like any parent, she wants to protect her son from pain. 

I do think she's being unreasonable.  They need to sit and have an adult coversation.  Taking the modem to bed is just silly, but it is her house.  I only lived at home one summer during college and my mother would unplug my phone and take it to bed with her when I was out late.  She would tell me in the morning it was her house and she didn't want me on the phone late at night.  You can't argue that.

Good luck!

Thanks everyone! I think it's a bit of her fear for her son as well as a bit of not wanting him to grow up. They are very close because he was all she had after his parents' divorce, so I think that she wants him to have a girlfriend and be happy, but would be upset enough about him settling down, never mind if it may mean he moves to the US.

I think things may have started looking up.

She apologized to him this morning and gave him back the modem (after 3 nights of taking it to bed with her). Yesterday he got really upset and ended up yelling at her, which he has never done in his whole life. She said she was shocked and realized she had gone too far, he told her he needed some space and she didn't listen.

Tonight, she was able to hear mumbling from him when he was talking to me, she wasn't yet asleep when we started our video, but she just came up and told him that she could hear him talking, not too loudly, mumbling, but enough that it was keeping her awake. She didn't take away the modem, just asked him to go to sleep.

I'm wondering if, after thinking about it for a while, she realized how upset it made him, and how much being able to talk to me means to him. He's also trying to be more aware of the time he goes to bed. I hope this is a sign of progress!

I had a similar issue with my boyfriends mother at the beginning of our relationship...when I first went over to England to visit him...she made up her mind about me without getting to know me...She had preconcieved notions because I was American...she thought I was like all the Americans she had seen on TV and Movies...I was very upset by it and really nervous when I would go over and visit him...he shared a house with his mom so whenever I went over to visit I stayed with him and her and felt very uncomfortable...but then I thought about how she was acting and tried to see it from her point of view...he is her son and no woman is ever going to be good enough for her son. And I didn't like talking to my boyfriend about how she made me feel because I didn't want to put him in the middle...I decided to just continue to be myself..there was nothing else I could do...well as time went on and we spent more time together and she got to know me better we are now really good friends...I think it is going to take your boyfriends mother sometime to get used to the idea that her boy is in love with a yank...maybe she is afraid that you are going to steal her boy away from her...maybe all she knows about us is what she sees on TV...I am sure once she meets you and finds out and sees how much you care for her son she will change her tune...That is what my bf's mom did...Once she saw how much he loved me and how much I loved him and that I wasn't there to take his money then she let her guard down...and like I said we are really good friends...I completely understand what you are going thru believe me...hopefully for you it will get better...if you ever want to talk just drop me a line....

Jo

My heart goes out to you, that's really hard to endure. My mom is a very similar way. She tries to control my life and tell me that "Im not sleeping enough," etc. She even refused to meet my fiance, or let him into the house. My best approach was to let her vent and say vindictive comments ("he's stealing you away, you'll never move back, etc") and respectfully listen and do my own thing. I know she loves me and just wants what's best, and doesn't want to lose me but I also know that it's my life and I'm not going to let her run it. I can see that your man knows that too, and you're almost there, just a couple more months. I hope through everything, she does not push him away for being with you, and I hope she realizes in the end that she just wants him to be happy, and you're just the person to do that. She would be foolish to want to harm someone who makes his life so good. Also, after meeting Dave finally and giving him a chance, my mom has begun, albeit very slowly, to come around and try to accept what she cannot change for my happiness. So there is light at the end of the tunnel, best of luck!! *hugs*

Thank you! Lee says his mother will like me once she lets her guard down and sees how happy we are together. He also is leaving for Uni in a couple of weeks, so will be eaiser then.

I do make myself take a step back and keep in mind that she is just trying to protect her son, and she has made comments to my boyfriend that show she doesn't feel ready to have him be grown up yet. I also don't say much to my boyfriends about it, and do try to make positive comments about her when I can because I know that's a sticky situation if I'm saying I don't like her, especially before even meeting her. I have just told him that it's frustrating, but I know she's trying to protect him the best way she knows how.

I'm glad to hear of people who have been able to have a good relationship with the in-laws after a bad start! I do hope that it'll be the same for me since it's about me being American, not a personality confilict.

yes I am sure once she lets her guard down and sees that your feelings for her son are true..she may ease up and then get to know you as a person..that is how my boyfriends mother was...it took her a long time to even bring herself to start a conversation with me..and once she did this...she started to realize how I truly felt about her son..and she started getting to know me then we became good friends...

If you ever have any questions or want to talk pm me and I will give you my email address...actually I think it is visible on my profile...just let me know

Josy