Fairytales

Don't always end with "happily ever after".

After lots of thinking, and crying and soul searching, I made the decision to back out of my LDR while a little of my heart was still intact. From my other post, some of you already know I was having a hard time dealing with the leaving whenever we were able to see each other. I had a really rough time this last time, and he was unavailable to talk and it just made it that much harder I think.

Anyways, long story short I felt like he was slowly backing away from us and after two years we still hadn't figured out where if anywhere this relationship was going. I love him more than I ever imagined I could love someone, and I don't want to say goodbye to him. But I did. He was shocked I think, but seems he agreed that we couldn't keep going like this. I am heartbroken, and the dumb thing is I did it to myself! Now after his initial email reply he won't reply to me at all anymore.  :\\\'(

After putting my whole heart on the line,  and talking and laughing together almost daily for two years it's a hard time for me right now. I am doing ok though, I went through a few days of non-stop crying, now it is sporadic. I haven't done anything with all the pictures of him and his kids and all of the reminders I have around here to see everyday, I am not ready for that. In my heart of hearts I guess I still hold out some little bit of hope for us, even though he gives me no reason to think such a thing. I just love him and the kids so much, how do you turn that off! I don't know, I really don't. Although it feels like whatever feelings he had for me are gone now.  :\\\'(

Anyway, thank you all for your support and all the laughs you've given me in the past year and a half. You are all lovely and I wish you the best. I will still be around here a little, just not as much to say or contribute as I once did.

I'm very sorry to read this, Silly.  BUT, I admire your maturity, calmness, bravery and ability to look and think long-term.

You followed your conscience and did what you felt best for you and your son, so although it hurts now, it will get better in time.

Best of luck to you in the future.

I'm very sorry to read this, Silly.  BUT, I admire your maturity, calmness, bravery and ability to look and think long-term.

You followed your conscience and did what you felt best for you and your son, so although it hurts now, it will get better in time.

Best of luck to you in the future.

Ditto the above, Snip.
Hope things will be looking up for you soon. 

aww im sorry snip 

Sorry to hear that.  Many hugs to you.

I'm really sorry to hear this, SillySnip.  Take care of yourself.

Like everyone else, I'm really sorry to hear this news.  You've handled what has to have been a very difficult decision with maturity, grace, and dignity.

If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know. *hugs*

I am so, so sorry to hear this.  Sometimes the right decisions are the hardest ones...take care of yourself.   

Aw, SillySnip....in the words of my (then) two-year-old nephew, "bummer, damnit!"  I'm sorry that things took the turn they did.   

SillySnip - I'm sorry that this fairtale didn't have a happy ending, but maybe your next one will.  I am proud of you for making the best decision for yourself, even if it hurts a lot.  Hang in there.

Thanks ladies for all of your hugs and kind words, and yes dammit it is a bummer  Ha that made me smile and cry all at the same time. I am a mess of emotions right now. Some days I do pretty well and others, well lets just say Kleenex isn't in danger of going out of business anytime soon with me around.  :\\\'(

I wish I'd hear something from him, just anything. Even if it was a giant "piss off woman" lol It would be better than just never talking to me again. I think after all we've been through and shared with one another, it wouldn't end like this with us never speaking again. I know I was the one to put the card on the table and say this is where things seem to have gone and to back out, but it's like part of me is just missing now  I miss him and miss my life the way it was when it made me smile!

Aw, so very sorry.  I had someone just fall out of my life once...and it really, really sucked.  I felt like I was in limbo, and yes, a 'go away I never want to see you/hear from you again' would have been preferable to the big, huge NOTHING that I got instead.   

Your life WILL make you smile again....even if it's just once in a while at first.  One day you'll find that you smiled more than once, and it will just keep getting better from there.  It might not be a whole lot of fun getting from here to there, but it'll happen. 

Hang in there....

I'm sorry to hear that this happened. It really sucks. Hang in there.

SS - I'm so sorry to hear this.  As was said before, you did what was best for you and your family.  You are a very brave woman.  I know each day will be different, some sad, some happy, but over time you'll heal. 
Take care of yourself.

Thanks ladies for all of your hugs and kind words, and yes dammit it is a bummer  Ha that made me smile and cry all at the same time. I am a mess of emotions right now. Some days I do pretty well and others, well lets just say Kleenex isn't in danger of going out of business anytime soon with me around.  :\\\'(

I wish I'd hear something from him, just anything. Even if it was a giant "piss off woman" lol It would be better than just never talking to me again. I think after all we've been through and shared with one another, it wouldn't end like this with us never speaking again. I know I was the one to put the card on the table and say this is where things seem to have gone and to back out, but it's like part of me is just missing now  I miss him and miss my life the way it was when it made me smile!

Right before Paul I was involved in a very serious LDR with my best friend/writing partner for over 6 months. We were planning for him to move to Cali to be with us. He was very involved in all my kids lives. Then he went away for a week to a friend's house. In that week we went from talking, IMing and emailing constantly to two measly emails in 10 days. Oh yeah, one of those emails was to say he wouldn't be coming home when he had said. I was devastated. When he finally got back in touch, he asked for 'a break.' No explanation...nothing...just a break. I took it further and called it off.

Like you...I cried for weeks. I did some very stupid and risky things to make myself feel desirable and wanted again. They only made me feel worse. One of those things was to break the heart of a couple of very nice and dear friends. Then one night I started chatting on-line with this guy from London. He broke ALL my new rules...1) he was LDR 2) he was younger and 3) he had no kids. But he quickly became my new best friend. He listened to me biatch and moan. I think my phrase was...50, alone with cats.

He was coming to the US to visit friends in Mississippi. I offered him my couch so he could see Los Angeles too. But I was determined not to ever be hurt like that again...cause he broke all my new rules. Three and a half months after we started to chat, he arrived at LAX. My walls were still up...HIGH. Funny thing is that he never took the hints. Unlike my other two friends that were also it turns out in love with me...he just scaled the walls...knocked them down...whatever it took.

And I am eternally grateful that he did. In the past almost two years, he has taught me more about love than I could imagine. He has supported me...and my kids...through some very tough times. And when I said anything about it...he simply replies that I was his responsibility.

I know how meaningless these words are right now...honestly I do...because I heard similar from all my friends...including dear hubby...but things will get better. Just tie a knot in your rope and hold on.