Number of people at your wedding?

IMO - 285 is a lot for one side.  It's none of my business, but did you already determine a budget?  Sometimes that's a big factor in the amount of people you invite.

We decided on 100 (50/50). We thought it was a manageable amount. We agreed to not invite any family we don't spend holidays with.

We had 52 guests.  All from my side, none from his.  We were married in the US and his parents decided that they could either come to his wedding, or take their annual holiday to Ireland.     Guess which they chose?  The rest of his family just couldn't afford it, or weren't that close.  We set rules for which family members would be invited - only our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and first cousins.

I don't really see a problem with having 285 guests on one side and 50 on the other.  Unless 1) it is going to break your budget, or 2) it is going to start your marriage off on a sour note due to the disagreement about the numbers.

When my brother got married, the original count was over 200 but they narrowed it down to about 180.

For my wedding, we invited around 100 people and 88 replied to say they would attend. 5 of those said they would attend but never showed up.

i think the ultimate decision on who you will invite comes down to the style and budget of what you are looking for in a wedding.  I know in South Carolina it wasn't uncommon to have weddings with 400+ guests, but they tended to be cake and punch in the church hall.  In the Northeast (where I'm from originally) weddings are quite formal affairs costing about $150-200 a head.  So unless they have a trust fund most people keep their weddings in the 120-200 range.

As for the number of people you have on your list versus your DF, I don't think it should be a competition.  My SO has less on his list,  but his mates have been his closest and best friends since they were young boys in Yorkshire.  Yes, he has some other acquaintances but in general he keeps his circle of friends quite close (and i love him for it because when you see them all together it is lovely and they get together weekly).  In my case I've lived all over the states and the world and have a longer "list" but I don't see that as that I've won the friend lotto, just a result of moving around a lot.

In the end your wedding should have whoever you want to be there to witness your special day.  Random question, would you really need to invite the children of all the other homeschooled families?

Well most of the "children" are between 15-25, only a few of the families still have young kids.

We won't be having a big snazzy dinner, just cake, a few other snacky things, and maybe a milkshake/smoothie bar.

I think DF is getting over it. He just seemed so shocked that I know so many people.

We are waiting to see if any of our parents plan on chipping in, and if so how much, before we set our final budget. So far we're way under. I found my dress for $20, shoes for $8. We found invitations on sale 50 for $4.50 and bought up a bunch (they are the kind you print yourself).

I think we had about 40.

We are the opposite, though, DH has truckloads of family and family friends and most of my family are all over the world.  I was fighting to get the numbers down lower.  What i really wanted was to run away to the Church of Elvis in Vegas...but he said he'd never live it down with his mother, and her friends. *sigh*

Our compromise was a small ceremony, in his parents' backyard.  I think the only reason I won that concession was that it was his second marriage.  I went to his first wedding, way back, and it was an enormous circus.  For ours we did an all-desert reception, with cool medieval-looking tents, and a chocolate fondue fountain, and a champagne fountain, and a bonfire.   

Heh, my dress was on the cheap, too.  It was a Vera Wang (every bride's dream, right?) but it was an evening gown and not a wedding gown, and I worked at Saks Fifth when I bought it, so with all my employee discounts and it being on clearance i think I spent $60.

I invited around 110 and am expecting around 75-80 (got most of the replies back already) that includes about 12 or 15 from the UK. I think it's a bit small, but I'm happy with that b/c it's less money I have to spend and we're paying for 2/3 of it, so that makes me happy. Plus, all of the really imp. ppl can make and that's what counts.

My cousin's getting married in December -- the guest count is at 700 and rising. Oy. You couldn't pay me enough to have that sort of a wedding! Of course, that's in Mauritius, where huge weddings aren't uncommon. Still, times are changing ... even there.

We had a civil ceremony here in Greece and ended up with about 65. For a Greek wedding that has to be close to a record  Two of the 65 were from my side (my parents).

We chose not to send invites because our intent was me, my parents. My husband and his parents and two brothers and a couple of close friends. ...and to send announcements to friends/family in the states. However ...my MIL chose to pick up the phone and call a few people and accidentally tell them where/when.

Had we of done a religious ceremony ..we started counting at one point and just his fathers side was 300+ when we gave up and quit counting. Greek weddings are enormous. When we were purchasing our 'bon bons' (little treat things they hand out..) the woman who we purchased them from had just done a wedding of 7000.  ..and the two I've been to have been 1000+.

I guess I'm in the same boat as your future husband ..I can't believe how many people my husband knows 

We had a civil ceremony here in Greece and ended up with about 65. For a Greek wedding that has to be close to a record  Two of the 65 were from my side (my parents).

We chose not to send invites because our intent was me, my parents. My husband and his parents and two brothers and a couple of close friends. ...and to send announcements to friends/family in the states. However ...my MIL chose to pick up the phone and call a few people and accidentally tell them where/when.

Had we of done a religious ceremony ..we started counting at one point and just his fathers side was 300+ when we gave up and quit counting. Greek weddings are enormous. When we were purchasing our 'bon bons' (little treat things they hand out..) the woman who we purchased them from had just done a wedding of 7000.  ..and the two I've been to have been 1000+.

I guess I'm in the same boat as your future husband ..I can't believe how many people my husband knows 

Thanks funny.  Cuban weddings are not dissimilar.  I worked REALLY hard to avoid a "big fat Cuban wedding".  Cubans just don't do anything small and it was really difficult for my dad to grasp the concept of a small wedding.  He couldn't understand why I didn't want to have lots and lots of people there.  I told him why.....I can't afford a formal, fancy affair for 500!  So, I had a formal, fancy affair for 40.  It wasn't cheap but it was what I wanted and I could certainly NOT have been able to afford the same thing for more people.

June

At the ceramony we had about 10. We had our reception at our local pub and we had people in/out all night, couldn't tell you how many. But I am not one for big weddings. I like things to be private.

20 all together:  Me, DH, 4 of my friends/family from the US, 14 of Steve's friends/family here in the UK.  We all got to sit around one long oval dinner table.  It was nice.

We had five: me, hubby, my parents and my son. After the civil service, we had lunch at an Italian restaurant. It was the quiet, private, low-key, informal event that we wanted, and we enjoyed the day.

I think I'm going to have my "big fat Sothern wedding." My family is like Sweet Home Alabama meets My Big Fat Greek Wedding. So no matter what, I doubt I'll have much control, but that's another entire issue. 

I'm almost to the point where I just don't care...who comes, what kind of cake. Whatever. Just tell me when and where to show up.

We know not everyone will come to ours, but we're going to invite 60 total. It's going to be in Mexico, so I know we'll have 20 for sure. Gosh, I need to start inviting. It's November next year.